Venting i am 19, i don’t understand why people say that’s too young to ctb

[mossmoth]

i am 19. I have been consistently SH snd wanting to ctb since I was 13, and wanted death otherwise since i was 10. I don't understand why people say that is too young.

i know that it's because the brain does not finish "maturing" but i don't understand how the brain is supposed to magically get better at this point

i don't think i'm ever going to want to do anything. ever. i've never really wanted to do ANYTHING. i've NEVER liked leaving the house at all. I've never liked to talk to other people. I've never liked creating anything meaningful. i've always been so, so, so, so tired. always.
ive never had any drive or purpose or anything i don't understand how im too young to say that this is enough

 

[deadbidaylight]

I think it really boils down to the reasons WHY you want to CTB.

Although I hate to see someone who's just beginning their life ending it, I do believe that certain circumstances warrant it and I would support it.

I'm not necessarily against young people CTB. I'm against CTB over juvenile things.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I think anyone over the age of 18 should have access to a pain-free suicide for any reason as long as they understand that death is irreversible.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand as I've always been so tired of existing as well, I've personally never wished to exist, non-existence is all I've ever hoped for, I just find it so deeply undesirable to exist.

 

[lonergirl_26]

I'm the same age and you are so right. I don't think there is an age where it is "acceptable" to die.
I was told at 13 "it will get better. You just need to give it time" I've given it time and I'm worse off than I was then

 

[Forveleth]

As someone who was suicidal since 15 but is now 40, I see it both ways. Life has been tough for you for a long time already, but you have genuinely barely started life (think of it like you are still in the tutorial level of a video game). You might not feel motivated or like anything right now but your brain chemistry is genuinely going to change in the next few years and that might totally change how you see the world.

You also probably have not had much life experience outside of your family and school. The scope of ideas and experience you have been exposed to is quite narrow, leading you to think this is all there is and it will never be different when, in reality, you have experienced only just a tiny sliver of what exists.

So, on one hand, you may not ever feel different (I would be a hypocrite if I said you will) but on the other hand, you have not really had the chance to give life a full try yet. All said with no judgement, just my thoughts.

 

[Nothing Left]

Because of the potential for change of mind/worldview/life.

The majority of people are not the same people at 30 that they were at 19.

Conditions change, beliefs change over time (hypothetically).

Though there are some of us who could have CTB at 19 and wouldn't have missed a damn thing (like myself).

 

[Permanoir]

I'm 18, and while this sentiment used to bother me, it made me think more critically about my reasons for ctb and feel more certain. In my case, being born intersex comes with challenges that most people wouldn't know how to address, let alone relate to.

 

[Namelesa]

To me anyone should be able to ctb as we were forced into this world to begin with so its fair to leave life at any point. No one should be forced to do anything. Also you can't regret dying cus you can't feel anything in non-existence which also means no suffering. Life isn't guaranteed to get better and could stay as bad or get even worse so it should be up to the person whether they want to risk continuing life or to attempt a suicide.

 

[dulldark]

At 17 or 18, my life went straight to hell after already being pretty awful. It became clear I wouldn't receive the appropriate support as the years went by, and my mental and physical health deteriorated as a result. A decade later, and I wish I'd ctb as young as possible.

 

[Jade10666]

I'm not necessarily against young people CTB. I'm against CTB over juvenile things.

I agree with that sentiment

i am 19. I have been consistently SH snd wanting to ctb since I was 13, and wanted death otherwise since i was 10. I don't understand why people say that is too young.

i know that it's because the brain does not finish "maturing" but i don't understand how the brain is supposed to magically get better at this point

i don't think i'm ever going to want to do anything. ever. i've never really wanted to do ANYTHING. i've NEVER liked leaving the house at all. I've never liked to talk to other people. I've never liked creating anything meaningful. i've always been so, so, so, so tired. always.
ive never had any drive or purpose or anything i don't understand how im too young to say that this is enough

You always have a right to make your own decisions about your future. It doen't mean we have to agree with your choices - but I firmly believe its your choice to make

 

[Linda]

i am 19. I have been consistently SH snd wanting to ctb since I was 13, and wanted death otherwise since i was 10. I don't understand why people say that is too young.

i know that it's because the brain does not finish "maturing" but i don't understand how the brain is supposed to magically get better at this point

i don't think i'm ever going to want to do anything. ever. i've never really wanted to do ANYTHING. i've NEVER liked leaving the house at all. I've never liked to talk to other people. I've never liked creating anything meaningful. i've always been so, so, so, so tired. always.
ive never had any drive or purpose or anything i don't understand how im too young to say that this is enough

Do you have, or have you ever had a partner? For most people, that makes a big difference.
Back when I was 16, I was on a school exchange visit, and stayed for a week with the family of a girl my age in southern Maine. (She lived in a small place called North Berwick, if I recall corectly.) I related very well to her father (probably because he was so different from my own father), and I opened up to him about some of my own issues. One of the things he said has always stuck in my mind: You'll be alright when you have found a nice boy. Turns out that he was right.
I can't guarantee that having a good, long-term partner would make a difference for you, but my guess is that it would. It might even help a lot.

