Discussion How did you view suicide BEFORE you were suicidal? #14

[MeltingBrain]

I never really thought about it much, but anytime I heard of someone killing themeselves (in my own personal life or in the media) is always felt really sad (I still do but I have a different perspective now). I always viewed, and still view, life as a beautiful precious gift that should be cherished. But whenever I'd see stories of people that got into horrible accidents, or had terrible medical conditions, or just had really horrible lives, I always wondered why didn't they just kill themselves, I sure would if I was in their position. And now, funny enough, I am in that position. I got a bad diagnosis and I realized that my life would never worth living (to me), and now I'm ready to ctb. Life is funny that way, I never in my wildest dreams expected it to got this way.

It's as if this was written by me .

 

[offtoseethewizard]

I didn't really think about it a whole lot, nor try to understand it honestly. But I definitely assumed it would never be something that I would ever consider. It seemed mystifying.

 

[MeltingBrain]

. But I definitely assumed it would never be something that I would ever consider. It seemed mystifying.

Me too . exactly the same .

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I'm part of the majority. I never gave the s-word much of a thought until depression, stress and anxiety came knocking on my door.

As a child, I was fascinated by the supernatural. When I was eleven years old, I was introduced to the idea of suicide from a paranormal documentary TV series. The very first episode I watched—the memory of which is still vivid to me today—featured the stereotypical example of a Spiteful Suicide. That of a scorned wife who returned from the grave to wreak vengeance on her unfaithful husband, his mistress, and their young son.

Malicious intent aside, I also became aware that suicide may be used as a means of escape from negative life events and unfavourable circumstances. However, even though I was intrigued at that time, such interest was quelled by the prospect of hellish punishments in the afterlife. Hell is, in my father's own perversion of religious doctrine, "too good" for the suicide.

With that being said, such thoughts would remain within the deep recesses of my mind. That is, until I faced my first real challenge in the form of my Final Year Project in Polytechnic.

 

[Done_Surviving]

I grew up with a lot of catholic indoctrination, but I began to have suicidal idiations since I was 8. I always thought that it was unfair that God placed us on this life to "learn from the suffering" and thought that since we didn't have a chioce on being born, we should at least chose if we want to be here or not. A couple of years ago my sister called me "A fucking suicidal that will burn in hell" and not only did it hurt because well she is my sister, but it also angers me that "suicide is the ultimate sin because you are giving away the presious gift of life" when things like murders and rapes happen and all of them religious people say we should just forgive them.

 

[lamy2006]

i don't remember not being suicidal.

 

[whatcouldofbeen]

other,

i held the ignorant boomer views,

suicide is pussy shit, toughen up etc etc

it could always get better you dont know what will happen to give you something to live for etc etc

but i was always pro-choice (being american RAAAA) you should be able to do whatever you want to your body...

but my strongest view was always the view that suicide is for worthless people that failed natural selection (Darwin award!) and that it was the trash taking itself out. but my view has changed since im on the other side of the line now, i guess now i think that people get unlucky in this uncaring universe and that suffering is subjective to each indiviual. I suppose i still hold the view that suicide is soemthing to be really thought out reasonably and checked over by a neutral party with no skin in the game but that poses so many catch-22 barriers

 

[Namelesa]

I didn't know what suicide even was before I was suicidal. Tho if I knew about it before being suicidal I would still probably be pro-choice as I saw life as something you owned and can do what you want with it as long as you are not intentionally harming others. I have never viewed suicide as something bad and is a valid option in life if you can't deal with or not a fan of life.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

It never really concerned me that much before this year. I've had suicidal thoughts at different points, but only this year got consumed by it. Before it didn't really bother me when someone ctb. It was just what the person chose, sad but their choice and what they thought was the best thing to do. I was pro-choice but kind of ignorant and didn't really attach much value to life I guess.

Ironically, after becoming actively suicidal, I appreciate not only the depth of the darkness we as humans can face, but also the reality of life and our mortality. I have a lot more respect, compassion and empathy for others enduring what they have to in life and for those who find that ctb is their only option.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

I voted 'other' as I think I first started to feel suicidal when I was first aware of what the word actually meant. I have a diary entry from when I was 9 years old saying that I wanted to commit suicide. It makes me so sad when I read it as I was so young that I couldn't spell 'commit' properly.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I voted 'other' as I think I first started to feel suicidal when I was first aware of what the word actually meant. I have a diary entry from when I was 9 years old saying that I wanted to commit suicide. It makes me so sad when I read it as I was so young that I couldn't spell 'commit' properly

If you dont mind me asking, What made you suicidal at 9 years of age ?

 

[SA1994EC]

Since I grew up in an abusive dysfunctional family, I was suicidal by default even when I was small. So, I can't tell my idea on suicide before that.
What surprised me was my mother looked so astonished and horrified when my sister mentioned suicide. My mother, who was the major cause of the problems, had no idea how we were feeling. That was about when I was 9. Later when I became in teens, I came to know suicide is not everyone's mind, which was also a surprise to me.
Those are old days, which only exist in my mind.

 

[Darkover]

i remember hearing about someone jumping off a bridge on tv killing themselves i remember thinking to myself i would never kill my self because i was young and naive then life happened now i am support for everyone to have the right to a peaceful death

 

[MeltingBrain]

i remember hearing about someone jumping off a bridge on tv killing themselves i remember thinking to myself i would never kill my self because i was young and naive then life happened now i am support for everyone to have the right to a peaceful death

I can relate, I always thought "I will never be that guy" now I am that guy . lol

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't recall what not being suicidal is like