Discussion How do you guys feel on a daily basis?

[Warlord's Pulse]

I simply exist and repeat my mind numbing routine
Listless, I would say
Though my kind of "listless" seems different, I'm overall smiling

 

[TapeMachine]

It feels impossible to do anything on my worst days. My willpower and motivation are utterly paralyzed, so there is nothing "regular" about these days.

Nothing stimulates me, not even my usual interests. I am stuck with my thoughts with ZERO possibility of distracting myself, especially since I absolutely refuse to be around other people on these days. In these worst-of-the-worst moments, I greatly miss drinking alcohol, and I desperately wish I could just switch my brain off with copious amounts of vodka like I used to...nevertheless, alcohol lost its charm years ago, so that isn't an option.

I feel agitated constantly and like I want to angry-cry but can't. My mind is in overdrive, and none of the racing thoughts are happy ones.

Today has been one of those bad days. I want to sleep so badly, but I somehow feel too miserable to even do that, which makes no freaking sense. I'm just stuck with my thoughts, and they never stop. When I am finally "lucky" enough to drift off to sleep, I'll just dream about all the events and people that haunt me most. Even while I sleep, I get no reprieve.

But uh, unlike my mind, I will digress here. Heh. Sorry, I know I go on and on, but I dont have a soul irl that I can tell these things to.. Thanks to those who read any of my words.

 

[ChangeWaiter]

Mostly empty, but since I increased the dose of sertralin and my coffee intake, I also feel a bit nervous all the time, and less suicidal. I daydream about suicide sometimes, whenever I want to calm down, but I think of it less than just weeks ago and it could easily change within weeks or days. I escape into sleep whenever I can. I'm in a rehab right now, so there is time for working and therapy. During therapy I feel mostly bored looking at the clock constantly. During work I feel more or less "normal", it's a simple factory job, so I don't have to feel bad due to human interaction. I come back to my room and lay down. I can't sleep during the day, so I just kind of lay there trying to think of nothing and hopefully fall asleep. Sometimes I get too bored laying down, so I go to our common kitchen and have a bite of something or go out to have a smoke. As soon as this rehab ends, I'll be all on my own and my bed time will increase dramatically. I'm trying to find a routine I can handle long term. This routine involves going to a very simple factory job, coming back home, eating and going straight to bed, maybe with some television in between. Even though all the entertainment became boring to me, I sometimes forget about that and actually enjoy a show or a movie for a little while. And yes, there is also time for board games with my copatients, sometimes I forget myself in it and actually enjoy the game. All this will stop though as soon as the rehab ends.
In summary, boredom and nervousness takes up most of my day and there are short periods of me actually enjoying reality. The medication I'm taking seems to work - my suicidality is at the stage where I wouldn't mind dieing from an illness or sth, but I'm not planning my exit actively atm, but this changes over time.

 

[motherofmahesh]

Like shit. Doesn't matter if I spent the previous day being productive or bed rotting with a side of unhealthy coping, I wake up the next day not necessarily wanting to die but to have not woken up.

Same and it sucks because I don't want to wake up anymore, and also because I wasn't always like this. I miss wanting something and being able to hope, and fight for something better for myself. It doesn't matter anymore because nothing (even things that I used to enjoy) brings me joy. I try and nothing helps. I'm tormented by the same ruminating thoughts about my past and all of the trauma from the moment I wake up (and even when I'm sleeping!) I've already been taught the lesson that there is no special love coming for me. Over and over again by every guy I've ever made the mistake of allowing to sleep next to me. I am worthless. I ruined my life. I rot. I cry. I punch walls. I used to seek out therapy but I can't stand the thought of therapy now because I start feeling irrationally angry whenever someone tries to tell me they "know what's best" for me. Taking control of my life instead of offering me the comfort that it used to actually makes me feel less in control now.

Sorry for rambling.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel so shitty because merely existing is causing me so much pain and I don't have a way to escape existence. I'm stuck to suffer in existence and it's genuinely so painful. It feels like I was designed to suffer indefinitely. I know that my suffering will end one day as death is inevitable but time passes by so slowly to where it feels like I'm immortal. Life truly is a curse

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

As i'm not working curently, i spend as much time as i can sleeping during night, i fall asleep a few time at the morning and when i' can't fall back asleep anymore ( around 1 pm ). I start to look at the ceiling and my mind start ruminate about my life condition and all the suffering i will have to deal with once i will get out from bed. I get out from bed then i feel a lot of frustration, i feel sadness, sometimes anger, i have also lot of apathy and my mind spend the whole day trying to find a solution to the problem of my existence, i never find any hope, my mental just run very fast and everything I can imagine to improve my condition is blocked by something, as if I were in a dead end situation. So i'm just suffering and observating it as if I was detaching myself from it because it was too much and unbearable. I'm suffering, try to find a way out of it then do not find anything that can help and fell despair.

 

[charaunderground]

Bored. Tired. I usually fall asleep late and wake up late (and wake up just as exhausted as I was when I went to bed). 90% of my day is spent in my room / bed daydreaming about realities that don't exist and never will.

