Help How Do You Cope Until CTB?

[tears and vomit]

I'm going through the worst time of my life right now, and it hurts more than I can put into words. Last year I suffered a lot (I even attempted once), but honestly, nothing compares to how I feel now. I constantly feel sick, like I want to throw up. Alcohol doesn't help anymore, and getting a diagnosis to access medication that might numb the pain feels impossible.


I'm completely alone. I don't have anyone to talk to or confide in. Whenever I try to open up to my parents, it always backfires. They're already struggling financially and mentally, and my words just seem to make them angry or more stressed.


It honestly feels like I'm dying already, yet I'm still expected to study and keep up with everything. But for what? There's a huge chance none of this effort will take me anywhere. I can't even move sometimes because the weight of it all is crushing me.


So, I need to ask: how do you cope with life between now and the time when you eventually CTB? I can't do it anytime soon, but I don't know how to keep living like this until then.

 

[amerie]

When do you plan on attempting again? Are there things you want to do before you ?

Harm reduction is perfectly valid. For the vomiting and the nausea, try to find a stomach medication that's OTC like pepto bismol or TUMS of your countries equivalent to temporarily hault it. You technically should get anxiety meds but since you mentioned financial issues then that should be your best bet.

For your studies, try to find an assisted study guide like Quizlet or study with someone so that you can lessen the workload, although you're depressed if you neglect it because of your mental health it could lead to a lot of consequences that'll make you more suicidal. Try to push through and chug coffee maybe.

And for hygiene and other stuff, try and just take a water only shower and use dry shampoo. Prioritize your genitals and armpits because those gather the most odor. Use breath mints and mouth wash to hide the smell of bad breath.

Good luck.

 

[Lambybahhhhhh]

I've been feeling this way too. I despise college and the thought that I have other responsibilities to keep up with because really even if it's pathetic i don't wanna do anything at all.

A "solution" to this at least for me is having a clear plan to ctb, or at least have your materials for it available. It makes me feel lighter somewhat, because I know i'll be gone soon and I won't have to deal with anything anymore. Though it's kinda temporary since I'm still looking for a clear plan. I'm sorry you're going through this as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I really understand finding it so torturous and dreadful to exist and I will personally suffer until I'm finally at peace in non-existence which is all I wish and hope for, I'd never wish to be burdened with this cruel, painful and deeply undesirable existence.

 

[HereUntilApril]

For me, I just kind of go through life knowing it will end soon. I still do stuff like work and go out with friends, but I just coast with it. I'm just tired of having to keep up with life and all its problems. I also cope by believing in reincarnation. I know that it probably doesn't exist, but it makes me feel at ease if there's a chance we all will have another chance at life at some point again after we die. I still am a bit scared of death and the pain I will cause to my loved ones, but I feel like I have nowhere else to go.

 

[dogwolfybark]

I'm going through the same thing. It's going to be a long while till I get everything I need, and It's *painful* .
But what helps me personally Is I think about, that It's going to be over. I've lived through pain my entire life, what's a few more weeks or a month or so.
And it comforts me, It makes me happy. I wont have to exist and the pain will be all over soon. But sometimes it is rough. I feel you.
I hope you can cope until then.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Honestly, I find dissociation really helpful. I can trigger dissociation in myself by thinking thoughts like "none of this is real," "I'm actually dead and a ghost," "life is a simulation," etc. I have no idea if that works for anyone else.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I think if I had certainty around a method and assurance that the materials would arrive and that the actual act would go off without a hitch, I would be able to cope a lot better. But I guess I'll be anxious until the end because the US would rather deny people healthcare and traumatize them with the care that does exist than just offer them a peaceful death. Because God forbid we allow people to leave this world when they want to.

But I've just been trying to keep myself distracted. If all else fails and the materials never arrive or are faulty, there's always a bridge 1000ft high near me...

 

[Archness]

I just dissociate from reality & hide in my room all day. I'm distracted enough to not fall into being really actively suicidal, as long as I have my relative peace.

It doesn't really solve anything or push back all this darkness eating at me. It's just postponing the inevitable, really. Sometimes, I kinda look forward to when I can't NEETMAXx anymore. Then something would have to happen, I could actually ctb or get up to something crazy, at least that's what I think, ideally. You know it's bad when ideally you self-destruct in a cranial supernova.

Perhapse the entire idea of cope is just postponing a difficult decision, actually fixing your life or ctb. Maybe you shouldn't be asking how to just cope but how to get anything done, for whatever you want. But I'm one to talk as someone who stays home all day ha-ha.