Fools

[timetodie24]

I won't be tricked and manipulated any longer. I know we're all part of the system and everyone knows that too. People just like to pretend that we have more control than we do. I'm sick of the lies and gaslighting when I know the truth. The system is controlling all of us and we all have death dates and now the system is collapsing because I somehow surpassed mine. It is a huge glitch. My ctb will save the world and I won't listen to people trying to deceive me otherwise, clearly you just want the world to fall apart even more. I'm not naive, I know the truth.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

The reason the government wants you to stay alive, is they can't collect taxes from you if you're dead.

 

[Forever Sleep]

We can't persuade you anymore than you can persuade us I'm afraid. We all have certain beliefs I suppose- mostly based on personal experience. I'd hazard a guess that the majority- if not all people can't see the system you're talking about here. That's not to say it doesn't exist but, truthfully- I don't think you could convince me of it. I just wish it was kinder to you in any regard. You don't deserve to be as tormented as you are.

 

[timetodie24]

The reason the government wants you to stay alive, is they can't collect taxes from you if you're dead.

probably true. I don't have an income for government to tax so doesn't really apply to me . They probably want me dead since i'm not working tbf.

We can't persuade you anymore than you can persuade us I'm afraid. We all have certain beliefs I suppose- mostly based on personal experience. I'd hazard a guess that the majority- if not all people can't see the system you're talking about here. That's not to say it doesn't exist but, truthfully- I don't think you could convince me of it. I just wish it was kinder to you in any regard. You don't deserve to be as tormented as you are.

Thank you for your kindness . I do deserve the torment though. I don't believe that there's any way you can all be blind to the system so people are either in denial or lying.

 

[Forever Sleep]

probably true. I don't have an income for government to tax so doesn't really apply to me . They probably want me dead since i'm not working tbf.

Thank you for your kindness . I do deserve the torment though. I don't believe that there's any way you can all be blind to the system so people are either in denial or lying.

I don't think you deserve to be tormented. I doubt many people deserve the suffering they experience. Why would you? Because you lived beyond when you were supposed to? Because you didn't obey their instructions? Their instructions aren't reasonable though. That's evil on their side, not yours.

Imagine if it was a family member or, one of us that told you that they were being given messages to kill themselves via brutal methods that could potentially endanger and kill others. Would you think they were deserving of that?

What makes you think other people are aware of the system? Do you feel like it's only you who has to die to fix it or, are there multiple 'glitches'? No offense but, not many people outside of your circle of family or friends even know you exist. I doubt many strangers get a sense that they are in a system that is as cruel as it is because one person didn't die when they were supposed to.

I don't mean to mock you here. I'm just trying to explain how implausible it will seem to a lot of people. I can only promise that I'm not lying to you. I'm not aware on any level of such a system.

Other systems I am painfully aware of. The ones we know are real- as 'Shadows From Hell' described- the pressure we all have from family and governments to stay alive and make money. The ones I'm doubtful over- religious ideas but worry they might be real. But, I've never really been convinced by other ideas because I've never had experiences like that. I can understand why having such experiences would convince you of it though. So- whether it's real or not, I feel so bad for you having to go through it.

 

[lilah]

My ctb will save the world and I won't listen to people trying to deceive me otherwise,

i'm not ashamed to admit that i, too, hold the scary belief that suicide is the ultimate way out of opression.

if slaves had the guts to off themselves more often, slavery wouldn't be a thing.

 

[timetodie24]

I don't think you deserve to be tormented. I doubt many people deserve the suffering they experience. Why would you? Because you lived beyond when you were supposed to? Because you didn't obey their instructions? Their instructions aren't reasonable though. That's evil on their side, not yours.

Imagine if it was a family member or, one of us that told you that they were being given messages to kill themselves via brutal methods that could potentially endanger and kill others. Would you think they were deserving of that?

What makes you think other people are aware of the system? Do you feel like it's only you who has to die to fix it or, are there multiple 'glitches'? No offense but, not many people outside of your circle of family or friends even know you exist. I doubt many strangers get a sense that they are in a system that is as cruel as it is because one person didn't die when they were supposed to.

I don't mean to mock you here. I'm just trying to explain how implausible it will seem to a lot of people. I can only promise that I'm not lying to you. I'm not aware on any level of such a system.

Other systems I am painfully aware of. The ones we know are real- as 'Shadows From Hell' described- the pressure we all have from family and governments to stay alive and make money. The ones I'm doubtful over- religious ideas but worry they might be real. But, I've never really been convinced by other ideas because I've never had experiences like that. I can understand why having such experiences would convince you of it though. So- whether it's real or not, I feel so bad for you having to go through it.