 

[Andrew10]

That was me almost 2 years ago, when I entered this forum I was in my late 18th and they told me the same thing, I'm only 18 and I have a lot ahead of me, I'm currently about to turn 21 and I hope I don't reach that age. I think it's the potential to be able to change things or simply the fact that it can sound sad and heartbreaking to see someone young want to end it all. I think that from the perspective of older people. Some believe that at that age you can change things because for them at that age they had time to do it. thinking about how cruel this world is to young souls, even if that person maybe went through it at a similar age or not, is simply sad and understandable. There are people here who are 30s, 40s, 50s or even older. In their eyes, seeing someone four times younger than you suffering can be soul-shattering. For them, we have barely started in life, we are little creatures in their eyes and some of us are already beyond fucked up. For older people who are already suffering, it's simply sadder to see younger people suffer too, The feeling of seeing poor, innocent and barely young people in this state can even make someone cry and I can empathize with that perspective even though I don't have the necessary experience or I don't know how much each person has been through. After all, all of this always ends in the same point: suffering.

Peace

 

[mossmoth]

Do you have, or have you ever had a partner? For most people, that makes a big difference.

I am an exceptionally ugly person, I think. I don't know. I have never had a partner, I have never had any feelings admitted for me. People don't compliment my looks. I've never been catcalled, harrassed, or talked to by strangers for any reason since I was a child. I am not someone people want to interact with.

Honestly, it's one of the reasons I want to ctb. I know people aren't attracted to me in the slightest and I would love a partner to show my affection.

I live in Italy right now, though. I don't understand a thing people say. I cannot find a long-term partner here, I am under contract and will move away in the next few years.

 

[Linda]

I am an exceptionally ugly person, I think.
What you think doesn't matter. It's what other people think that matters, and there is no accounting for taste. But if looks are not your strong point, you have to compensate for that in other ways. What have you got to offer any potential partner?
If you live in a foreign country for more than a few months, you must learn the language. (The only exception would be if everybody speaks English, and that is not the case in Italy.) You are doing yourself no favors if you remain unable to speak Italian. It's a easy language to learn, so why not make the effort? (I have lived in many countries, and on this topic I speak from experience.)

 

[mossmoth]

I apologize, this is mostly a rant, not really a coherent response. i don't know why i'm posting this.

What you think doesn't matter. It's what other people think that matters, and there is no accounting for taste.

My brain is a weird thing. It is not rational. I guess that isn't weird, but to make my point- I am aware that everyone has preferences, and that it's hard to find a human being that is actually unattractive by looks alone. I would know, I used to draw 24/7, I loved drawing humans. I studied anatomy. Not just of pretty and fit people. I love people and humans and studying thd way muscles flex and skin stretches and fat settles, I really loved and appreciated it all and loved being able to draw it. It's a hard feeling to describe, but the point is, I don't have high standards for other people to be beautiful (not about "attractiveness"), yet i don't know how I see that for myself.

I've said "point is" two or three times now, but this will be the last- point is, my brain is not rational, and despite having a deep appreciation and understanding of the human body, i can't see myself as human. I geniunely, actually used to do sketch studies of my face to figure it out and it is so geniunely wrong even though nothing is ACTUALLY wrong. This is only reinforced by the fact that people do not want to talk to me. It is not for lack of trying, back in my home country at least.

But if looks are not your strong point, you have to compensate for that in other ways. What have you got to offer any potential partner?

I do not think i am currently in a good state of mind in order to think of a good answer. I think i was good at art when i still did it. and i have a good sense of humor in real life.

If you live in a foreign country for more than a few months, you must learn the language. (The only exception would be if everybody speaks English, and that is not the case in Italy.) You are doing yourself no favors if you remain unable to speak Italian. It's a easy language to learn, so why not make the effort? (I have lived in many countries, and on this topic I speak from experience.)

i am tired. I do not interact with the locals. at all. i don't go outside.

I tried to learn for about 8 months, I went to classes 5x a week and used a couple apps on my phone everyday. and i was immersed in the language and culture on a day-to-day basis. I truly gave up when I was getting groceries one day and I couldn't remember "thank you" even though i have read and heard it every day at that point. I ended up saying "thank you… eerrrr.. gracias- no, um… graciamo, no, sorry, gracie!"

i studied spanish for 6 years. I SHOULD have picked up Italian so easily. I KNOW how to study and learn a language. but my brain has been reduced to mush and i am really, really, really tired.

 

[Linda]

I apologize, this is mostly a rant, not really a coherent response. i don't know why i'm posting this.

My brain is a weird thing. It is not rational. I guess that isn't weird, but to make my point- I am aware that everyone has preferences, and that it's hard to find a human being that is actually unattractive by looks alone. I would know, I used to draw 24/7, I loved drawing humans. I studied anatomy. Not just of pretty and fit people. I love people and humans and studying thd way muscles flex and skin stretches and fat settles, I really loved and appreciated it all and loved being able to draw it. It's a hard feeling to describe, but the point is, I don't have high standards for other people to be beautiful (not about "attractiveness"), yet i don't know how I see that for myself.

