Help How to keep the urge to live after constant rejection?

[emptyenvelopes]

I feel the strongest urge to not be alive when I get rejected. It's getting harder and harder to keep getting back up, as each rejection is a blow in the same tender spot in my soul.

For context- I finally got the courage to leave an abusive romantic relationship. And now I'm trying to date and find love again and every hope of love that doesn't work out because they either reject or ghost me is killing me.

Don't tell me not to put all my happiness in finding romantic love, because I don't. But know that this is really important to me because I really want a traditional family and children one day. So I have to keep putting myself out there to find that.

What do I do?

 

[ChronicPainExistent]

You don't have to keep putting yourself out there. How about taking a break from it for a little while? Give yourself time to recuperate.

It's not healthy for a rejection to hurt to the point of making you not want to live. Romantic love should be an addition to your life, not a necessity without which you wouldn't want to be alive.

Having a family of your own is really important to you, yes — but it's also important not to rush into having that family, right? You can take your time with this. It's better if you do.

 

[Linda]

I feel the strongest urge to not be alive when I get rejected. It's getting harder and harder to keep getting back up, as each rejection is a blow in the same tender spot in my soul.

For context- I finally got the courage to leave an abusive romantic relationship. And now I'm trying to date and find love again and every hope of love that doesn't work out because they either reject or ghost me is killing me.

Don't tell me not to put all my happiness in finding romantic love, because I don't. But know that this is really important to me because I really want a traditional family and children one day. So I have to keep putting myself out there to find that.

What do I do?

Have you tried to figure out why people keep rejecting you? Have you tried to figure out how you managed to get yourself into that abusive relationship? If you can understand both of those, you will be better placed when it comes to looking for a good partner.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

Have you tried to figure out why people keep rejecting you? Have you tried to figure out how you managed to get yourself into that abusive relationship? If you can understand both of those, you will be better placed when it comes to looking for a good partner.

Yes I have talked to a professional about that abusive relationship so I know what to do to make sure that happens again.

I don't know why I keep getting rejected though. We'll have good conversation and hen they will ghost and with no explanation. Or we'll have a fine dinner date and then they will say they don't want to see me anymore.

I get really sad when I'm rejected and usually just delete their number and cry, but I don't ask why they don't want to see me again. I know I should ask, and I'd like to think I will next time, I'm just scared of the wave of pain I'm sure their words will bring.

 

[Linda]

Yes I have talked to a professional about that abusive relationship so I know what to do to make sure that happens again.

I don't know why I keep getting rejected though. We'll have good conversation and hen they will ghost and with no explanation. Or we'll have a fine dinner date and then they will say they don't want to see me anymore.

I get really sad when I'm rejected and usually just delete their number and cry, but I don't ask why they don't want to see me again. I know I should ask, and I'd like to think I will next time, I'm just scared of the wave of pain I'm sure their words will bring.

You could try contacting the people who rejected you, and ask them why they didn't want to continue the relationship. Explain that you are looking for honest feedback for the sake of your own mental health; you are not trying to restart the relationship. Some people won't respond, some would probably lie to you "to spare your feelings" as they will see it, but others might give you some useful feedback.

 

[emptyenvelopes]

You could try contacting the people who rejected you, and ask them why they didn't want to continue the relationship. Explain that you are looking for honest feedback for the sake of your own mental health; you are not trying to restart the relationship. Some people won't respond, some would probably lie to you "to spare your feelings" as they will see it, but others might give you some useful feedback.

Update for you- someone rejected me today and I got the courage to ask why and surprisingly they said I didn't do anything wrong but that they were not in a place to date. I pressed because I wasn't sure but they complimented me and said I would be a quality girlfriend they weren't ready for.

I hope they weren't just gassing me up. But either way this helped me realize that dating is ran by feelings and feelings are so illogical and I shouldn't get so beat up over someone not having feelings for me. Everyone trusts their gut when dating and your gut feelings you can't explain. So there is no sense agonizing over something I can't begin to understand.

That's all, I just wanted to share what I learned when I took your advice.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

All I know is rejection

 

[Linda]

Update for you- someone rejected me today and I got the courage to ask why and surprisingly they said I didn't do anything wrong but that they were not in a place to date. I pressed because I wasn't sure but they complimented me and said I would be a quality girlfriend they weren't ready for.

I hope they weren't just gassing me up. But either way this helped me realize that dating is ran by feelings and feelings are so illogical and I shouldn't get so beat up over someone not having feelings for me. Everyone trusts their gut when dating and your gut feelings you can't explain. So there is no sense agonizing over something I can't begin to understand.

That's all, I just wanted to share what I learned when I took your advice.

That's a good start.
Yes, feelings are illogical. And that's especially true when it comes to dating.
Good luck.