Good things happened but still sad and empty.

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I can't be bothered to write this all out in neat paragraphs or mke sure it hs good grammar, whatever.

I went to Peru to meet a girl ive been talking to onlin for a year and a half. We went to Cusco together, were going to go to Machu pichu but my chronic illness flaired up and i just couldnt do it. So we turned back. She is so kind and understanding, she wasn't even upset at me.

We decided we want to have a serious relationship, a romantic one and not just friends like we had been so far. We're both very religious so I'm going to talk to her mother and pastor to get their blessings. It will be long distance since I live in North America but I really love her, and she loves me. I am learning spanish and will hopefully come back in the future.

I love her, truly, but I'm stil suicidal. I still feel physical pain daily fom my chronic illnesses. I still feel empty and broken inside. Is it really right for me to get into a serious relationship when I feel I might be dead before the end of the year?

I'm not leading her on, I'm not lying to her. She knows I'm depressed and even suicidal. I promised her when I return home I will go to therapy, see new doctors for my physical conditions, really try to get better for my sake for her sake, for Jesus. I mean that, I really will try. But in my heart I dont feel it will work, I dont think there's any hope for me.

My life is so painful. I cant ever make peace with the fact that I was born and now I need to conciously feel my body fester, my intestines cramp, my bowels burn, and still work every day and suffer and stress until I die. I want to skip it all and just go to the moment I am dying of cancer or somethin when I'm 70. I love holding her and kissing her, I love spending time with her, but her presence and her love isnt' enough to make this pain disappear. It's not her fault and it's not mine, its just an awful situation for everyone, and Im he one who sufers the most because of it.

She told me she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I asked her, you know im suicidal right? you remember Im not a healthy normal person and never will be? you know I'm totally hopeless and broken? She said she knew all of it but still wanted to be with me. She's a saint and I love her so much. But I know I will either leave her behind or it will fall apart due to my neurosis, my illness, and my problems.

I just want to disappear. I don't want to fight anymore. It's been 10 years, and it's not getting better, only worse. Every good thing is being taken away from me, all I can do is pretend to be a normal person. But no matter what I do, I won't be a normal person. Normal people don't feel burning in the gastroistestinal tract and experience bowel disfunction, they don't have something messed up with their bladder that makes it feel like they're going to piss themselves all the time, and they don't hate themselves and want to die.

 

[Aya&Dazy]

Hi, from what you explain. Suicidal, pain, bowel disfunctionI and Burning in the GI Tract. I only suffering with arthritis pain though. I recently learn about carnivore diet, it helps will my pain tremendously. I hope I do not sounds crazy to recommend this to you and this is not medical advise. But when i cut carb, dairy, remove plants completely and eat beef, my pain is less and less. No carb is so damn hard but it's so worth it. Have you ever tried to look into your diet? Maybe it help and worth trying a week or 2 you will know if there is hope or not.

 

[salviap]

I can't be bothered to write this all out in neat paragraphs or mke sure it hs good grammar, whatever.

I went to Peru to meet a girl ive been talking to onlin for a year and a half. We went to Cusco together, were going to go to Machu pichu but my chronic illness flaired up and i just couldnt do it. So we turned back. She is so kind and understanding, she wasn't even upset at me.

We decided we want to have a serious relationship, a romantic one and not just friends like we had been so far. We're both very religious so I'm going to talk to her mother and pastor to get their blessings. It will be long distance since I live in North America but I really love her, and she loves me. I am learning spanish and will hopefully come back in the future.

I love her, truly, but I'm stil suicidal. I still feel physical pain daily fom my chronic illnesses. I still feel empty and broken inside. Is it really right for me to get into a serious relationship when I feel I might be dead before the end of the year?

I'm not leading her on, I'm not lying to her. She knows I'm depressed and even suicidal. I promised her when I return home I will go to therapy, see new doctors for my physical conditions, really try to get better for my sake for her sake, for Jesus. I mean that, I really will try. But in my heart I dont feel it will work, I dont think there's any hope for me.

My life is so painful. I cant ever make peace with the fact that I was born and now I need to conciously feel my body fester, my intestines cramp, my bowels burn, and still work every day and suffer and stress until I die. I want to skip it all and just go to the moment I am dying of cancer or somethin when I'm 70. I love holding her and kissing her, I love spending time with her, but her presence and her love isnt' enough to make this pain disappear. It's not her fault and it's not mine, its just an awful situation for everyone, and Im he one who sufers the most because of it.

She told me she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I asked her, you know im suicidal right? you remember Im not a healthy normal person and never will be? you know I'm totally hopeless and broken? She said she knew all of it but still wanted to be with me. She's a saint and I love her so much. But I know I will either leave her behind or it will fall apart due to my neurosis, my illness, and my problems.

I just want to disappear. I don't want to fight anymore. It's been 10 years, and it's not getting better, only worse. Every good thing is being taken away from me, all I can do is pretend to be a normal person. But no matter what I do, I won't be a normal person. Normal people don't feel burning in the gastroistestinal tract and experience bowel disfunction, they don't have something messed up with their bladder that makes it feel like they're going to piss themselves all the time, and they don't hate themselves and want to die.

I feel this greatly. I have a chronic illness as well that prevents me from doing many things in my life. im so sorry to hear .

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Hi, from what you explain. Suicidal, pain, bowel disfunctionI and Burning in the GI Tract. I only suffering with arthritis pain though. I recently learn about carnivore diet, it helps will my pain tremendously. I hope I do not sounds crazy to recommend this to you and this is not medical advise. But when i cut carb, dairy, remove plants completely and eat beef, my pain is less and less. No carb is so damn hard but it's so worth it. Have you ever tried to look into your diet? Maybe it help and worth trying a week or 2 you will know if there is hope or not.

I've actually tried it before for about a month. It did make me feel better at first but then seemed to make me feel worse, so I returned to a normal (but healthy and balanced) diet. But I may try it again in the future, I may as well go all in for a few months before I off myself if I ever decide living with my illnesses is no longer an option. Thanks for sharing, and I'm glad to hear you've gotten some relief from carnivore!