How do you feel right now?

[PinballWizard39]

Risky. I've been feeling more suicidal today. I stored the SN, protocol, meto, painkillers etc all in a lockable cash tin. I even got it out and held it all in my hands thinking that it would just be so easy..
I recorded a video on my laptop in case I go ahead with it and people want to know why I did what I did. I've just taken some meto and a sleeping pill and I'm kinda hoping once the sedated feeling starts kicking in, maybe I'll have to guts to down it. I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel of life that has no fucking end. I'll probably just fucking fall asleep and wake up hating myself all over again tomorrow.

My depression is zapping all my energy. Even going back to work half days is taking it out of me. I went blackberry picking today but nearly collapsed on my way home due to utter exhaustion. I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe my body senses it'll be shutting down for good soon.

 

[hu3]

I feel okay, I am fine and hopeful.

I'm still at danger of suicide but I feel safer. I feel like I have myself. When the world is mean I can just return to my hobbies, interests and my room.
Im safe with myself.
I still wish for someone else - but I'm young and I don't need that right now.
I'll be okay in the end. Dead or alive, it all ends the same, in the same death with the same beating heart.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Sad and nervous.

Nervous about the semester starting tomorrow, though I do know that's temporary and will ease up as I get in the groove of things.

Sad because I just finished watching Avatar TLOK, and I have what I've labeled post-avatar syndrome. I sometimes wish to escape this reality and go to a much different one. Nothing has made me as sad or as full of yearn as ATLA or TLOK, though.

 

[Ash]

My dog likes it when I can't sleep as she gets to sleep while I cuddle her. Can't say I blame her.

 

[juna]

Trying to sleep, unable to fall asleep though,so just scrolling sasu.

 

[atdusk]

Very calm inside. I am not suffering, not anguished. My feelings are very subtle. Anger, shame but also connection with others. I would like them to be more intense.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Suffering even more than yesterday as the new semester has now started

 

[creirwy]

I don't even know anymore. I feel completely detached from myself and only when emotions get really strong and my body is sore I realize.

 

[Ash]

I actually slept properly for the first time in I don't know how long but that's not made anything easier to cope with, just means I can't do what the dog did as doing as she realised it's pouring with rain and make a duvet nest and go back to sleep.

 

[atdusk]

I don't feel I am predetermined to kill myself because I've done what I should have done early on, which was talk to my most beloved friend.

I "broke" with him eight years ago and the pain was dragging me to death. Fortunately he accepted my explanation - I had rational and emotional reasons to do what I did - and he agrees to meet from time to time.

Now I am left with lots of problems that may as well get me to the point of killing myself, but it would be circumstantial. I don't feel I am predetermined to that as before.

Consequently I'll probably leave the forum now. I hope you don't give up, and neither me.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I feel numb, struggling with everything, this past week has been one of the hardest of my life.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I have a job interview today and can't sleep.
I don't know what to do.
Among wolves I'm a lost sheep -
Then I realized - God, I need you.

For my sins I'm so sorry.
As a consequence I live in worry.
Please save me from this quagmire -
The Almighty whom I admire.

 

[Cavalcade]

Riding the dialectical between being understanding of why suicidality is a difficult topic for some people in my life, and being furious that even when I do them the courtesy of seeking support elsewhere because its such a reviled taboo that they'd rather I shut up about it or kill myself quietly, it's still insufficient if they can't pretend that the problem doesn't exist, and even my joy about finding an understanding space (or as someone else once put it 'framed in the mindset of recovery') is still too repulsive. Joy is such a scarce thing. I'm trying to treasure it, while also grappling with my resentful anger that's sparked up at the reaction to its discovery.

 

[JaJu]

I have a job interview today and can't sleep.
I don't know what to do.

I hope your job interview went well.

I just had one last Wednesday and I thought I nailed it, but thinking about it now I don't think I actually did.. maybe I was overconfident. Oh well, I don't think that job would have worked out for me anyway.

I guess it won't kill me to continue working in retail for a little longer..

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I hope your job interview went well.

Thank you, I think I did well in the interview but I'm often guilty of overconfidence as well.
They'll let me know the results 3 weeks later and I have several interviews from other companies.

I just had one last Wednesday and I thought I nailed it, but thinking about it now I don't think I actually did.. maybe I was overconfident. Oh well, I don't think that job would have worked out for me anyway.

I guess it won't kill me to continue working in retail for a little longer..

I'm sorry to hear that. In my case I've been verbally abused ("totally useless," "you're such trash" and "you're a war criminal" lol) for 5 years by my current boss (the owner of a small business I work for) and it can drive me insane (but I don't think it can kill me) so I really need a new job.

I hope your job hunting works out

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I hope your job interview went well.

I just had one last Wednesday and I thought I nailed it, but thinking about it now I don't think I actually did.. maybe I was overconfident. Oh well, I don't think that job would have worked out for me anyway.

I guess it won't kill me to continue working in retail for a little longer..

Thank you, I think I did well in the interview but I'm often guilty of overconfidence as well.
They'll let me know the results 3 weeks later and I have several interviews from other companies.


I'm sorry to hear that. In my case I've been verbally abused ("totally useless," "you're such trash" and "you're a war criminal" lol) for 5 years by my current boss (the owner of a small business I work for) and it can drive me insane (but I don't think it can kill me) so I really need a new job.

I hope your job hunting works out

I wish you two both the best, the job market right now can be brutal for anyone, so I hope you both get something amazing!

 

[Life]

I'm fustrated at the world, I am going to college because I have to, I think I failed 2 classes this semester because I'm a retard, I don't know what I'll do next.

 

[tera645]

Bad

 

[iloveloving]

Heartbroken.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Pretty good. I'm sitting at work thinking about the shopping list for the new year. We have prepared for Christmas as well, although we have not bought traditional decorations or food for it. Some aditional lights and flowers will probably do.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm fustrated at the world, I am going to college because I have to, I think I failed 2 classes this semester because I'm a retard, I don't know what I'll do next.

2 classes isn't that huge of a deal, and who knows. I am assuming you haven't gotten final grades back yet, so I also assume there's a chance you passed? Also, why do you have to go to college, if I may ask? It sometimes might not be the best for everyone.

 

[JaJu]

Thank you, I think I did well in the interview but I'm often guilty of overconfidence as well.
They'll let me know the results 3 weeks later and I have several interviews from other companies.


I'm sorry to hear that. In my case I've been verbally abused ("totally useless," "you're such trash" and "you're a war criminal" lol) for 5 years by my current boss (the owner of a small business I work for) and it can drive me insane (but I don't think it can kill me) so I really need a new job.

I hope your job hunting works out

Goodness, how did you survive in that verbally abusive environment for 5 years!? A business operated by someone like that needs to shut down sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience. Hearing that you have several more interviews lined up gives me hope that you'll be able to find a much better job with employers that will appreciate the skills and person you bring to their business.

I wish you two both the best, the job market right now can be brutal for anyone, so I hope you both get something amazing!

Thank you even though I hate sales and being expected to meet number goals (like we have control over it), I may end up sticking around a little longer since my managers appreciate the work I put into this job.

 

[softgirlluna]

could be worse. just started a new med and i have mixed feelings and Christmas is always hard but it really could be alot worse

 

[Cavalcade]

Furious. That my so called friends would so easily toss me over to the side the second I started getting inconvenient, and that they're all thriving, and having the time of their life, not marred by an ounce of guilt for what they've done to me. They don't even think they're in the wrong, or that they've wronged anyone at all- because keeping the peace and silencing disruptive elements is far easier than ever facing who they are and what they've really done.