I can't take it anymore

[scaredalone]

Been fighting for so long I've lost every single part of me. There is nothing left. Just a soulless corpse marching forward. I'm bored of everything. No hope for a new tomorrow.
I pray for death. No one can help me and I can't help myself

 

[Namelesa]

This thread is probably best put in Suicide Discussion as you are not wanting to recover but its completely valid to want death, especially when we have struggled for so long and barley or nothing has improved I hope you are able to get out of your suffering one way or another.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Welcome to the reality of depression and trying to get through the hardest steps of life. I truly wish people could just take their time, talk with us, let us be on our own, re-discover yourselves, come back to us, and equally just be there especially as we just need a push through the hardest parts of life, but they don't. You would need — more than anything — time for yourself, and trust me, it isn't your own fault for losing this battle, but the world's for putting it on you, and right now, you can only see how you move through it, and I've tried, I gave up, and that's okay when you do, too, because you find revalidation in the choice you now made, and if this is what you want, find the strength for that day and never stop giving up <3

 

[scaredalone]

This thread is probably best put in Suicide Discussion as you are not wanting to recover but its completely valid to want death, especially when we have struggled for so long and barley or nothing has improved I hope you are able to get out of your suffering one way or another.

In my heart of hearts I don't want to die, as this would be admitting defeat. But I'm not being given any option. I think I'm just going to try to pass my exams to get into university to prove that I was capable of it after all these years of torment. Then I can kill myself knowing I won in some respect. But for me, I don't even know how to kill myself nor do I have the funds, equipment or practical knowledge.

I've done some research on this site but I just don't know how to do it. I tried the tie thing but I have no idea how to work that nor how painful it would be. Plus the exit bag thing is too complicated for me.

Sometimes I just think I could make it a while as an alcoholic, but again I would need a lot of money for that, I wouldn't like how fat I would become either. It's really uncomfortable.

What sucks is the few times I cry I feel nothing at all. I'm so traumatised and gone from this world already. Physical death would just be finishing the job.