How can I be happy by myself?

[Davey40210]

Some people just seem to be happy by themselves. I met a girl on Friday that I really liked, and she said she has been single for 5 years and just loves herself and being with herself. If she doesn't find a partner that is fine.

I have big problems being by myself. I thought it was because I am extraverted but now I broke up with my gf I feel like I have nothing to live for and want to CTB.

I don't understand how people can just be alone and satisfied with that.

Perhaps it's because I hate myself subconsciously or something. And maybe being alone and learning to love myself is the way to recovery. But I really just want to end it.

 

[WithTheFlow]

I have no clue. Perhaps you'll be happy being alone if you know that you have a choice in the matter.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Humans are social creatures so there will usually always be an urge to connect with others. Being happy alone is a very "your mileage may vary" type of situation, and some people find it easy while others find that it's not feasible.

What I've found is that it's a matter of seeing relationships as just one aspect of your life, and picking up the slack in other parts of your life. Essentially, this means having hobbies. It also means going outside more and having at least some social interactions, even just with cashiers or servers in restaurants.

Admittedly, a big part of it is also not doomscrolling. Seeing the positive moments in everyone's lives all at once can give you a very skewed view of reality.

 

[Davey40210]

Humans are social creatures so there will usually always be an urge to connect with others. Being happy alone is a very "your mileage may vary" type of situation, and some people find it easy while others find that it's not feasible.

What I've found is that it's a matter of seeing relationships as just one aspect of your life, and picking up the slack in other parts of your life. Essentially, this means having hobbies. It also means going outside more and having at least some social interactions, even just with cashiers or servers in restaurants.

Admittedly, a big part of it is also not doomscrolling. Seeing the positive moments in everyone's lives all at once can give you a very skewed view of reality.

Thank you, I appreciate your post.

 

[Scythe]

It's not really something that bothers me, I can get by on low human interaction, and I might be okay with none if I have animals but I don't know for sure.
I think a big factor is that I hate talking to most humans, so I've adapted to be okay with as little human interaction as possible.

 

[Davey40210]

It's not really something that bothers me, I can get by on low human interaction, and I might be okay with none if I have animals but I don't know for sure.
I think a big factor is that I hate talking to most humans, so I've adapted to be okay with as little human interaction as possible.

Interesting. But I wonder if that really makes you happy. If it does that is quite nice for you.

For me, I just seem to crave human interaction. I wonder if it goes beyond just being extravert and I get some additional validation or something out of it.

 

[Gangrel]

Embrace solitude. Learn to enjoy your own company. Use this time to reflect, recharge, and discover more about yourself.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Personally, I think that it's due to neurotype and that those who like being alone have a different neurotype to the majority. People say that humans are social creatures but never include the fact that it tends to mainly apply to neurotypical people and that there are outliers

 

[Wlfgrl]

For me, I can't really say I don't talk to a lot of people, but I enjoy free time with myself very much. I'll watch and play new things or even rarely try to challenge myself with new hobbies, studies or interests. Having hobbies is probably the best option. Besides staying indoors I like to go walking at different parks or going out to window shop sometimes at bookstores and nerdy stores

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometines it's because being around others can make you feel worse! Memories of unpleasant social situations can make you want to avoid people all together.

I've always been single. Live alone and work alone. The last time I was around anyone for any meaningful length of time was 8 months ago.

A friend once summarized it that some people need to be around others to recharge their batteries while others need to be alone to recuperate.

I tend to rely heavily on distraction. Music, films, podcasts, YouTube. Most of the time, I have something on in the background to get lost in.

 

[Rust]

Perhaps it's because I hate myself subconsciously or something.

I prefer to be alone and likely hate myself subconsciously.

I think in some ways, it's better to want to be around others. Being alone is addictive and if you're idle, it can lead to some self destructive tendencies.

It might be naïve of me to say, but maybe striving to be alone isn't a good thing, especially if it goes against your instincts.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

Humans are social creatures so there will usually always be an urge to connect with others. Being happy alone is a very "your mileage may vary" type of situation, and some people find it easy while others find that it's not feasible.

I have no clue. Perhaps you'll be happy being alone if you know that you have a choice in the matter.

Yeah believe it or not some people are happy by themselves by their own choice, there are many cases and the plethora of that many people lying you'd need it to be a mass-conspiracy. Humans are not "hard-wired" (this word has lost its meaning, btw) to be social. There've been plentiful solitary or even reclusive people since our very origin, usually as large collectives and not as very rare cases.

To answer the question: get hobbies. I've seen too many people meeting just because they have no one else to do, and when plans fail they have nothing. This is specially a problem if you have no friends, feeling having nothing to do as also loneliness. You need to get something you like.

Here's where nihilism fails: you need a purpose. You cannot fill your void with other person. They won't be there forever. You need a plan B. Anything you can dedicate to, not mere distractions. You're building part of your life here. You don't want to "just pass time", you want to be nourished by it. Without goals you're done and friends & lovers can't patch that for you. Do you like something, aspire to something, or really believe in a cause? Are you saying me you're OK with everything as it is and you don't want to do anything? Not a project you had, not an issue on Earth, nothing at all? That's a bigger problem than loneliness, lol.

Over time, the more you are into them you realize you're missing time to do them, usually robbed by people. Use what can only be obtained in solitude to your advantage: what you have too much of? Self-going people have something in common: we're fulfilled. They have something in their life they can dedicate their time to, and it's so good you don't need to share it, because you're the most important thing.

 

[Davey40210]

Yeah believe it or not some people are happy by themselves by their own choice, there are many cases and the plethora of that many people lying you'd need it to be a mass-conspiracy. Humans are not "hard-wired" (this word has lost its meaning, btw) to be social. There've been plentiful solitary or even reclusive people since our very origin, usually as large collectives and not as very rare cases.

To answer the question: get hobbies. I've seen too many people meeting just because they have no one else to do, and when plans fail they have nothing. This is specially a problem if you have no friends, feeling having nothing to do as also loneliness. You need to get something you like.

Here's where nihilism fails: you need a purpose. You cannot fill your void with other person. They won't be there forever. You need a plan B. Anything you can dedicate to, not mere distractions. You're building part of your life here. You don't want to "just pass time", you want to be nourished by it. Without goals you're done and friends & lovers can't patch that for you. Do you like something, aspire to something, or really believe in a cause? Are you saying me you're OK with everything as it is and you don't want to do anything? Not a project you had, not an issue on Earth, nothing at all? That's a bigger problem than loneliness, lol.

Over time, the more you are into them you realize you're missing time to do them, usually robbed by people. Use what can only be obtained in solitude to your advantage: what you have too much of? Self-going people have something in common: we're fulfilled. They have something in their life they can dedicate their time to, and it's so good you don't need to share it, because you're the most important thing.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I should probably find some purpose in my life.. I guess I thought it would be my wife and family and I wouldn't know what else to focus on..