Having an extremely hard time getting older

[cemeteryismyhome]

I hate being old enough to start to see history repeat itself. To hear people who weren't even born when something happened tell me I'm wrong about what happened. To realize that when an attractive young woman smiles at me and is nice, it's because I remind her of her dead grandfather. To have a lot of experience and knowledge which is either useless or unvalued. I've come to view the following as a sort-of bright spot: Each day I live is one less to suffer through, and, the years go faster and faster. All I have to do is wait a sec and it's over. Finally.

 

[astonishedturnip]

I was so, SO ready for the 27 Club to swoop down and magically take me away (with no effort on my part -- this was pre-CTB ideations). Now I'm 30, turning 31 soon, and wished on my 30th birthday that I wouldn't live to see 40.

I spent my teenage years surviving a school experience rife with bullying and academic pressures. Spent my 20s exhausted with a difficult job and then COVID hit right when I started coming into myself. I actually had a blush of revitalization when I turned 30 and kind of felt like the world was at my feet because I had a glow up, finally found a job that made me financially stable, and felt at peace, still young. Then got knocked on my ass by people who were quick to remind me that, "Uh, Turnip, you're actually not young, you have hit the wall and are losing your eggs and all your friends are married or deep in relationships by now." So really, it's been three decades of crap.

Men already have no real interest in me -- what am I going to do when the last vestiges of "youthful looks" poop out lol. Running out of time to find a husband and have kids. Slowly aging out of the group travel service I use, since it's only for ages 18 - 35. Friendships fading away faster and harder as they disappear into taking care of spouses and kids. Parents are getting older and I worry about them constantly. And why do I want to get older, personally? No one will be around to take care of me. I don't want to be alone. Nor the weird spinster aunt my niblings are forced to hug at holiday time.

No fuckin way do I want to do this for another 50-60-70! years.

 

[Nobody'sHero]

Yo... what the fuck, this thread is getting to me hahaha I'm 29, about to turn 30 in July and have done very little other than fuck up. Younger I was considered smart but I have always been battling with my own brain and I've been losing a lot lately. I have ruined my career and the relationships that I have been in. I feel like I never really learned how to be around/work with/ interact with people on a deeper and meaningful level. Having kids would be the ONLY reason I would stick around, but again, that does not seem likely now. I would not stick around for my parents, they're alright but kind of abandoned me when I was a teenager and are the main reason I don't really trust people. The relationship never really healed, to this day I don't talk to my dad much and get updates on him through my mom.

I don't want to last until I'm older, I'm trying to find a reason to live, but feel like my time has ran out already. More and more it feels like I'm just waiting for the end to come...

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I was so, SO ready for the 27 Club to swoop down and magically take me away (with no effort on my part -- this was pre-CTB ideations). Now I'm 30, turning 31 soon, and wished on my 30th birthday that I wouldn't live to see 40.

I spent my teenage years surviving a school experience rife with bullying and academic pressures. Spent my 20s exhausted with a difficult job and then COVID hit right when I started coming into myself. I actually had a blush of revitalization when I turned 30 and kind of felt like the world was at my feet because I had a glow up, finally found a job that made me financially stable, and felt at peace, still young. Then got knocked on my ass by people who were quick to remind me that, "Uh, Turnip, you're actually not young, you have hit the wall and are losing your eggs and all your friends are married or deep in relationships by now." So really, it's been three decades of crap.

Men already have no real interest in me -- what am I going to do when the last vestiges of "youthful looks" poop out lol. Running out of time to find a husband and have kids. Slowly aging out of the group travel service I use, since it's only for ages 18 - 35. Friendships fading away faster and harder as they disappear into taking care of spouses and kids. Parents are getting older and I worry about them constantly. And why do I want to get older, personally? No one will be around to take care of me. I don't want to be alone. Nor the weird spinster aunt my niblings are forced to hug at holiday time.

No fuckin way do I want to do this for another 50-60-70! years.

Can relate a lot as my late 20s are creeping up on me. Though I don't want kids as it would be an absolutely terrible decision for myself and the potential children (and I'm probably not even physically able to handle childbirth either) it's really disheartening to see everyone else my age and older starting to "settle down" while I have nothing.

As a woman, it's so scary for us, because older men will constantly hype each other up and reassure one another it's not too late to reinvent themselves, women get thrust with the "hitting the wall" bs. I don't really know what the answer is for women like us who are getting older and not into the marriage and kids domestic lifestyle that's expected of us at our age, even if it's something you desire for your future. I don't really have any answers, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone with these feelings.

 

[grungy自殺]

I hate the fact that i'm getting older and it's exacerbated by the fact of how extremely unfulfilled i am because of how crappy the last few years of my existence has been and literally i know that it wouldn't get better. It'll only be a few years until i'm 25 and hopefully i won't get pass that age for me to continue suffering in this stupid, vapid world. I would have to be planning hard for me to seriously bypass the obstacle that is preventing me from ctbing and if that time comes i'll no longer be here and i'll achieve the peace that i want and deserve

 

[sanction]

We all just here waiting around to die. Just gradually degrade......decline...... work and stress ourselves to the grave

Then still being invoiced for dying, because sometimes even dying is not free (medical, coffin, burial, unpaid debt, etc.)

Life is such a "gift" isn't it??

