how often do you all think of suicide?

[cringebutfree]

as i find myself getting older and still facing my mental health issues and suicidal thoughts i've realized that i've just increasingly grown more suicidal despite efforts to get better and now having different reasons to be.

these past few months have been especially hard, as i've genuinely thought about suicide. every. single. day.

i can distract myself for a little, maybe even a while, but eventually i'll go back to feeling like i want to die. or that i should've been dead already. or that i have to die.

and, without fail, these thoughts happen at the very least once day (though it's most often more than once).

so, i was just curious about how often you all think about suicide and in what ways it manifests?

also, this is my first post so hi everyone! :)

 

[Darkover]

i've been suicidal everyday for the last 8 years not a days goes by i don't wish i was dead already

 

[Forever Sleep]

Hello. Welcome to the forum.

I'm thinking about suicide within seconds of waking up. I'll then think about it several times an hour I imagine throughout the rest of the day. I've had ideation for 34 years to varying intensities. It's been more emotionally intense in the past. It's also been much more passive. The last few years, it's become something I've felt much more set on doing. I've maybe felt more desperate to act in the past but I'm certainly feeling increasingly desperate to stop living these days.

 

[cringebutfree]

i've been suicidal everyday for the last 8 years not a days goes by i don't wish i was dead already

i hear you. i haven't felt this way for as long as you have, but i do fear it may be the way i feel for as long as i keep living.

if i may ask, how have you handled/coped with that for so many years? or have you not really?

 

[Darkover]

i hear you. i haven't felt this way for as long as you have, but i do fear it may be the way i feel for as long as i keep living.

if i may ask, how have you handled/coped with that for so many years? or have you not really?

take weed everyday to get high to feel some comfort and to forget my problems

 

[cringebutfree]

Hello. Welcome to the forum.

I'm thinking about suicide within seconds of waking up. I'll then think about it several times an hour I imagine throughout the rest of the day. I've had ideation for 34 years to varying intensities. It's been more emotionally intense in the past. It's also been much more passive. The last few years, it's become something I've felt much more set on doing. I've maybe felt more desperate to act in the past but I'm certainly feeling increasingly desperate to stop living these days.

hi! thank you for the welcome and thank you for sharing! <3

that sounds so hard to face, and for so many years too. i haven't felt this way for nearly as long as you have, i can't imagine how hard it must be.

take weed everyday to get high to feel some comfort and to forget my problems

i'm glad you've found something that gives you comfort!

unfortunately for me weed makes me incredibly anxious so i try not to use it </3 i wish i could though!

 

[TheHolySword]

every waking moment of every day

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Every single second that I'm awake for, I'm thinking about suicide and death

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I've been suicidal since I found out that I didn't have to live that was around 12 years ago.

 

[wannabeshadow]

I feel like it never left ever since I thought about it the first time which was at around 12yo probably. Although in between I definitely had days where I didn't think about it, but every so often I would have little hints like looking through a window and wondering if I should jump. The "active" suicidal thoughts have been going on for probably around 3 years.

 

[chaosdrifter]

Hey there, welcome!
I often think about suicide for much of the day. Sometimes, I'm in what I'd call stage one—the thoughts are there, but I can occasionally distract myself. For example, when I'm spending time with a good friend, even though it can be really hard for me to feel connected to others. There are moments, though, when I feel more lighthearted and present in the moment.
Then there's stage two, where the thoughts grow more overwhelming. No matter what I try, I just can't stop thinking about them, and distractions no longer work.
Finally, there's stage three. Here, the thoughts become intensely emotional and desperate. I feel strong, impulsive urges to act on them, and I find myself relying on what are often called dysfunctional coping mechanisms to handle them.
In stage one or two, my thoughts are circling more about plans to end my life, organizational stuff or I just feel a longing for death and in stage three it's very disorganized and chaotic.

