Story First thread

[ignored253]

I took my ambien so my line of thoughts is not ideal, hope you can make some sense of it.
Let me start by telling you are the amazing people i didn't think existed.
i came across your website from the news and you were presented as "pro-suicide", with some grieving parent saying "my son was dying and the chat didn't do anything"
i was expecting this website to be full of gore-lovers who like to joke when somebody dies on camera… But you might be the most caring people i have ever "met".

i'll present my problems: my teens were hell, 20s began good but are ending very badly, had a decent couple of years, then i had financial problems, people who could easily solve these problems are ignoring me, that deteriorated my mental state and i would really like to ctb tomorrow, partial suspension.

my question is: these past few days after i resigned to the idea i feel like i'm on autopilot, will this help or thwart my attempt to ctb? Has this ever happened to you?

i'll see you in 10 hours.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Cannot speak for you, but you might find this relatable as far as the auto pilot feeling goes.

I get like that often nowadays. Basically it kicks in when I feel overwhelmed by something emotional and I simply don't have the energy to deal with it. So, to protect my already fragile mind, I shut myself off emotionally. Weird sensation though. Feels like you're watching life like a movie that you are immersed in, but not a part of.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure about your question exactly, ctb is difficult as we are programmed to survive and I believe being in a state of complete desperation will make it easier to overcome the SI.
It sounds like you have been through a lot, I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

i was expecting this website to be full of gore-lovers who like to joke when somebody dies on camera… But you might be the most caring people i have ever "met".

That is the idea that is let to be known outside, portraying the users of this website and it's owner as vultures, who rejoice at the departure of others but that could not be further from the truth.
A good way to put it is: If you want to recover and feel hope, we are with you. If you want to ctb, we will be here in until your last moments too. We don't pray on users, we accompany them on both ways.

i feel like i'm on autopilot, will this help or thwart my attempt to ctb?

Being on autopilot, as you mention, can certainly help, but from personal experience, is hard to keep that autopilot in the moment of truth, because the SI kicks in and the autopilot may turn into frustration or anger for it not helping the way one expected to; so be careful on what you use as your "fuel". There is also the chance that it helps, is a pretty personal thing.

Edit: Which news did you watch to discover this website? TV news or on the internet?

Best of luck.