VINDICTIVEVEGETABLE
New Member
- Oct 3, 2022
- 3
Hiya all,
I guess im new here and i just wanted to vent in the hopes it would make me feel better, even if its just for a moment.
The reason im even entertaining the idea of inflicting harm on my self is because purely of chance. You know its almost like life is one big slot machine, we are pulled from perpetual non-existence involantarily and to have any shot of happiness you just have to cross your fingers and hope your not born with any major debilitating disability and even if you win the gene lottery,due to factors out of your control your enviroment may be toxic, your parents, due to their own shortcomings will never be what you need them to be,almost like you were purely concieved by your parents out of spite because if they have to ride the misery carousel so do you,just creating a peptual cycle of dissatisfaction. The allure of death,at least for me was always systemic from the fact that it put everything into perspective,the thought that no matter how much i fuck up today i could always just end my stream of consciousness at any time,it was comforting. The reason i am ending my life isnt because circumstances have changed though,in fact its because of my inability to change. Everyday i wake up and i dread,dread that ill have to justify another day of living to my clearly deficient brain,no matter how many excuses i make to it,it knows them to be logical fallicies, most days i dont even bother to leave my slowly collapsing house,i just lie there hoping the next time i fall asleep,i wont even wake up,the hours fade into days,and the mundanity wears at my faculties like a knife being sharpened on a whetstone,god i dont even know if i have the energy to kill myself, maybe ill just lie here,hope that dehydration fucking takes me.
in short this game called life sucks cock and i long for non-existence.
Thanks for listening to me ramble It means alot.
Proof reading this post has made me realise that the shit i said about disability may have come off as insensitive,just wanna clarify if you are disabled mentally or physically you are not inherently inferior, you have every right to be as happy as anyone else,we are all just products of circumstance if you can somehow maintain a positive attitude in spite of everything, you are a stronger person than myself, i know rationally that i could be happy if i just put in the leg work,its just a shame that im plagued with a neurochemical imbalance that eats me fom the inside out.
I guess im new here and i just wanted to vent in the hopes it would make me feel better, even if its just for a moment.
The reason im even entertaining the idea of inflicting harm on my self is because purely of chance. You know its almost like life is one big slot machine, we are pulled from perpetual non-existence involantarily and to have any shot of happiness you just have to cross your fingers and hope your not born with any major debilitating disability and even if you win the gene lottery,due to factors out of your control your enviroment may be toxic, your parents, due to their own shortcomings will never be what you need them to be,almost like you were purely concieved by your parents out of spite because if they have to ride the misery carousel so do you,just creating a peptual cycle of dissatisfaction. The allure of death,at least for me was always systemic from the fact that it put everything into perspective,the thought that no matter how much i fuck up today i could always just end my stream of consciousness at any time,it was comforting. The reason i am ending my life isnt because circumstances have changed though,in fact its because of my inability to change. Everyday i wake up and i dread,dread that ill have to justify another day of living to my clearly deficient brain,no matter how many excuses i make to it,it knows them to be logical fallicies, most days i dont even bother to leave my slowly collapsing house,i just lie there hoping the next time i fall asleep,i wont even wake up,the hours fade into days,and the mundanity wears at my faculties like a knife being sharpened on a whetstone,god i dont even know if i have the energy to kill myself, maybe ill just lie here,hope that dehydration fucking takes me.
in short this game called life sucks cock and i long for non-existence.
Thanks for listening to me ramble It means alot.
Proof reading this post has made me realise that the shit i said about disability may have come off as insensitive,just wanna clarify if you are disabled mentally or physically you are not inherently inferior, you have every right to be as happy as anyone else,we are all just products of circumstance if you can somehow maintain a positive attitude in spite of everything, you are a stronger person than myself, i know rationally that i could be happy if i just put in the leg work,its just a shame that im plagued with a neurochemical imbalance that eats me fom the inside out.