 

[Pluto]

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I feel anxious and so desolate and forlorn even if I know that at this juncture it's far better for me to be as alone as possible.

 

[broken_doll]

empty, numb, lonely.
my brain constantly thinks of suicide, i doomscroll the day away wishing i had friends and love and rot in bed fantasizing about ways to die and people that would care

 

[Trakehner]

Terrible. Almost unbearably so. It's almost comedic how bad things have gotten. I have no motivation and am just waiting to die at this point.

 

[Sheeanabrugh]

Im wondering when you guys are at your absolute worse, how do you feel when you "regularly" go about your day the best you can?

Personally I feel dread, and a ton of anxiety. I also feel pretty lethargic and have no motivation.

I'm asking bc I just want to see how other people feel and what they go through and think daily.

On my best days I feel... Ok? If a sense of low grade Dread I guess

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I sleep my days away. The days I don't work, I pop sleeping pills so I can sleep the whole day away. The only time I'm woke is when I'm waiting for my next dose to kick in.

If I have to work, I'll sleep until I have to work and repeat.

Like now, I've waken up and waiting for my pills to kick in again. I just don't want to live and the only way to escape is sleep. I only go out if I must to get food or work only.

I am so sorry. I totally relate. I pretty much live the same existence. It is torture when I do have to leave my bed for something.

 

[DarkerDragonSoul]

I'm feeling powerless and drained everyday. Everytime I wake up, I immediately feel sad. I just want this to end. I hope it will be soon.

 

[Genetic]

Im wondering when you guys are at your absolute worse, how do you feel when you "regularly" go about your day the best you can?

Personally I feel dread, and a ton of anxiety. I also feel pretty lethargic and have no motivation.

I'm asking bc I just want to see how other people feel and what they go through and think daily.

I lose motivation, tend to self-isolate and fantasise about how I'd CTB. I usually get angry too, either at people who have wronged me or myself for ending up with the life I live today. It sucks going through it at work because it's very dependent on initiative and communication so I end up devolving into a loop of hating everything and wanting to end it.

 

[FoxSauce]

For me are mostly up and down which are so frustrating and exhausting but I'm trying to do my best to manage it as best I can. Ofc I'm not perfect I still do mess up quite frequently.

Bad days- a lot of crying and outburst, anxious and depressed,to the point of self harm.

Good days- pretty good,for me if I feel generally for me a day without self harming is a good day

Mid day- just feel nothing

( I'm still trying to figure this out,but I have support which that works alot along with therapy, starting DBT)

 

[ocdsucks]

Recently my days have been really shit. Getting barely any sleep but feeling exhausted. Nauseous and struggling to eat. Panicking when trying to do anything.
It is unbearable. I'm barely coping and struggling to function.

 

[greebo6]

Painfully trapped , sad , desperate , lonely and ugly. It all hurts very very much and its an exhausting burden to carry all day every day.

 

[beseechgod]

I sleep my days away. The days I don't work, I pop sleeping pills so I can sleep the whole day away. The only time I'm woke is when I'm waiting for my next dose to kick in.

If I have to work, I'll sleep until I have to work and repeat.

Like now, I've waken up and waiting for my pills to kick in again. I just don't want to live and the only way to escape is sleep. I only go out if I must to get food or work only.

How do you deal with the tasks of showering and chores and everything else?

 

[dontwakemeup]

How do you deal with the tasks of showering and chores and everything else?

I'll be very honest. I barely make it. I may miss a shower for a few days(I purchase baby wipes to clean my hot areas) but never on my work days! My house is clean but upkeep like basic vacuuming, dusting, cleaning walls, etc is very challenging for me. It's to the point I may hire a cleaning company just to do it. I think people look at basic chores as simple and easy, but a severely depressed, and suicidal person it's equivalent to me packing a camping bag for a week stay, (washing and drying my clothes and organizing everything I need for the stay), driving hours to the camp site, then climbing this high mountain! It's simply overwhelming and I barely do it. It's so much easier to take a pill and waste my day. It's terrible I know.

How do you deal with the tasks of showering and chores and everything else?

The longer I'm awake, the more time I have to plan another attempt, my mind is racing and if I fail another attempt, I will be in so much trouble. Tasks and showers are honestly the last thing I care about in life.

 

[lnlybnny]

Rotting at home, no energy for anything, mostly sleepy. I'm very sleepy now btw

 

[beseechgod]

Rotting at home, no energy for anything, mostly sleepy. I'm very sleepy now btw

How do you make yourself always sleepy?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

dead inside.

 

[failureofahuman]

I go to college, do my classes, not talking to anyone. I listen to music during any break. Then when I get home, I lay in my bed on my phone, have dinner, go back to my bed. Then I listen to music and go to sleep. On weekends I lay in bed on my phone all day and get up for food at regular times. I do my schoolwork, shower, do house chores, all of that, just feel alienated and occasionally intense feelings of pain.