I don't know how i got here

[skyofAuroras]

I've had depression and anxiety for a long time, but I dont know how it happened. I wish I could say something traumatic happened to trigger it. I have been through things in my life but it I don't think anything could have caused this. I wish there was a reason why. It sucks not knowing. Despite not having a good reason, I feel like I'm living and I'm borrowed time. Like I should have died the first try. I wish I had a reason for all of this.

 

[Death_From_Above]

If the uncertainty is unsettling, I think that would be good reason to rather try and remedy your situation. Perhaps counseling could help shed light on your mood, and possibly restore a more positive outlook.

If the reasons become clear, and you feel they are justified, then I would say you have better agency to address it in whatever manner may suit the motivation

 

[Life sucks]

I think its not limited to traumas. Maybe some can be triggered biologically or by accumulation of small factors. Its hard to explain but for some people, they have it but it waits to come out. Routines in work or studying also can make one depressed for example. There could be many reasons that doesn't look big.

If you have good circumstances, you can do hobbies or something you enjoy and probably can get medications or something that helps you.

 

[skyofAuroras]

I think its not limited to traumas. Maybe some can be triggered biologically or by accumulation of small factors. Its hard to explain but for some people, they have it but it waits to come out. Routines in work or studying also can make one depressed for example. There could be many reasons that doesn't look big.

If you have good circumstances, you can do hobbies or something you enjoy and probably can get medications or something that helps you.

I have been on meds for a few months now but they haven't really helped. They're just to keep me stable, not well. I've also been doing therapy, but despite all that I still feel done. Nothing really gives me any joy. Like I said in my post I've been dealing with this for years. I find it difficult to believe it's just biological factors, but if it is then I guess I was just unlucky.

 

[Life sucks]

I have been on meds for a few months now but they haven't really helped. They're just to keep me stable, not well. I've also been doing therapy, but despite all that I still feel done. Nothing really gives me any joy. Like I said in my post I've been dealing with this for years. I find it difficult to believe it's just biological factors, but if it is then I guess I was just unlucky.

Its not limited to biological factors. I said also there are many factors that don't look big. Everyone makes life looks like a candy while its not. Many of the tiny details can make one depressed. Studying for example can make depression but not every student will be depressed, apply this to the many things in life and there will be many reasons. Not to mention how life itself can be depressing, even if one has extremely good conditions, depression can occur. So its most likely a mixture of many factors. But there are always the tiny or subliminal details, accumulated with time and they can make it happen.

You know more about yourself and your decision about life or not and you are the only one that can decide. If you have anhedonia, there are ways but sadly long term to deal with it.

I'm not talking without experience but having 12+ years of depression and other problems. Not to say that I compare but just that I'm not alien to the topic. I had many problems before that but regardless of that, it just happened to me at a random point like suddenly falling from sky and not related to the previous problems. I precisely remember when it happened. I stopped asking myself why or if, this life is all about uncontrollable factors that affects us.