I appreciate you trying to understand and not just dismissing my views

I deserve the suffering because I'm a waste of space and an evil, awful, selfish monster. Many reasons I deserve it.

The system has always existed and it's not all down to me, there has been and will be other glitches. I'm only responsible to fix mine and avoid the damage that could cause. Others will fix theirs (or not) when I'm gone, that's out of my control

 

[Forever Sleep]

I appreciate you trying to understand and not just dismissing my views

I deserve the suffering because I'm a waste of space and an evil, awful, selfish monster. Many reasons I deserve it.

The system has always existed and it's not all down to me, there has been and will be other glitches. I'm only responsible to fix mine and avoid the damage that could cause. Others will fix theirs (or not) when I'm gone, that's out of my control

You deserve to be listened to. I expect many of us are selfish but I don't think that means you should have to sacrifice yourself horribly.

May I ask- what do your MH team say in response? Are their responses useful at all?

 

[timetodie24]

You deserve to be listened to. I expect many of us are selfish but I don't think that means you should have to sacrifice yourself horribly.

May I ask- what do your MH team say in response? Are their responses useful at all?

They admit that the system isn't something they understand or have experienced. But they try to empathise with how I feel and ask lots of questions to try to understand.
Ultimately I know they can't fix this but it does help to have that space each week to talk about it as they don't judge or overreact.
Atm we're working through a guided self help course on 'unusual sensory experiences' . It helps me feel a little less alone when some of it I relate to. So far it's just a lot of info on understanding things but I guess there's coping strategies later in the course. Just struggle to see myself making it that far

 

[Forever Sleep]

They admit that the system isn't something they understand or have experienced. But they try to empathise with how I feel and ask lots of questions to try to understand.
Ultimately I know they can't fix this but it does help to have that space each week to talk about it as they don't judge or overreact.
Atm we're working through a guided self help course on 'unusual sensory experiences' . It helps me feel a little less alone when some of it I relate to. So far it's just a lot of info on understanding things but I guess there's coping strategies later in the course. Just struggle to see myself making it that far

I think you're doing brilliantly to be doing it. It can't be easy. That's good that they take that approach though. It sounds like the most beneficial. I hope it brings you at least some relief soon.

 

[leavingsoonx]

Your post interest me because they sound like what I think about myself and what I'm going through. So much so I barely believe you're real and just a glitch in my system of things. If I'm real and you're actually real, then I guess maybe it cannot all be true. The things we feel and think.

However it all feels real for me and they won't stop hurting me or telling me to die. If I don't die, others get hurt and are already dead and mocking my existence. Can't tell if it's government, aliens, or clones. Everyone left in my life is just a vessel of who they used to be and they fill the body with a soul that hates me and wants me to kill myself. They make fun of me and constantly try to tell me that every soul is within me: that I'm half angel and half devil.

All I gotta say is you're not alone… other people think in weird ways too. I don't know what else to say and I hope this post doesn't make your experience worse. But really every time I see you post I feel like you're a joke from the universe about my situation (and you can't be, right?)

Nothing feels real or right for me and I've been told I'm a glitch and my time is running out and I'm late for killing myself. When I'm truly suicidal they mock me and mock me because I'm a pussy who won't kill myself yet.

 

[timetodie24]

Your post interest me because they sound like what I think about myself and what I'm going through. So much so I barely believe you're real and just a glitch in my system of things. If I'm real and you're actually real, then I guess maybe it cannot all be true. The things we feel and think.

However it all feels real for me and they won't stop hurting me or telling me to die. If I don't die, others get hurt and are already dead and mocking my existence. Can't tell if it's government, aliens, or clones. Everyone left in my life is just a vessel of who they used to be and they fill the body with a soul that hates me and wants me to kill myself. They make fun of me and constantly try to tell me that every soul is within me: that I'm half angel and half devil.

All I gotta say is you're not alone… other people think in weird ways too. I don't know what else to say and I hope this post doesn't make your experience worse. But really every time I see you post I feel like you're a joke from the universe about my situation (and you can't be, right?)

Nothing feels real or right for me and I've been told I'm a glitch and my time is running out and I'm late for killing myself. When I'm truly suicidal they mock me and mock me because I'm a pussy who won't kill myself yet.

I'm very sorry you can relate, it can be such a confusing, terrifying and lonely experience.

i often don't feel real too, like i'm an evil entity that just stole this body.
The mocking is awful isn't it, I get so exhausted with the taunting because i'm a coward.

