NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[darksouls]

 

[Skallagrim]

SSRIs...

 

[darksouls]

 

[Skallagrim]

My favorite movie review:

 

[darksouls]

 

[maniac116]

One day, a woman decides to spice things up with her husband...
So she goes out and buys crotchless underwear.

Her husband comes home and she tells him to "come and get some of this".

The husband walks in, but immediately recoils in shock. "Hell no! It bit a hole in your underwear!"

 

[darksouls]

 

[amerie]

That's so cute wait

 

[darksouls]

 

[amerie]

From Chuck E. Cheese credit card fraud bodycam

 

[amerie]

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

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the "oh god why" cracked me up

 

[maniac116]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy...
She approached the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.".

 

[darksouls]

 

[maniac116]

THESE ARE ACTUAL LAST WORDS OF "FAMOUS" PEOPLE:
1) "Hey fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? 'French fries.'"
— James French, convicted murderer (before his execution)

2) "What the devil do you mean to sing to me, priest? You are out of tune."
— Jean-Philippe Rameau, composer (as the priest sung hymns at his deathbed)

3) "Good. A woman who can fart is not dead."
— Louise-Marie-Thérèse de Saint Maurice, Comtesse de Vercellis (after letting one rip)

 

[darksouls]

 

[maniac116]

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

 

[amerie]

 

[darksouls]