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GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
As I get closer to my attempt date (which feels soon, likely in the next week), I reflect back on the people I made a bad impression with. I was always someone who really struggled with trust issues from child abuse so when I got older, I had a hard time with authority figures like bosses, professors..... Some of them I'm sure really disliked me.

I wonder what these people will say once they find out I'm dead, if they do at all. I don't think the reaction will be glee exactly... but more like "Well I'm not surprised they had mental issues"....Or even secretly they might even be contemptuously satisfied that a miserable wretch like me self destructed. There are some people who are so disliked in this world that others will think they got what they deserved by being who they are.

I know, I know - it doesn't matter because I'm going to be dead. I still wonder though.
 
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Kassender

Kassender

Experienced
Aug 29, 2018
251
"Who?
Oh yeah. Oh. Thats sad."
 
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D

DeepSleep

Student
Aug 8, 2018
115
As I get closer to my attempt date (which feels soon, likely in the next week), I reflect back on the people I made a bad impression with.

Everyone wants to peek through a peep slot to see their reaction.. So natural.
 
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GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
Everyone wants to peek through a peep slot to see their reaction.. So natural.
It's a bit of a pointless exercise because you're never going to know. Well that's not true. I know how friends and family react. It's the people who disliked me I wonder if they will feel secretly satisfied, or their reaction in general.
 
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GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
"Who?
Oh yeah. Oh. Thats sad."
Lmao yeah sounds about right. I guess I can try to imagine someone I really dislike being dead by suicide. I'd probably say this exact same thing.
 
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wezel

wezel

Experienced
Aug 14, 2018
221
Couldn't care less. I am not even interested in the fake reactions of those who don't hate me.
 
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GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
Couldn't care less. I am not even interested in the fake reactions of those who don't hate me.
"Fake" reactions? Please elaborate if you don't mind
 
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Smilla

Smilla

Visionary
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
Most people dislike me, just the way I am and how my life has gone.

Can't imagine it any other way.
 
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wezel

wezel

Experienced
Aug 14, 2018
221
"Fake" reactions? Please elaborate if you don't mind

In reality people don't give a rat's ass about each other unless it benefits them, that's human nature in a nutshell.

"Fake reactions" I experience from people who know me and don't hate me.
Apart from a bit of lip service ( " sorry what happened to you " ) one gets lectured and ignored,
empathy ( which wouldn't cost much, wouldn't it ? ) is set near zero.

So I am not interested in their reactions ( "Oh my God, how terrible !" ) when I ctb.
They can go and FT.
 
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GoneSeptember2018

Student
Aug 28, 2018
158
Agreed
 
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