Venting Help

[r0se710]

i really cant stand to be alive anymore but I'm too coward to kill myself. What do I do...

 

[Dead_Inside]

What's going on?

 

[Lara Francis]

Welcome to the forum R0se710.
Would u like to share more on what is happening for you right now ?

 

[Dead_Inside]

Or if you don't want to talk openly you are more than welcome to PM me. I am insane and suicidal but only in the nicest of ways ...

 

[Its911]

i really cant stand to be alive anymore but I'm too coward to kill myself. What do I do...

This is a judgement free zone and probably the only place many of us have to actually write and express the way we really feel. So you read about our experiences and the moral support given here. Maybe you can find solace in knowing that your not alone, you got a whole bunch of us here at the lunny bin :)

 

[r0se710]

Do you ever feel like you're just a ghost to everyone? Everyone has been ignoring what I say not noticing I'm there. And no one is busy with their lives. I get put down on a daily basis. They say I'm not doing good enough. That I'm retarded and my parents wish they aborted me. I'm not allowed to see my own first born anymore because they think I'm a terrible mother and incapable of taking care of my child... My friends left my life because they didn't want to deal with me being sad all the time...

 

[lululoo]

Do you ever feel like you're just a ghost to everyone? Everyone has been ignoring what I say not noticing I'm there. And no one is busy with their lives. I get put down on a daily basis. They say I'm not doing good enough. That I'm retarded and my parents wish they aborted me. I'm not allowed to see my own first born anymore because they think I'm a terrible mother and incapable of taking care of my child... My friends left my life because they didn't want to deal with me being sad all the time...

I'm sorry you feel this way. I also feel a bit like a ghost. Like no matter how much I suffer no one will ever really notice.

 

[Vaughn]

i really cant stand to be alive anymore but I'm too coward to kill myself. What do I do...

As you said you "can't stand to be alive anymore" and you ask what do I do ? Well probably will do like the majority of us - live through the pain for years, to then be really decided to Exit or you may find that SPARK and move on into life further... take a deep breath and see...

 

[Jiva]

i really cant stand to be alive anymore but I'm too coward to kill myself. What do I do...

Hug. Many people have it the same. Me too. Dont be sad. It requires more time, i think. I failed, so i must looking for a new courage again. Maybe you find a courage for life, or maybe you find a courage die. You have some time for thinking like me and other members here.

 

[odette]

Do you ever feel like you're just a ghost to everyone? Everyone has been ignoring what I say not noticing I'm there. And no one is busy with their lives. I get put down on a daily basis. They say I'm not doing good enough. That I'm retarded and my parents wish they aborted me. I'm not allowed to see my own first born anymore because they think I'm a terrible mother and incapable of taking care of my child... My friends left my life because they didn't want to deal with me being sad all the time...

Oh that sounds just awful. Of course you need someone who listens to you. Of course you need to feel like you can do something "good enough." Being rejected for being sad is one of the most painful things in the world.

What would you like these people to understand?

 

[Letmego. Please]

Do you ever feel like you're just a ghost to everyone? Everyone has been ignoring what I say not noticing I'm there. And no one is busy with their lives. I get put down on a daily basis. They say I'm not doing good enough. That I'm retarded and my parents wish they aborted me. I'm not allowed to see my own first born anymore because they think I'm a terrible mother and incapable of taking care of my child... My friends left my life because they didn't want to deal with me being sad all the time...

Hey, nice to met you, sorry its here.
Your parents sounds very abusive & manipulative, that is one nasty thing to say to a person. Do you have to live with them or are you free as such? They cannot just decide that you cannot see your child, the only people that cab do that are social wankers and the like, is there anyway you can find so help to fight to get your child back?

I hope something good will come from you talking here. Take care. Hugs.

 

[r0se710]

Hey, nice to met you, sorry its here.
Your parents sounds very abusive & manipulative, that is one nasty thing to say to a person. Do you have to live with them or are you free as such? They cannot just decide that you cannot see your child, the only people that cab do that are social wankers and the like, is there anyway you can find so help to fight to get your child back?

I hope something good will come from you talking here. Take care. Hugs.

I am certainly free to leave as I please. What I'm scared of is if I try to fight for my child she'll win anyways because she'll use my mental health to her advantage... someone asked me what I want people to understand, and I honestly don't know. I guess I want people to understand how I feel... I've tried venting to people about this kind of stuff before and all they say is "well stop lookin at everything in a negative way!" Like just stuff like that...