Sending you some hugs, if you'd like them

Can't promise how much longer I'll be around but here if you ever want to talk about it

 

[SVEN]

I'm glad that your Health Team admit that, like myself, they just don't experience or view life as you do. I can promise you that I'm not in denial or lying; however I've had my own psychiatric problems in the past (and I'm still kinda paranoid … every time another member 'follows' me on this group it sets me back). My own experiences have demonstrated to me that most people who didn't experience the world as I did weren't deliberately denying or lying; they just weren't living my life and feeling and believing what I did.
Please do be kind to yourself, TtD.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

They admit that the system isn't something they understand or have experienced. But they try to empathise with how I feel and ask lots of questions to try to understand.
Ultimately I know they can't fix this but it does help to have that space each week to talk about it as they don't judge or overreact.
Atm we're working through a guided self help course on 'unusual sensory experiences' . It helps me feel a little less alone when some of it I relate to. So far it's just a lot of info on understanding things but I guess there's coping strategies later in the course. Just struggle to see myself making it that far

I'm thankful your health team admits that as well. You deserve transparency. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can promise there's no part of me that is lying to you. I agree with others upthread that you don't deserve this. I hear your reasons, but you are still a person and there's nothing you intrinsically have done to deserve something so awful feeling. I relate very much to not feeling real. We're here for you, TtD <3

 

[timetodie24]

I'm glad that your Health Team admit that, like myself, they just don't experience or view life as you do. I can promise you that I'm not in denial or lying; however I've had my own psychiatric problems in the past (and I'm still kinda paranoid … every time another member 'follows' me on this group it sets me back). My own experiences have demonstrated to me that most people who didn't experience the world as I did weren't deliberately denying or lying; they just weren't living my life and feeling and believing what I did.
Please do be kind to yourself, TtD.

I'm thankful your health team admits that as well. You deserve transparency. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can promise there's no part of me that is lying to you. I agree with others upthread that you don't deserve this. I hear your reasons, but you are still a person and there's nothing you intrinsically have done to deserve something so awful feeling. I relate very much to not feeling real. We're here for you, TtD <3

Thank you both so much
I'm really sorry for everything as you are all too kind and supportive and don't deserve all this
So glad i got to 'meet' you on here x

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Thank you both so much
I'm really sorry for everything as you are all too kind and supportive and don't deserve all this
So glad i got to 'meet' you on here x

are you leaving? thinking of you xx

here if you wanna talk.

 

[timetodie24]

are you leaving? thinking of you xx

here if you wanna talk.

Not sure

Thank you x

 

[alltoomuch2]

Thank you both so much
I'm really sorry for everything as you are all too kind and supportive and don't deserve all this
So glad i got to 'meet' you on here x

What's happened? Why are the voices suddenly more insistent when you were doing well? This makes me sad that you're having to be extra strong again and that we might lose you. . Are you seeing your cpn today? I know that helps you to understand things a bit better. You've been so kind and strong throughout this. You're certainly not evil. I keep thinking of all the good you bring to us and how much more good it would bring to you and other people if you stayed and were well again. Omg I sound like one of those bloody helplines, but I mean it. Every word. You are the kindest sweetest person. You deserve to stay and you deserve happiness.

 

[timetodie24]

What's happened? Why are the voices suddenly more insistent when you were doing well? This makes me sad that you're having to be extra strong again and that we might lose you. . Are you seeing your cpn today? I know that helps you to understand things a bit better. You've been so kind and strong throughout this. You're certainly not evil. I keep thinking of all the good you bring to us and how much more good it would bring to you and other people if you stayed and were well again. Omg I sound like one of those bloody helplines, but I mean it. Every word. You are the kindest sweetest person. You deserve to stay and you deserve happiness.

I wasn't doing well. It's not them, it's me, just feeling more ready. My cpn is Friday. This is much bigger than her.

I'll never forget all your kindess, compassion and patience with me thank you

 

[SVEN]

I wasn't doing well. It's not them, it's me, just feeling more ready. My cpn is Friday. This is much bigger than her.

I'll never forget all your kindess, compassion and patience with me thank you

Be thinking of you, Friday, TtD, be strong, you're not alone. Perhaps one of the reasons these voices are so strong just now is because you encourage many of us to follow your example and just keep going.
Best wishes.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Your post interest me because they sound like what I think about myself and what I'm going through. So much so I barely believe you're real and just a glitch in my system of things. If I'm real and you're actually real, then I guess maybe it cannot all be true. The things we feel and think.

However it all feels real for me and they won't stop hurting me or telling me to die. If I don't die, others get hurt and are already dead and mocking my existence. Can't tell if it's government, aliens, or clones. Everyone left in my life is just a vessel of who they used to be and they fill the body with a soul that hates me and wants me to kill myself. They make fun of me and constantly try to tell me that every soul is within me: that I'm half angel and half devil.

