Venting I can’t do it

[Willowherb]

I can't do it.
I know it's si but it's still so frustrating.
I can end my life by tomorrow morning, but I know that that won't be happening.
My life is not getting any better, so why am I clinging to it so badly ? I'm so sick of living but I can't do anything remotely close to an attempt.
I'm so fucking sick of being stuck in this loophole of suicidality. I can't take it anymore yet I can't do anything about it either, so why did I even get born into this hell of a life ?
life's so goddamn unfair
Why wasn't my life given to someone who'd actually be appreciative of it ?
People would kill for the "heaven" I'm living in
Free health care
Free education
A safe neighborhood
A stable job
A well built social circle
And yet here I am throwing it all away
I should just kill myself
But surprise surprise, I'm such a coward…