 

[21Neberg]

Do you ever feel like you're just a ghost to everyone? Everyone has been ignoring what I say not noticing I'm there. And no one is busy with their lives. I get put down on a daily basis. They say I'm not doing good enough. That I'm retarded and my parents wish they aborted me. I'm not allowed to see my own first born anymore because they think I'm a terrible mother and incapable of taking care of my child... My friends left my life because they didn't want to deal with me being sad all the time...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. The feelings of loneliness and denial are causing these thoughts, but don't think they're right. You are in fact a beautiful person and I'm sure you'd be a great mother if they'd give you the chance to be one. Is there anything you can do law-wise to see your first-born again?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

I am certainly free to leave as I please. What I'm scared of is if I try to fight for my child she'll win anyways because she'll use my mental health to her advantage... someone asked me what I want people to understand, and I honestly don't know. I guess I want people to understand how I feel... I've tried venting to people about this kind of stuff before and all they say is "well stop lookin at everything in a negative way!" Like just stuff like that...

I've noticed it's hard for people to understand when they haven't experienced it themselves. It isn't like there's a switch you can just shut off. If only it were that easy.
Sometimes people act negatively because they just can't understand. Your mom might be afraid for your child and want to protect him/her, some grandparents try to do that. The mind is a tricky thing, and she probably believes she's doing what is in the child's best interests (whether that's true or not.)
If there's a way to fight for your child back, I'd suggest doing it. Being depressed is no reason to remove a child from the parent so long as the parent takes care of the child's needs. As long as it isn't hindering your capability to care for your child, there is no reason he or she shouldn't be in your care. Most of the time a judge does not want to remove a child from the parents' care if he or she doesn't have to anyways.

 

[Letmego. Please]

I am certainly free to leave as I please. What I'm scared of is if I try to fight for my child she'll win anyways because she'll use my mental health to her advantage... someone asked me what I want people to understand, and I honestly don't know. I guess I want people to understand how I feel... I've tried venting to people about this kind of stuff before and all they say is "well stop lookin at everything in a negative way!" Like just stuff like that...

I am not sure where in the world you are, but do you get any support from anyone for your depression? which is understandable given the way your family treats you. They say you are 'retarded' but you don't sound it from what & how you have written it, were you placed in any 'special' classes at school, did they want you tested for any developmental delay? If you answer yes to any of that it doesn't mean you are retarded, i would have to answer yes & im not.

I guess what I'm getting at, in my usual halfarsed way is if you have support for your Mental health problems, they in turn can help & support you to fight for your child, and it won't just be a manipulative mother trying to control you and your life. You both (you & your child) deserve a chance to show them wrong & prove you can be a great mother.

 

[r0se710]

I am not sure where in the world you are, but do you get any support from anyone for your depression? which is understandable given the way your family treats you. They say you are 'retarded' but you don't sound it from what & how you have written it, were you placed in any 'special' classes at school, did they want you tested for any developmental delay? If you answer yes to any of that it doesn't mean you are retarded, i would have to answer yes & im not.

I guess what I'm getting at, in my usual halfarsed way is if you have support for your Mental health problems, they in turn can help & support you to fight for your child, and it won't just be a manipulative mother trying to control you and your life. You both (you & your child) deserve a chance to show them wrong & prove you can be a great mother.

I sadly do not have any support. Anyone I've ever tried to go to with my depression all i ever heard was "well stop thinking so negatively and just be happy!"

 

[Letmego. Please]

I sadly do not have any support. Anyone I've ever tried to go to with my depression all i ever heard was "well stop thinking so negatively and just be happy!"

So sorry my brain has been elsewhere & it has taken me so long to reply. That's crap, if you are depressed then no amount of thinking positively or trying to be happy will do anything but make you feel worse for being unable to achieve those things through no fault of your own, but neither the less you end up feeling like you must be a failure & hence end up here. That's just wrong.

I know healthcare differs in usefulness, available access & interest in mental health around the world so without an idea of even what hemisphere you reside in it's difficult to offer useful advice on how to get a Dr to listen & take you seriously, but i am happy to help either here or via Pm to see if there is a way to find you someone who will listen.

 

[GeorgeJL]

i really cant stand to be alive anymore but I'm too coward to kill myself. What do I do...

What have you tried to fix your depression already? Because for many people just getting on some medication can fix it.