Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[Yakamoz]

30, will be 31 in seven months.

I think since 2015

 

[LivingANDDying26]

I'm 24 and will be 25 later this yr.

I've been depressed since I was 8 and I think suicidal since like 3 yrs old or so. I've thought of disappearing since then and then like actually suicidal suicidal since like age 14. Chronically since 18.

 

[chloramine]

25 and I first wanted to die at 10. In hindsight I probably had problems before then but I'd already learned to hide things and it definitely wasn't as bad at that point.

 

[Jason84931]

I am 18 years old and I have been suffering from depression for like 6-7 years, i've only started to notice it 3 years ago though.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

38. Depressed as long as I can remember. Suicidal for the last 3 years. (Had not considered it previously).

 

[BpdQueen]

Im 27, im fighting depression and suïcidal thoughts for 10 years now. Still struggling. Im not living, im surviving.

 

[jdog2498]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

21 I think when was around 9-10. Wasted a lot of time in my room playing Vidya. Didn't really get out much or have friends.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Started at 12, here at 24.

 

[aSilentVoice]

I'm 28 (from the US) and have been varying levels of depressed since middle school

 

[RW__Asher23]

Well last time I checked I am THE OLDEST person on sasu. I am 71. Depression and PTSD since 1972 fresh out of United States Air Force Honorable discharge and finding myself looking at that discharge and wondering where the Honor part of that is? Viet Nam , losing my brother to severe PTSD himself and later died. Yeah Suicidal then. America hated me for serving and called me names like baby killer and etc , not just me but every one coming home from service because they hated the war so they hated us. I wanted to die ctb. 2 months later my first attempt. 3 tries to ctb and one successful until I was shocked back to life in ER room some hospital. Hated them ! I was dead. They brought me back! Life just went down hill then up then down etc etc .Story is too long and too sad and no one would want to know anyway. I have my date set. This time no mistakes. Wish you and all here Love and Peace. What ever your journey leads you to from here I wish you easy peaceful walk down that road.
Peace.

 

[CompleteControl]

Since my childhood I've been dealing with it for 20+ years anti depressants just made me worse will be 40 In a couple years but doubt I'll make it til the end of this month honestly.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I'm 30, been depressed with passive suicidal ideation since at least 7, actively wanted to kill myself since around 12. My first "attempt" was at 12, just banging my head against my bed frame as hard as I could until my mother called me stupid and yelled at me to stop.

 

[maybemonday]

I'm 21 this year and have had suicidal ideation on and off since I was around 12

 

[Paradise]

I'm 18 and have been diagnosed with depression since 13 after my parents' messy divorce and abuse from my father (like threatening me with a gun). Since then I also have been struggling with dpdr and I find that to be my biggest problem (and also the reason why my life doesn't bare any meaning) :3

 

[SadNights]

About to turn 22 and I've been depressed for about 11 years now. The suicidal thoughts started around 3 years in. The depression only got worse over time but for the first time I actually started to feel better last year. It was nice while it lasted.

 

[sparkle]

Unfortunately alive 25 years, becoming increasingly depressed during 13 of them, wanting to leave for 5 of them.

 

[rattymiss]

Hello, I'll be 23 this year and I've been depressed since 6-7years old. I think the major thing that pushed me into the spiral of this state was the constant bullying from other kids my age, being conventionally unattractive, being different/weird (self-diagnosed to be in spectrum, too ashamed to ask for diagnosis cause I feel like a burden to my doctors even tho it's their job), abusive household, neglect and sa - including rape and molestation by teachers and peers. I was neglected to the point where at 9 when I'd draw suicide scenes my parents would laugh it off and didn't think of it. being constantly used by others... a lot of stuff that I personally wouldn't consider that deep but somehow fucked with my head. I was in therapy once, behavioural one for depression. Assigned with some way older people than me to which I couldn't relate at all. In the end didn't help me at all. Sorry for the vent.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

21, been suicidal since the start of covid. It was at its worst at the end of last year like actually the closest I was to dying, nowadays I have been improving slowly. I highly recommend getting some pet if you are lonely or just in general forcing yourself to socialize, it really helps since humans need it.

 

[random496677]

I'm 20 years old and I've been depressed since I was 10. It honestly feels longer than ten years it feels like an eternity of this deep dark sadness in my soul. It has been long, tiring, and lonely and I can't wait for it to all end.

 

[ButterCat]

I'm 19 years old and live in the US and I have had on-and-off depression since I was around 8 or 9 I started having suicidal thoughts when I was 10

 

[NambaSutra]

I'm 48 now suicidal for a long time, not sure how long exactly I've be n suicidal (decades) but it got much more intense a little over a year ago. I've been depressed my whole life but I didn't really know about suicide when I was a kid and didn't have the internet to inform me.

