Help How to call/vc with anxiety?

[eatantz]

I really struggle with calling my friends and voice chatting with online friends. Any tips on how to beat the anxiety? I'm insecure about my voice and I'm super awkward

 

[ChronicPainExistent]

There are sites where you can voice call with random people; perhaps you could give those a try? Just to get more used to calling with people in general, and maybe that'll help with the anxiety.

 

[mymarbles]

im the exact same! i can hardly even call family maybe it will help you too but lately i've been joining vc calls with others on mute and just respond with soundboard or unmute occasionally. i find it a little less uncomfortable than before. maybe it's a way to slowly get progressively more comfortable with it

 

[dynastickitten]

Unfortunately I think this is one of those things that you just have to do scared

 

[AvwJ]

i totally get where you are coming from. i've been largely living online and playing games that require vc for like, 15 years and i still get a lot of anxiety ever speaking up. with close friends i can be pretty vocal, but in groups of people i'm practically a mute. i have this problem in-person too, but i feel like communicating should just be easier online and it hardly is.

i don't really have advice, unfortunately. the way i ease my nerves and get myself to finally talk to people when i'm really anxious about it is by having a drink or 2 and i don't think i want to recommend relying on alcohol to anyone, lol. hopefully you can start slow and with a person or people you feel relatively comfortable with or maybe even are openly anxious themselves. i pretty much always throw out a disclaimer to new friends i chat with that i might be very quiet at first because of my nerves, and it has always been received very well. it is extremely comforting and helpful to me when someone is understanding and patient with how anxious i might be

 

[damyon]

I'm insecure about my voice

It is common to dislike hearing your own voice. What specifically bothers you about it? Improving on your voice can give you the confidence you need.

Any tips on how to beat the anxiety?

Try exposure therapy. You can put yourself in situations where you must speak and can't easily escape the conversation. For example, call someone without overthinking it. What's the worst thing that can happen? You'll feel anxious at first, but you'll get used to it over time.

 

[sugarb]

I really struggle with calling my friends and voice chatting with online friends. Any tips on how to beat the anxiety? I'm insecure about my voice and I'm super awkward

I'm the same. Over the last year or so I've halfway gotten over it by taking the plunge with strangers on occasion and getting lots practice by calling my girlfriend for multiple hour stretches, falling asleep while calling, etc.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I also have an awful sounding voice that ends up sounding even worse over the phone or online. I used to have to do lots of group chats with my friends back when the pandemic was at its peak so I decided to lean in on how awful I sound by intentionally making spastic noises like some kind of Rick and Morty character. My friends get a kick out of it because we all do that sort of thing together so it may depend on how they'd handle it really.

 

[eatantz]

It is common to dislike hearing your own voice. What specifically bothers you about it? Improving on your voice can give you the confidence you need.

I feel like i sound like a child sometimes when i hear my voice on video, and my accent bothers me too. British people think i sound American while people not from the UK think i sound super British

 

[qw3rty259]

Mine stemmed from the fact that I always looked at those conversations from the 3rd face perspective so to say. I.e. I cared that everything is good and that the person is enjoying the conversation. I cared about what they thought about me. I guess I was somewhat of people pleaser, so it was really tiring aside from it being awkward. I feared to be seen as rude or that people would think that I'm not funny or hate them whereas i just wanted to be silent for some time. Moreover, it would make the conversation even worse at times as it made me nervous. So, if that's the case for you I'd say that the best thing is to not try to play some role and be yourself, but be aware that you're being yourself may result in you losing your "friends" lol, that's life

 

[damyon]

my accent bothers me too. British people think i sound American while people not from the UK think i sound super British

Does it bother others, though? I understand your concern; it's similar to disliking your voice in general. However, if strangers are fine with it, you shouldn't overthink it when talking to them.

I feel like i sound like a child sometimes when i hear my voice on video,

You can also try growling to make your voice temporarily deeper. This helps you learn how your throat "feels" when you want to sound less like a child so that you can imitate it by yourself (without growling)

 

[eatantz]

Does it bother others, though? I understand your concern; it's similar to disliking your voice in general. However, if strangers are fine with it, you shouldn't overthink it when talking to them.

