I am not sure if I want to live, but I am very sure of wanting to ctb.

[frommolecules2stars]

It's kind of contradicting. And also confusing. But I think people on this forum will understand.

Living has so many factors for me. For starters, I'm transsexual which is a living nightmare. It is impossible for me to enjoy my life unless I'm fully dissociated or high on drugs. And I feel as if my life won't even start until I fully transition. Being in such a body that is just wrong.. how can anyone function like that? I can't. Then there's all of the hassle of trying to transition: money, government, society, alienation. Then there's the climate catastrophe. Then there's the abuse and inherent trauma from living that I've experienced. The fact that there's no way to guarantee your life will go the way you want to, and there's always going to be pain and suffering. And after all of that, assuming a personal philosophy such as moral nihilism where I just don't care.. well society would label me to be a psychopath.

And death, well, it's simple. You just find a solid method, get over your SI and go through with it. Everything is over. No more existence. No more suffering.

But outsiders will see me enjoy something out of life and say, "See?! He's happy! He's enjoying life! There could still be regret!"

No. Not anymore. Dying and death are guaranteed. Having a good life isn't. The few pros are not worth the mountain-sized of cons.

 

[pauly369]

Society is horribly narrow - minded and devoid of empathy when it comes to understanding that some people are born in the wrong body.
Operations should be granted free on humanitarian grounds.
Man - made religions and societal brainwashing have caused so much misery, including frowning upon people who genuinly dont want to live anymore.
Fuck them all.

 

[Freebandzgang]

I always wonder if i decide to keep living will my life consist of more pain than pleasure? I think the pain will be much greater than any pleasure or happiness.

 

[frommolecules2stars]

I always wonder if i decide to keep living will my life consist of more pain than pleasure? I think the pain will be much greater than any pleasure or happiness.

Yup. There is no way of knowing what our outcomes will be, but we do know our present. I think more people should make decisions on what is rather than what could be.

Also, you're the person who talked about research chemicals right? I found your guide. It was really helpful so thank you for making it. I was planning on using SN, but I've always wanted to ctb using opioids and sedatives instead.