I've said "point is" two or three times now, but this will be the last- point is, my brain is not rational, and despite having a deep appreciation and understanding of the human body, i can't see myself as human. I geniunely, actually used to do sketch studies of my face to figure it out and it is so geniunely wrong even though nothing is ACTUALLY wrong. This is only reinforced by the fact that people do not want to talk to me. It is not for lack of trying, back in my home country at least.



I do not think i am currently in a good state of mind in order to think of a good answer. I think i was good at art when i still did it. and i have a good sense of humor in real life.



i am tired. I do not interact with the locals. at all. i don't go outside.

I tried to learn for about 8 months, I went to classes 5x a week and used a couple apps on my phone everyday. and i was immersed in the language and culture on a day-to-day basis. I truly gave up when I was getting groceries one day and I couldn't remember "thank you" even though i have read and heard it every day at that point. I ended up saying "thank you… eerrrr.. gracias- no, um… graciamo, no, sorry, gracie!"

i studied spanish for 6 years. I SHOULD have picked up Italian so easily. I KNOW how to study and learn a language. but my brain has been reduced to mush and i am really, really, really tired.

I understand. You're going through a very difficult period, and it's hard to get out of it. I know what that's like. I've been there.
So long as you are in that state, you are not going to fix all your problems. But you probably could do small things that might help.
If you are deeply tired all the time, that might be some medical problem. (I had chronic fatigue for 10 years, so I've been there too.) For example, an underactive thyroid can drain away all your energy. Have you tried getting a thorough medical checkup?

 

[ghost-shock]

Do you have, or have you ever had a partner? For most people, that makes a big difference.
Back when I was 16, I was on a school exchange visit, and stayed for a week with the family of a girl my age in southern Maine. (She lived in a small place called North Berwick, if I recall corectly.) I related very well to her father (probably because he was so different from my own father), and I opened up to him about some of my own issues. One of the things he said has always stuck in my mind: You'll be alright when you have found a nice boy. Turns out that he was right.
I can't guarantee that having a good, long-term partner would make a difference for you, but my guess is that it would. It might even help a lot.

Of course you found it easy to find a partner, alot of us have gone our whole lives never experiencing love. Ive even seen women who are nearly middle aged not have had a partner (which is really rare, which makes it more isolating) not by choice as they were actively trying to find someone. It makes me feel more suicidal than i already am, its a reminder of why live is unlivable.

 

[Linda]

Of course you found it easy to find a partner, alot of us have gone our whole lives never experiencing love. Ive even seen women who are nearly middle aged not have had a partner (which is really rare, which makes it more isolating) not by choice as they were actively trying to find someone. It makes me feel more suicidal than i already am, its a reminder of why live is unlivable.

I didn't find the man who is now my husband until I was 30. I know perfectly well that finding a good partner is not easy. But that's no reason not to try.

 

[slightoverlooked]

Do you have, or have you ever had a partner? For most people, that makes a big difference.
Back when I was 16, I was on a school exchange visit, and stayed for a week with the family of a girl my age in southern Maine. (She lived in a small place called North Berwick, if I recall corectly.) I related very well to her father (probably because he was so different from my own father), and I opened up to him about some of my own issues. One of the things he said has always stuck in my mind: You'll be alright when you have found a nice boy. Turns out that he was right.
I can't guarantee that having a good, long-term partner would make a difference for you, but my guess is that it would. It might even help a lot.

at what age do you stop hoping for a partner and just ctb? sounds like life isnt worth living if you dont have a partner (which feels like that for me personally too rn since im almost 23 and have been single my whole life)

Of course you found it easy to find a partner, alot of us have gone our whole lives never experiencing love. Ive even seen women who are nearly middle aged not have had a partner (which is really rare, which makes it more isolating) not by choice as they were actively trying to find someone. It makes me feel more suicidal than i already am, its a reminder of why live is unlivable.

same. seeing those videos scare me sm. makes me think i should just ctb now instead of sitting and suffering

 

[mossmoth]

To me anyone should be able to ctb as we were forced into this world to begin with so its fair to leave life at any point. No one should be forced to do anything. Also you can't regret dying cus you can't feel anything in non-existence which also means no suffering. Life isn't guaranteed to get better and could stay as bad or get even worse so it should be up to the person whether they want to risk continuing life or to attempt a suicide.

I agree with this.

Also, your pfp is cool. I had a 4 year special interest in Omori and it still holds a special place in my heart.

 

[Cress]

If you want to be objective about it the reason people Don't generally agree with it has to do with Something called "rational Suicide" and "Unrational Suicide".

Someone who's had a arm amputated or suffering from terrible Medical conditions or life circumstances People can easily see how you reach the very rational decision to want to take your own life. If these circumstances don't exist in some way people tend to think that things are a lot more fixable and correctable and they don't view the suicide as rational and it's hard for them to empathize. Especially with things like bipolar depression where people have no way of seeing your internal anguish.