Venting Having a hard time

[LivingANDDying26]

Having a hard time self soothing. I've been having a hard time with that for days now.

Cant eat I actually did sleep so. Needa go pay rent gonna try to leave in a few hours.

It's easy to run on no energy I guess.

I have to pretend when I move. I can't be depressed or really upset. I cant be feeling suicidal. At least I cant let anyone kno I feel this.

I cant be stuck in depression or anything I have to move / eat / keep clean. Easy stuff right?

I always have my days but now I cant. I risk getting kicked out and that just sucks. Everything fucking sucks.

I'm just gonna pretend bc I have to.

 

[Soul]

I know the feeling, @Imtrying21 (((hug)))
It's all exhausting sometimes.

What are your usual self-soothing techniques?

Here's a Buddhist chant that does me good - the second recording on the page especially. I'm not a practicing Buddhist but it uplifts me.

The Heart Sutra

A year ago I posted my chanting of the Heart Sutra in english on this site. It was warmly appreciated by many, but I have decided to replace it by 2 different versions: The Nalanda commitee transla…

vajrasound.com

 

[LivingANDDying26]

I know the feeling, @Imtrying21 (((hug)))
It's all exhausting sometimes.

What are your usual self-soothing techniques?

Here's a Buddhist chant that does me good - the second recording on the page especially. I'm not a practicing Buddhist but it uplifts me.

The Heart Sutra

A year ago I posted my chanting of the Heart Sutra in english on this site. It was warmly appreciated by many, but I have decided to replace it by 2 different versions: The Nalanda commitee transla…

vajrasound.com

Honestly just distracting or doing something but truthfully haven't been able to tap into any self soothing techniques in days...

Ty for sending this. Listening to it now. I'm not Buddhist either but I'm interested.

 

[randomz]

I know how that feels. Maybe try doing what you enjoy more. If your current hobbies don't help you, then explore for something else you can do to distract yourself - I recently took on playing yu-gi-oh after a 7 year break, and it helps me a bit with my mood.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

On these days, when I have to do something, I make it my only goal for the day. Sometimes I make a list and then I get to complete the list with that one thing.

Don't worry about anything else. Go in your pajamas and with unbrushed teeth if you like. Just get the one thing done.

If you're up to it and its not inconvenient, get yourself a treat on the way home. You're working hard today.

Just being kind to yourself is self care. Letting yourself off the hook from cleaning, cooking, whatever. Eat the Spaghettios out of the can if you like. If you're in the UK, stuff yourself with Jaffa Cakes.

I hope your mood lifts a bit. It's hard days when you feel this low.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

On these days, when I have to do something, I make it my only goal for the day. Sometimes I make a list and then I get to complete the list with that one thing.

Don't worry about anything else. Go in your pajamas and with unbrushed teeth if you like. Just get the one thing done.

If you're up to it and its not inconvenient, get yourself a treat on the way home. You're working hard today.

Just being kind to yourself is self care. Letting yourself off the hook from cleaning, cooking, whatever. Eat the Spaghettios out of the can if you like. If you're in the UK, stuff yourself with Jaffa Cakes.

I hope your mood lifts a bit. It's hard days when you feel this low.

Ty for this kind message. I'd honesy just go the mess I am but I fear they won't want me around if that's the case....

But I guess one goal is to pay rent.. see what else I can get done.

Just packed some of my suitcase already on the way there ^.^

 

[Shero]

A method of stimming i use since childhood is jactatio corporis. It's the rocking back and forth of the upper body. I use it in combination with music, to further enhance the effect. Maybe it helps.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

I dont think anything but forced mental silence will help. I cant self soothe so I'm just tryna distance my feelings.

I hate everything. If I show any kind of crazy I will not have a home.

I dont even want to move anymore honestly. I think at this point I'd rather just be homeless and end my life.

Gonna try to nap for an hour then shower and leave. I'm tired of not being able to be human I'm fucked up and I'd love to be able to manage with support but emotions just scare everyone especially if they are big.

So I'll just be starving small silent. I dont want to feed this body this vessel.

Honestly debating just ending it this weekend wouldn't be impulsive bc I honestly cant anymore. I dont want to wait anymore. Who knows if it'll even work out.

Least jumping is guaranteed even if it's a shitty way to go.

 

[randomz]

I dont think anything but forced mental silence will help. I cant self soothe so I'm just tryna distance my feelings.

I hate everything. If I show any kind of crazy I will not have a home.

I dont even want to move anymore honestly. I think at this point I'd rather just be homeless and end my life.

Gonna try to nap for an hour then shower and leave. I'm tired of not being able to be human I'm fucked up and I'd love to be able to manage with support but emotions just scare everyone especially if they are big.

So I'll just be starving small silent. I dont want to feed this body this vessel.

Honestly debating just ending it this weekend wouldn't be impulsive bc I honestly cant anymore. I dont want to wait anymore. Who knows if it'll even work out.

Least jumping is guaranteed even if it's a shitty way to go.

Maybe you should give yourself some well earned rest? maybe try booking a cheap hotel room in a nearby town/city lying to everyone that you have some work to do and have to be away for a day or two. Just give yourself some time with your true feelings? These might help.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

At this point my dad was suppose to come to help TONIGHT. hasn't answered my mom yet.

God I'm so fucking tempted to just fucking leave and go to my new place and turn off my fuckin phone or something.

I'm so fucking tired and day in day out been WAITING FOR HIM TO BE READY.

All of this makes me sick and I honestly hope hes not coming tonight fucking ridiculous. Even if he got here now he wouldn't be helping with anything ffs.