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Story Guilt is the only thing that's actually stopping me

ssaaahmo

ssaaahmo

Experienced
May 18, 2020
219
My friend says she needs me more than ever right now so I feel like I have to stay around forever so I can help her.
My mother also said one time that if I kill myself, my sibling's children will think "well if aunty ____________________ could kill themselves, I can too!!!!"
So now I feel extremely guilted into staying even though I don't want to .
Does anyone else feel like this?
 
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Reactions: Mooshi and deadpixels
Kezrina

Kezrina

Kezrina
May 19, 2020
13
ssaaahmo said:
My friend says she needs me more than ever right now so I feel like I have to stay around forever so I can help her.
My mother also said one time that if I kill myself, my sibling's children will think "well if aunty ____________________ could kill themselves, I can too!!!!"
So now I feel extremely guilted into staying even though I don't want to .
Does anyone else feel like this?
Click to expand...
Yes my ex partner knows how down I am and he says he would never forgive if I killed myself, because of the impact on my daughter, he wouldn't let her go to my funeral or have anymore contact with my family. This plays on my mind alot.
 
ssaaahmo

ssaaahmo

Experienced
May 18, 2020
219
Wow that's a lot
Just to clarify my siblings don't have kids yet but I'm scared of giving people bad ideas if that makes sense
Kezrina said:
Yes my ex partner knows how down I am and he says he would never forgive if I killed myself, because of the impact on my daughter, he wouldn't let her go to my funeral or have anymore contact with my family. This plays on my mind alot.
Click to expand...
I feel like she should get to decide whether she wants to go to your funeral or not (unless she's like 5 or something then maybe that's a different story
 
NekoNomNom

NekoNomNom

There is no right to heal the wrong
May 3, 2020
248
I was 11 when I had accepted my fate of a near death experience when I almost drowned. Then when I was 12 I tried to ctb for the first time, so I know that there is willpower in me to die. However, the only reason I hesitate now is because of my son. He is definitely why my SI kicks on so strongly now. It can be a cruel thing to be bound to people we love when it gets to be like this.
 
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