 

[outrider567]

All the time, going on 3 years now

 

[Defenestration]

All DAYS since june 2023

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm personally always wishing and hoping to be gone, for me non-existence is all I've ever hoped for, I see existing as deeply undesirable in every way possible and I see it as a burden to have to exist at all, I just don't have any interest in the cruel, torturous imposition that is existence and it just feels like a terrible mistake to me as well.

I see existing as just suffering all for the sake of it until death takes away all anyway which is certainly why I'd always prefer to cease existing as after all only in non-existence will I be unable to suffer. Ceasing to exist would solve everything for me and bring me peace from this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just for them to be tortured by old age, it terrifies me how a human can exist for so long, I have so much dread for what lies ahead, no matter what I'll always find it so dreadful to suffer in this existence.

 

[SmoolPepe]

Every waking moment for the past 10 years at least.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Several times a day but needs to be more for me to focus on my suicide so i can kill these monstrous cells they call a human body im imprisoned in. I have work and am a programmed machine dumb habits like watching utube TV social media etc

 

[cazza82]

as i find myself getting older and still facing my mental health issues and suicidal thoughts i've realized that i've just increasingly grown more suicidal despite efforts to get better and now having different reasons to be.

these past few months have been especially hard, as i've genuinely thought about suicide. every. single. day.

i can distract myself for a little, maybe even a while, but eventually i'll go back to feeling like i want to die. or that i should've been dead already. or that i have to die.

and, without fail, these thoughts happen at the very least once day (though it's most often more than once).

so, i was just curious about how often you all think about suicide and in what ways it manifests?

also, this is my first post so hi everyone! :)

Every single day so your not alone it's awful isn't it

 

[littleearthquakes]

Every day. Some days I get it more intensely if my pain is extra bad or I have a bad medical appointment or fight with someone. But my chronic pain is the main cause of the thoughts these days and I'm always in pain so it's there if I stop to think about my life or the pain.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Literally all the time

 

[LostLily]

For as long as I remember it always back of them k day. Some periods the desire is stronger, other time it is weaker

 

[Shadows From Hell]

not a days goes by i don't wish i was dead already

This.... 1000%

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Hello and welcome
Yip, every day. This year it just got real though. It's not only thinking about it anymore but almost like being more realistic or practical about making it happen.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I don't necessary think about killing myself on a daily basis as i know it is not possible in my case, for my parents and also because the process seem atrocious.
I just can't find a way to make my condition bearable so i'm constantly just feel stuck in a dead end situation in wich i would like everything to stop.

 

[SA1994EC]

To me, it is every single waking moment. Due to the physical damages I recently got, it has become more intense and urgent. Time has come, I suppose.

 

[F@#$]

It's always on my mind,constantly.

 

[radiohead]

it's a daily thing at this point. strongly feel the opposite maybe once a week though. it's enough to come close to balancing out, but it's nigh impossible to do anything else without tipping the scales a bit too far against me. weird place to be.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I think about suicide almost constantly. The only thing that varies is how conflicted I feel over it: sometimes I feel comforted by death, other times I feel like the worst person on earth for the pain it would cause my family.

 

[alienfreak]

It's so constant that i can't imagine the thoughts as a number of times per day. It causes a physical feeling in my stomach or chest that's always there. Even if i am trying to do something it's like im multitasking because it's always there in my mind and body. When i first wake up sometimes there is a moment that i have forgotten, and then it crashes down on me like an enormous weight

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I've been suicidal since I was 14, and I'm past middle age now. It's mainly because of not having friends, and different periods of my life have been harder than others. I also have terrible anxiety and at times will fear for the future, which really makes me want to end things. I have toyed with different methods, but SI kicks in, and I'm worried about botching it. I really, really wish I would get sick and die quickly; that would honestly be a blessing.

 

[sillyboy98]

It's hard to remember a day where I didn't think of ending it at least once. I can occasionally distract myself for a few hours, but even then it feels like there's a little voice in the back of my head whispering at me. And when the distraction is gone, well, the voice just takes over entirely