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

I know this won't be of any comfort. I'm well past middle age (59) and here's why. The way I look at things, a person's era in time can be broken up into 3 stages - 1)young 2)midde age 3)old. Since average life expectancy is about 75 years, that would put birth until about 25 years as young, 26 until about 50 as middle age, and 51 until about 75 as old. Even if you increase average life expectancy to 81, it doesn't appreciably alter the ranges - birth until about 27 is young, 28 until 54 is middle age, and 55 until 81 being old.

Save the grace for ballet. It has nothing to do with aging.

This makes me see age differently now, life is shorter all of a sudden and going down the other side of the rainbow not graceful indeed

 

[J&L383]

Was doing okay in my early 40's but still playing catch up then a myriad of problems happened during the covid years sent me back to the stone ages. Now I'm closer to 50 than 40 and I realize how wrong my life has been and it's too late to fix any of it.

Was doing great until I started reading this thread. . Covid really did a number on me too. Remote work, isolation, got sick once. Feel like I've aged 10 years in the last five.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Was doing great until I started reading this thread

Yeah this one's a doom pill for sure.

 

[Thomas599]

I know that there are people who care about me but as I get older, I seem to care less and less about the other people in my life. As a few people have noted in this thread, I am just tired. At this point I am suffering from depression, diabetes and now heart problems. Maybe life is telling me that I have come to the end of my time here on earth?

 

[sanction]

This life is such a damn hassle

The negative outweighs the positive by hundreds of times (maybe thousands)

 

[ForestGhost]

There's a lyric from a song that lives rent free in my head: "When we were just lambs we thought we'd never be the sheep"

It's true. I was a teenager, then I blinked and now my entire youth is pretty much gone. I don't think I can still really accept the prospect of aging. Mentally I've barely changed in almost a decade, but my body tracks the years -- is this face even mine? I can barely stand it. My brain wants time to stand still so I can make up for all the years lost to mental illness. But it marches on regardless.

 

[divinemistress36]

For a lot of people their 30s are the best times since they know themselves more and become financially stable . For me its been the worst cause of brain injury so Ive missed out . 40s and older sound terrifying if you dont have your shit together and bad health

 

[rs929]

This is the kind of topic where the forum becomes an echo chamber. Optimist non-depressed people will say getting old is worth it. Because life is good and that kind of shit. I think they're ridiculous but I do think there will be an obvious negative bias in SaSu. I think the rational truth is somewhere in the middle, not at the extremes.

That being said, there is a reason why I'm in this forum and I wish I die peacefully in my sleep or by N before I become old. I don't think it's worth it unless you have grandchildren which I don't see me having

 

[happysunnydayy]

I can relate. I feel a lot of anxiety towards aging, mainly because of the period between 30 and 40 being the time when one makes the huge decision of whether to have children (biological or otherwise).
My boyfriend has panic attacks regarding aging and death. He spent almost a decade caring for his dying mother and being abused at a past job. He feels like he lost years of his life that he won't ever get back. Similarly, I spent the majority of my life trying to heal from all the grief I went through and just working myself to the ground to afford being independent. We both have very little memories that aren't sad...

I feel like I haven't properly lived yet...
Through the years, my boyfriend and I have spoken about having children and we are both undecided - we think we can be good parents, we have the means, but the magnitude of the decision is so great that we fear regret. At the same time, we fear regretting not having had them. Either way, it sucks, especially when you feel you haven't lived enough.

I wish I was 20 now, so I would have another 10 years before needing to think about this deeply. Either way, we have decided that, if we're still on the fence when the time comes to it, that we won't have kids as we would rather regret not having them than regret having had them.

I just wished time stopped so we could catch up. There are many things I want to create and experiences I want to live with my boyfriend, but both being so severely depressed hinders all aspects of life. Years go by and all we do is work - our day job and work on getting better whilst never actually living.

Why have children? Let them rest in the oblivion forever. They'll never suffer in any way. The most empathetic thing you can do is to not have them.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Why have children? Let them rest in the oblivion forever. They'll never suffer in any way. The most empathetic thing you can do is to not have them.

Because I think we could be good parents. There are a lot of children without parents who could benefit from caring parents with good financial means so there's that as far as adoption goes.
As for biological children, I'm on the fence as my boyfriend always wanted them and I think I would enjoy caring for a child of my own and seeing them thrive. I think between both of us there's nice genetic material that could hopefully make a good human. It's not a black and white decision as there's logic involved but also emotions.

All in all, my mindset is that I'd rather regret not having them/adopting them rather than regretting having them. So we'd only consider it seriously when/if we're both doing much better health wise. It just sucks that there is a time limit for deciding.

 

[depressedinsomniac]

thread should have a warning label jeez it is extremely depressing

up until i lost my mental health i was extremely optimistic…but once insomnia and depression kicked in man i lost all of that…i used to say oh just keep working till retirement…just keep hanging on…insomnia makes it very hard along with depression…then there is finances…the more i think about it the more society makes sense but it is harsh…you need to establish friends and family and i dont really have those things…so that lonliness leads to depression. You need to make yourself a success some way somehow but you still end up essentially a slave to money unless you are wealthy…a poor person without friends/family is in a lot of trouble. You add poor physical health to poor mental health it is seemingly impossible to succeed. Life is hard. But it makes sense. This world to me is a sort of hell realm. You would think in the first world countries they would escape it. Some do for a time i suppose. But the way we are designed it always seems to catch up to us. It's pretty crazy.