As of now it's the thought that it will all be over soon.
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Shinji is a failure
Member
- Nov 30, 2018
- 8
Distractions help a lot of the time, at least in the short term. I've yet to find a long term answer to that though.
Music. Online Chess. Fantasizing about/researching ctb. Observing squirrels/birds from my window. Reading. Sleep. Pot. youtube, podcasts (the mental illness happy hour podcast - is a great one!) The knowledge I can exit whenever, peacefully. Honestly, I deeply believe in reincarnation, so that's keeping me in this body cause maybe I can still figure out a way through, so I don't have to return... Plus...I came here to be of service to others, with a mission of sorts...though it seems people aren't / won't be receptive to what I have to offer...I feel it's just not quite yet the time to go...also...John Frusciante's music, has helped me through and I'd miss his music tremendously. I do hope to leave ASAP tho!! I have analysis paralysis as to the method also, just can't decide!! Each has pros/cons.
The distractions are running out though...it's ridiculous to have to 'work' each day towards sustaining life when I have like a 1% hope of recovering from suicidality.
It's like when a relationship ends, it ends internally (at least for me) before it plays itself out. My life feels like it officially ended a year ago, and I've been denying and bargaining to get it back, but, it's not returning...it did for a few months, the actual will to live...only for me to be thoroughly and completely devastated when the realization of my impending end relentlessly bombarded my brain with signals to die.
I don't post, ever, but my time to do so is running out, so I'm stuffing my perfectionism and embarassment and posting.
The distractions are running out though...it's ridiculous to have to 'work' each day towards sustaining life when I have like a 1% hope of recovering from suicidality.
It's like when a relationship ends, it ends internally (at least for me) before it plays itself out. My life feels like it officially ended a year ago, and I've been denying and bargaining to get it back, but, it's not returning...it did for a few months, the actual will to live...only for me to be thoroughly and completely devastated when the realization of my impending end relentlessly bombarded my brain with signals to die.
I don't post, ever, but my time to do so is running out, so I'm stuffing my perfectionism and embarassment and posting.
Music, friends, and knowing that I can end it whenever I want
Staring at emptiness , watching youtube videos , imaginary friends
recently my mind , body is too fatigue , don't have the energy to summon imaginary friends
as the end is getting close..
recently my mind , body is too fatigue , don't have the energy to summon imaginary friends
as the end is getting close..
Netflix interspersed with visits to ss and meltdowns.
All I'm good for is NCIS --ye gods, what a horrible show. I'd give almost anything to have the focus to read more than a paragraph at a time.
Watch an episode, check ss, watch an episode, collapse sobbing, watch an episode... Rinse, repeat, until it's time to go lie in bed and have nightmares.
All I'm good for is NCIS --ye gods, what a horrible show. I'd give almost anything to have the focus to read more than a paragraph at a time.
Watch an episode, check ss, watch an episode, collapse sobbing, watch an episode... Rinse, repeat, until it's time to go lie in bed and have nightmares.
i used to watch NCIS LA , after a while i can't watch it anymore , currently i have a very short of focus or attentions
can't watch anything that are too long.
I have collapsed from real movies to drek like NCIS. I suspect the worst is yet to come.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
it helps but doesn't fix it.
I cope with sex, alcohol, money, and
caffeine.
I cope with sex, alcohol, money, and
caffeine.
EndofMyRope
Student
- Oct 17, 2018
- 174
I think I've seen every NCIS episode out there. Lol
Smashingairwaves
misery factory
- Nov 15, 2018
- 193
I don't cope, that's why I'm here
Your literally living my life :/ ugh hugs
I just finished criminal minds binge.
I don't. I've been really feeling 'it' lately.
Help_Me
Gene pool mistake
- Oct 21, 2018
- 516
Distracting myself (and others) with job and illusional life goals I am not going to complete anyway.
moi je joue à beaucoup de jeux vidéo et j'essaie de sortir de chez moi pour essayer de faire du sport parce que j'aime la piscine et j'essaye de consacrer ah ma reconversion professionnelle mais la force de defois n'est pas si difficile et je pense ah ah ctb
Jiva
I want ...
- Nov 18, 2018
- 493
Meanwhile the life is easiest, than overcome the survival instinct. Although i don't want live.
[QUOTE = "Jiva, post: 149972, member: 4043"] En attendant, la vie est plus facile que vaincre l'instinct de survie. Bien que je ne veuille pas vivre. [/ QUOTE]
I'm in the same situation as you
I'm in the same situation as you
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Mate I hear you! I do the same - it's such a relief when the end of the day comes and I can go to sleep. Although I have sad dreams nearly every night, they are marginally less painful than my waking life so it's still a little break
Drugs work wife. But ready to kms at moments notice
Trashcan
Trash
- Aug 31, 2018
- 1,234
I just do things I have to do and try to find little things I also enjoy doing.
My hobbies keep me sane. Sadly, I barely have time to focus on the stuff I enjoy because I come home tired and worn out due to work, school, and the constant thoughts about the dreaded future.
I take an SSRI, listen to music constantly, especially when working, and try to not care about my future. Also I smoke like chimney, anyone else does this? I find it calms me down, and keeps the thoughts and urges away.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
what kind of smoke?
Tobacco
Video games and working out but i don't cope. Last week i played spyro reignited so i'm a 29 year old man collecting gems with a purple dragon in my spare time lol how pathetic is that.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
I've considered smoking cigs. What brand do you smoke?
I smoke rolling tobacco, choice brand. Dont really like normal cigs.
BlackDragonof1989
Mage
- Jul 12, 2018
- 526
*giggles* Dxm, overeating, occasionally a cigarette, chicken strips, occasional orgasm, spiritual research, mental power games, all the push pull, having a good bowel movement, but that's about it, oh and nice drives with old songs <3 Trying not to pee on myself. Going to ask about mental hospitals without intending to go to one xD Having diarrhea <3
Reality is so boring. I have been addicted to video games most of my life but they no longer do anything for me. Reality is shit because I feel like I cannot be myself anywhere. It feels like I wear a mask every day which is very draining. None of us have any real power or control. Just illusion of control. So when you realize that life becomes even worse lol.