All I gotta say is you're not alone… other people think in weird ways too. I don't know what else to say and I hope this post doesn't make your experience worse. But really every time I see you post I feel like you're a joke from the universe about my situation (and you can't be, right?)

Nothing feels real or right for me and I've been told I'm a glitch and my time is running out and I'm late for killing myself. When I'm truly suicidal they mock me and mock me because I'm a pussy who won't kill myself yet.

Totally can relate to this too, glad there are more people.

 

[timetodie24]

I'm so scared and confused and panicking. I don't understand. They're threatening others if I don't prove myself first and I have been but they want more. I just need this to stop. They're loud and persistent, even just reading a facebook post, they say that person will die because of me if I don't do what they say. Then they're trying to get me to be aggressive which doesn't make sense. I can't let that happen. It won't stop until I'm dead but even then it has to be by their rules. Nothing anyone can do will stop this. I know i'm so feeble and weak and useless and always crying wolf. But I don't know what to do but I really can't cope

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Stay strong. We are here for you

 

[alltoomuch2]

I'm so scared and confused and panicking. I don't understand. They're threatening others if I don't prove myself first and I have been but they want more. I just need this to stop. They're loud and persistent, even just reading a facebook post, they say that person will die because of me if I don't do what they say. Then they're trying to get me to be aggressive which doesn't make sense. I can't let that happen. It won't stop until I'm dead but even then it has to be by their rules. Nothing anyone can do will stop this. I know i'm so feeble and weak and useless and always crying wolf. But I don't know what to do but I really can't cope

We're here. Stick with it. Stay strong. Take a breath and a pause, even if it's loud. You can't do anything if they're not being clear. Has your CPN suggested anything you can do to stay calm when this happens?

 

[timetodie24]

We're here. Stick with it. Stay strong. Take a breath and a pause, even if it's loud. You can't do anything if they're not being clear. Has your CPN suggested anything you can do to stay calm when this happens?

Thank you both
Not really, we've talked about grounding techniques a bit but don't find them that helpful. Helps a bit when I'm anxious but not really with voices

 

[SVEN]

I'm so scared and confused and panicking. I don't understand. They're threatening others if I don't prove myself first and I have been but they want more. I just need this to stop. They're loud and persistent, even just reading a facebook post, they say that person will die because of me if I don't do what they say. Then they're trying to get me to be aggressive which doesn't make sense. I can't let that happen. It won't stop until I'm dead but even then it has to be by their rules. Nothing anyone can do will stop this. I know i'm so feeble and weak and useless and always crying wolf. But I don't know what to do but I really can't cope

Those voices can't even make us other members hear them, TtD, yet they lie that they can control and harm us. I have my own demons, but they can't control me and I don't hear them speak.
Please try and hang in there meantime. If you choose to ctb for yourself and not to protect others or stop the voices, please believe me I completely respect your right to choose. I just wouldn't want those deceitful, lying voices to use your honesty and willingness to protect others to convince you to act prematurely.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Thank you both
Not really, we've talked about grounding techniques a bit but don't find them that helpful. Helps a bit when I'm anxious but not really with voice

Thank you both
Not really, we've talked about grounding techniques a bit but don't find them that helpful. Helps a bit when I'm anxious but not really with voices

What about some self-soothing things for you. You know, the warm bath, milky drink type stuff. I know it's a bit cliched but it is nice and calming. Do you have any soft toys you really like that you could hug? Just something to be nice to yourself. Maybe write down how your feeling right now and email it to your CPN even if you've already told her. It'll remind her and she might have some other ways to feel safe. Here's another big hug from me . We're all still here with you my friend xxxx

 

[Whale_bones]

I think anyone in your shoes would be feeling very overwhelmed, and you're strong to be continuing on and always trying to think of the right thing to do. Thinking over the past, the voices don't seem to give you a point where you've proven yourself enough. You always have to keep escalating it, and meanwhile they're trying to demand you die in a way that's not right for you, while threatening stressful and frightening things.

So I don't see it as crying wolf at all, you're only trying to make sense of a very confusing situation, where you aren't given a clear path forward. If I were in your shoes, I hope I would be strong enough to do what you do and keep thinking through things with the goal to do what's best and what's right. You put a lot of effort into making sure you don't hurt others, that's very admirable and something I hope I would do too. Sending you hugs and a bit of comfort

 

[NoPoint2Life]

How's it going @timetodie24 ?
I hope your CPN appointment goes well tomorrow

 

[alltoomuch2]

How did today go my friend? xxxx You can post an emoji if you don't have words xxx