You can also try growling to make your voice temporarily deeper. This helps you learn how your throat "feels" when you want to sound less like a child so that you can imitate it by yourself (without growling)

No ones ever complained tbf, just my insecurities.
I'll try it, sounds like a good idea! Thank you

 

[katara]

Unfortunately I think this is one of those things that you just have to do scared

Your profile pic is honestly a little scary too

 

[dynastickitten]

Your profile pic is honestly a little scary too

HAHA it's just a Siamese cat who isn't enjoying his bath

 

[ChronicPainExistent]

You can also try growling to make your voice temporarily deeper. This helps you learn how your throat "feels" when you want to sound less like a child so that you can imitate it by yourself (without growling)

Personally, I'm not quite sure about the usefulness of growling for improving one's general vocal habits. The deepness of one's voice shouldn't be the focal point — rather, the focal point should be one's vocal resonance. It's often the case that when we try to artificially deepen our voice, we lose some of that resonance.

Focusing on resonance does often lead to a deepening of one's voice; but not so much the other way around.

A few tips for improving one's resonance when speaking:

• Breathe deeply from the diaphragm. Give your voice ample breath-support.
• Keep your throat, neck, jaw, and tongue as relaxed as possible. Relaxation is important, as tension contracts our body, which reduces the amount of space in one's body wherein the resonance is created.
• Sit or stand with good posture — a bent-over posture restricts airflow.

These're things I'm working on myself, actually. Having spent most of my life as someone who was extremely socially anxious, highly nervous, and an inveterate mumbler, I've had some poor speaking habits that really hampered my vocal resonance. Despite having a fairly low-pitched voice, my voice still often sounded thin, dull, and childish — especially at times when I was more anxious, as that would unconsciously change my speaking habits.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I was very anxious speaking, especially on the phone. I also mumbled a lot, in some misguided attempt to protect myself.
I got past that out of necessity, simply forcing myself to talk to many different people over many years.

I found it easier to focus on the transfer of information. If I'm clearly understood, and accomplish what I'm set out to do, it's a success.
While that's not hard, it required repetition to make it a confident habit. Nowadays I'm able to speak in a composed and clear manner, to anyone, without much anxiety.

I think resonance and depth, and all that, are unnecessarily advanced topics for calling friends or ordering a pizza.
Much of it will likely come naturally as you relax and get more confident. Keep it simple, until you have some fundamental confidence.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I think it's just one of those things you have to get used to. I'd start by talking with someone you trust, that way it's not too terrible if you do something weird

 

[MarsProxy]

No idea if anyone mentioned this, but what helped me a little is having some friends who didn't mind if I just joined a call/vc and didn't saying anything. At the very least it helped me get into a more comfortable mindset to comment at times and eventually conversations. It also helps to have an activity that you are all doing together.

 

[G50]

I really struggle with calling my friends and voice chatting with online friends. Any tips on how to beat the anxiety? I'm insecure about my voice and I'm super awkward

If you have social anxiety (involves worries about how other judge or perceive you), then choline bitartrate 600 mg often works wonders to treat this. Within an hour or so of taking this supplement, the social anxiety melts away.

 

[ChronicPainExistent]

I was very anxious speaking, especially on the phone. I also mumbled a lot, in some misguided attempt to protect myself.
I got past that out of necessity, simply forcing myself to talk to many different people over many years.

I found it easier to focus on the transfer of information. If I'm clearly understood, and accomplish what I'm set out to do, it's a success.
While that's not hard, it required repetition to make it a confident habit. Nowadays I'm able to speak in a composed and clear manner, to anyone, without much anxiety.

I think resonance and depth, and all that, are unnecessarily advanced topics for calling friends or ordering a pizza.
Much of it will likely come naturally as you relax and get more confident. Keep it simple, until you have some fundamental confidence.

I believe I'd also mumbled in a subconscious way to protect myself — somewhat trying to "hide" my words at the same time as I was saying them.

Vocal characteristics like resonance and pitch are not advanced; as you've written, the optimal resonance and pitch come naturally to most simply when relaxed and confident. But little, basic things like simply breathing deeply, and perhaps some short vocal warm-ups, can make a fairly sizable difference for some people, with minimal investment.

I forgot to further emphasize in my post that this was solely in the context of improving vocal habits — and I would say that's something that's never really necessary for anyone. (Could some of us sound a bit better? Maybe. But in all likelihood, everyone here sounds just fine. It's just that we tend to have a much more critical view of our own voices than others.) I'd only mentioned these things when the subject of improving vocal habits did happen to come up.

I fully agree that pushing yourself to talk to people regardless of what anxieties or insecurities we may feel is crucial. There's nothing like actual, hands-on experience. And social connections can be an indispensable aid in most people's recoveries.