I wish I'd found this forum when the good suicide methods were easier to obtain.

 

[rabbit_feet]

I feel like I've been suffering forever, just want to talk to people in the same state as me
How old are you, where are you from, or just say what you want about your experiences.

Hey there :> I'm 19, I'm from Colorado and I think I've been depressed since I was 11? 12? I don't know an exact time frame really, but I had issues with suicidal ideation all throughout middle school to the point that my friend reported me to the school counselors, who then called my parents. Unfortunately enough, only my mom was ever really aware of this incident, and even more unfortunately, she picked me up from school the day she got the call and instead of talking about it, pretended like it didn't happen and never acknowledged it.

I got a bit better for a few years after getting into a committed relationship. However, my bf at the time cheated on me emotionally after 3 years together, causing me to spiral into the worst depression I've ever dealt with. Had I had access to this forum, I might have made an attempt to CTB. I felt miserable and no matter how I spent my days, it felt meaningless. No one knew how to support me. After several months of misery, a different friend forced me to talk to a school counselor (this happened my junior year of HS) and once again my parents were called. This time, my mom took it seriously and now I have a therapist that I see every 2 weeks. So, if my rough time frame is correct, then I was depressed for 5 years before ever being diagnosed and getting proper help. Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised it took my family so long to help me. My older brother has dealt with severe depression since he was super young as well. My parents tried taking him to see therapists, but my mom claims they "just never worked out." No wonder, it's because she always refused to leave the room during his sessions and my parents are the primary cause for mine and my brother's mental health problems. He made multiple attempts on his life and even has some visible SH scares, though those are very faded now considering he has found ways to cope and now has very strong support circles.
COVID quarantine times were really really hard for all of us. That was when I finally woke up and realized just how awful my parents actually are, which conveniently enough was right around the time I started seeing a therapist.

ANYWAYS, I feel like I've rambled enough-- I'd be happy to talk more about my experiences if anyone is curious but I don't want to write a novel here lol

 

[scamper]

I am 19 and I have been suicidal since I was 14. Ive had the same plan since 15 to ctb a bit later on in my life. Thinking about suicide used to always used to make me very unhappy and afraid, but the closer I get to my death date, the more I feel at ease. My perspectives on suicide have changed since then but my desire has not.

 

[atomic kitty]

Don't really wanna say my age, but I've been suicidal for 4 years now. I've been to the therapist and she said that I probably need medical help, but my mom disagreed and said that it's for "crazy people" So we stopped the therapy.

 

[AsAboveSoBelow]

Been depressed and suicidal since middle school, that'd be about two decades in a year or so. It started as really intense/active ideation, escalated to intent, and I attempted at 14-15 around 2-3 times but failed (didn't have much knowledge and was living with family, limited resources). Luckily my family didnt know up until today, they thought those attempts were "accidental".

Then I decided to wait until I move out and go to uni and get work (passively suicidal interspersed with active planning while having episodes of major depression here and there). Since the past 10 years it's becoming more active and I have made some plans a few times, but were always discovered by someone in my life (colleague(s)/close friend(s)/GP/therapist - I saw the therapist for something else) and get sent for "help". They didn't know I was suicidal or was planning, they just saw that I was severely depressed and felt obliged to support me to get "help". Then I had to play along coz didn't wanna get sectioned or anything.

(my preferred methods required extensive planning and had had to source out items and wait for them - sadly these items/equipments are not available for purchase online anymore. I regret returning/disposing of them upon "advice" from doctors and psychologists. Could've just pretended I did and not tell them. Sigh.

Now I've disconnected with most people in my life and am just contemplating for myself. So they would not notice if I'm behaving out of character, and they wouldn't miss me when I'm gone. Less guilt/things/people to think about.

 

[Rocinante]

24. Since 14

 

[luminiby]

I'm 22 and I've had another attempt ( my last one being back when I was 16) back in August 2022. Sometimes It gets better and sometimes, it doesn't. But I'm still here

 

[Ineedtodie]

32. Been depressed very young bc i felt unsafe all the time. Got worse at around 12 and 13 and much worse at 19 and forward and now i'm caring all the scars of those years. My first attempt was at my early 20, don't remember thé year exactly, my second was 4 months ago. I feel stuck without enaugh reasons to resisist.

 

[parader]

i'm 29, started cutting when i was 13 but i was able to keep up with life back then, wouldn't even say i was depressed in my teenage years
things only got worse when i turned 19, that's where suicidal ideation became a constant part of my everyday life

 

[iamalreadydead]

20, and since I was 8