NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Suicidal jokes are pretty funny,
But it's even funnier when it ends!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm alive, but currently that's one of my biggest problems....

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Why did the chicken commit suicide ???
To get to the other side.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

A suicide bomb instructor is training a class.
Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!

 

[Just_Another_Person]

People here seem very cool, I'd like do hang out with them but they already hang themselves.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems....
...if I could just get the right people to try it.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I am chasing death but he is faster....

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

No matter how many drafts of my suicide note I write, I just can't seem to end it.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

"I was talking to my therapist and he goes, 'You tend to pursue damaged people and try to help them.' I was like, 'You too.'"

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Richard Pryor...
(From a documentary on Vice)

Thinking about death, though, I'd like to die like my father died.
Right? My father died fucking. He did. My father was 57 when he died, right,
And the woman was 18.
My father came and went at the same time.

 

[Silent_cries]

I've got one!

How to become a murderer without going to jail according to society:

 

[Silent_cries]

Bad serial killers kill for their own enjoyment,
good serial killers kill to end ppls suffering.

Hope this didn't get too dark.
What did the psychiatrist say to the patient who asked for privacy?

"We can't allow privacy, it's just too dangerous!"

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I have heard it said that when
One door closes
God opens up a window
But I live on the seventh floor

Honours go to Voilà (train of thoughts)
Gave me a good chuckle.

 

[Silent_cries]

I've been told my whole life to hang in there,
It's time I finally did just that.

 

[maniac116]

"I'd say at least I'm alive, but currently that's one of my biggest problems."

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

My health insurance plan is to get so sick, so fast I die before I care

I wouldn't say I'm quirky. But there is definitely something wrong with me.

 

[Lost Magic]

This is from a Tales from the Crypt episode.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

My health insurance plan is to get so sick, so fast, I die before I care

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Mommy, mommy, why is dad so pale? Shut up, kid, and keep digging.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

If– eh, when I die, can you play a pre-recorded voice recording in the coffin when no one is looking so it sounds like I'm not actually dead? Let's give them a little hope before I crush em' again one last time."

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep walking in circles?
Be quiet, or I'll nail your other foot to the ground as well.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

If– eh, when I die, can you play a pre-recorded voice recording in the coffin when no one is looking so it sounds like I'm not actually dead? Let's give them a little hope before I crush em' again one last time."

I think someone actually shared a real YouTube video on this recently. Maybe @foreversleep?
I don't think the people had any hope but it certainly got them to smile and laugh, and I'm sure with that person's imagination that they were thinking that is exactly something the deceased person would do

 

[Electra]