I really feel for you and everyone else on this thread, soon I'll be 26 so I haven't made it quite as far as all of you yet, but I can definitely feel age creeping up and my world progressively getting smaller and smaller. I also spent my childhood and youth simply trying to survive, and missed out on so much. Before I knew it, I was already a full-fledged adult, and scarcely had any of those happy memories that people love to reminisce about. Life passes a lot of us by it seems- time doesn't stop for anyone.
I've also always hated the saying, growing old is a privilege. Ever since I was young, I helped take care of aging or sick family members. I remember my auntie saying things like, she would give anything to be a teenager again, and getting a sinking feeling of dread about what was to come when I got older, if this was how my relatives reflected on their middle aged and elderly lives.
Over the course of my grandpa being on his deathbed, he lost the ability to do many of the things he loved and spent the days bedridden and peeing on himself. I was still only a teenager at that time and would cry myself to sleep every night hearing my grandpa struggling to breathe, watching him suffer day in and day out knowing that the person I loved was fading away.
From that moment on, I knew I didn't want to reach a very old age. I've been helping my grandmother in her extremely old age too, and watching her health crumble over time, alongside her constant, ever-present acknowledgement of death is just devastating... especially when your memories of what things were like before your relatives reached such a state are less and less vivid or clear as the years fly by. You only remember their fragility and sickness when your mind is tainted with facing that reality on the daily. If anything has zapped my remaining will to live away, it is having more gravestones in my family than living people.
Very relatable. I'm early middle-age too, and the changes are real. As someone said in an earlier comment, the difference between being over 30 or over 40 is night and day. At around 40, hormonal and other changes start to occur, and you don't feel the same anymore. Between 30 and 40, you are just a bit older, but otherwise a stronger, wiser, better version of yourself. But from 40, it's all downhill.
Some people have it better, some have it worse. I've read a lot of comments on Reddit about it, and apparently, some people don't feel too different even at around 50 or 60, but that is the exception.
When I was younger, and older people told me that after 40, issues start to crop up, and you can't do anything about it, I didn't believe them. They were right.
When I was younger, deep down, I suspected this was going to happen. Secretly I hoped that it wouldn't, but I thought it might. And I have always told myself that if my life doesn't bet better until about 50, I'm out. I'm not exactly at that age yet, but I already feel like I want to check out even earlier than that. It's just not worth it to drag this on any longer…
I believe, a human's life has a few major phases. Early childhood, then teenage years and adolescence, early adulthood, then the most productive years somewhere between 25 and 40, then middle age, and old age. I think, if someone can't establish themselves between 25 and 40, and create a life that they want to live, there is not much hope for anything to change from there on.
No-one cares about you after 40. You're not a kid anymore. And you are not cool anymore. Slowly, but surely, you're starting to become "the old guy in the room". You're supposed to represent strength and wisdom. You're expected to be the provider. To your family, to your kids, to friends, to society. If you can't do that, or not feeling like it, or you're unhappy, or behind in life, no-one feels sorry for you, no-one cares. This can be different if you have a family, or already have relationships based on mutual love and respect. But if you don't have those already, then the sad reality is that life has gone past you, and most likely you can't do anything about it.
At least, that's how I feel. The sad truth.
Wow, all of this is so true. You explained this feeling of smallness and atomisation that happens in the later phases of adulthood so well. It is really depressing how little society as a whole (regardless of country or culture) cares about the welfare and happiness of older adults. Like you said, there's the implicit expectation that you have everything figured out around age 25 or so. Were there certain goals you wanted to achieve that you weren't able to before you hit this age, and now it feels impossible?
I started getting this feeling as early as a few years ago, that when it came down to certain aspects of life, my time was up, due to my poor health (which tbf is rare for someone my age). I was learning music and had to quit due to chronic pain, but even at age 18/19 I was told by other musicians and even instructors that I would always struggle to progress because I hadn't been learning since childhood like most people, and that stuck with me ever since. We're always told it's never too late to do what you want, but in specific situations it is considerably more difficult if not impossible to do certain things you want later on in life. Opportunity cost is very damning.
Becoming the old person in the room is a weird and solenn feeling. I've recently realized that soon, a lot of my interests like fashion will be off-limits as it's all geared towards younger people who don't have aging skin and bodies. As a woman, you only feel valued when you are young and innocent, to grow older and carry the accompanying baggage that is included with those major transitions in life, heartbreaks, and formative experiences or lack thereof is seen as unappealing to many Not only that, but I've also hit the wall you've described where other people expect to perceive you as a responsible adult, and have everything figured out, while sinking and drowning under the weight of such expectations.
All of the problems I had when I was younger, internally, still exist to this day, but I'm expected to carry on as if they disappeared. I can't provide for anyone else, because I cannot even take care of myself. Yet, you're just expected to be able to flawlessly manage everything and exist without support at a certain age. As someone who won't be having kids and has never had good relationships, has lost all of my family, is in poor health, and constantly judged for my nerdy hobbies due to being "too old", I honestly do not see the point in continuing anymore.
I already do the best I can (mostly at least) to stay young as long as possible, but there's unfortunately no stopping aging right now.. 
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