Story Hi Everyone

[KiloCharlieBravo]

This is my first post. I am new to this site but have been reading through some threads the past few days. Before finding the PPH, I attempted to CTB a few times (I realize now that there was no chance of me succeeding with the little knowledge I had).

1. Overdose on clonazepam (I just passed out and woke up a few hours later feeling very well rested - it was actually very nice, but obviously didn't do the job).
2. Overdose on clonazepam, tramadol and a lot of alcohol (I figured mixing it with alcohol was what I was missing previously).
3. I tried to cut my femoral artery. It was much more difficult than I thought and I ended up chickening out. I now have a nice 3cm long and 1cm wide raised scar.
4. Partial suspension. I got the sweet spot on my first try and panicked when my vision started darkening and I was seeing stars. Then when I tried again later I could not get it right again. It also hurt and I had a sore throat for a week after that.

I have now educated myself a bit and I have access to both SN and Nitrogen. I am leaning towards using an exit bag. I am not going to attempt again until I am 100% sure that I will succeed.

Is there any way to combine SN and Nitrogen? I would like to pass out quickly before the SN makes me nauseas. I am worried with the exit bag alone that I will somehow rip the bag off or somehow oxygen will find its way in after I have passed out. With SN, I am scared of the nausea and possible pain, also scared I will call someone for help.

I am just so lonely in this world and at the moment I am just going through the motions. I feel its unfair that I am forced to continue living when life is mostly just suffering. I just wish the was an on and off switch to life.

I am married but I do not have any friends and my husband is a very unemotional and critical person. I feel totally socially isolated and have no one in my life to talk to about how I feel.

My brother CTB by hanging (full suspension) and I do not have any close relation with anyone in my family.

I am just a sad person all round.

 

[S like Siren]

Hey welcome!!I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you will find the information you need here.I feel you.....i'm sad and lonely too

 

[whywere]

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!! It is so nice having YOU as a global family member!!!!!! Everyone here is the finest bunch of folks one could ever hope to find. The global family has so much love, caring, kindness, empathy and SUPPORT that it is just wonderful to experience and to know that one is loved and supported here. Again...WELCOME!! NOW onto the second part here, my heart broke in pieces when I read your post. You have so much to give this world AND everyone here! One can tell that by how you wrote your post. you have come to the right place for love and support. No matter ones path in life, the global family stands ready to love and support! My wish for you is a relaxing day in the bright blue sunny skies. All my love, caring and SUPPORT goes to you, our new global family member!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know how much life can suck and what being lonely and alone really is.

However, you've joined a lovely community which will really support you and help you so, you won't be alone here.

Welcome to SS!!! :)

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[KiloCharlieBravo]

I am glad to have found and joined this community.

HELLO and WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!! It is so nice having YOU as a global family member!!!!!! Everyone here is the finest bunch of folks one could ever hope to find. The global family has so much love, caring, kindness, empathy and SUPPORT that it is just wonderful to experience and to know that one is loved and supported here. Again...WELCOME!! NOW onto the second part here, my heart broke in pieces when I read your post. You have so much to give this world AND everyone here! One can tell that by how you wrote your post. you have come to the right place for love and support. No matter ones path in life, the global family stands ready to love and support! My wish for you is a relaxing day in the bright blue sunny skies. All my love, caring and SUPPORT goes to you, our new global family member!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

Thank you Walter - your message is so lovely, thank you for taking the time to write it.

Hey welcome!!I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you will find the information you need here.I feel you.....i'm sad and lonely too

Thank you. Yes, this world is just not a very nice place sometimes - so many sad and lonely people out there.

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know how much life can suck and what being lonely and alone really is.

However, you've joined a lovely community which will really support you and help you so, you won't be alone here.

Welcome to SS!!! :)

Hugs and love,

Matt

Thanks Matt for the warm welcome. From the bit of reading I have done, I have seen nothing but supportive people here on SS.

 

[Trojan]

I know it sounds counterproductive, but you can find support and a kind of sense of peace on this site dedicated to discussions of suicide. Welcome.

 

[FuneralCry]

Welcome to the forum. I wish you the best. I am sorry you have been struggling so much, it really is hard to die. Nobody deserves to suffer in this world so I hope you get what you want. I can relate to how you are feeling, I would love to just die in my sleep.