Venting I hate that my life is so good

[plast1c_sk1n]

I've never gone through any serious trauma.
I have an objectively good life.
I got into the top school for my program.
I always go out and have fun when I want.
I have loving friends and family.
But I wish I didn't so I could at least have a reason for being the way I am.
Every single day I want to die. I can't remember a single time in my life I've ever wanted to live. Even when nothings wrong, I've just never had a will to live at all. Because what's the point?
I wish I didn't have any friends or family who cared about me so that I could just die in peace.
I hate that my death would hurt so many people.
I wish everybody could just forget about me

Do normal people really have a will to live? They really go through every single day and every daily inconvenience and still truly genuinely want to live? I can't even imagine it. Aren't we all just living because we have to? But if we're all just living because we have to then wouldn't it be best to all just give up

 

[Cauliflour]

Damn this is relatable. I'm sure you have some sort of reason, deep down in your brain. Work it out, figure out what that reason is. Once you have it figured out, you can plan your next steps more effectively. It's easier to climb down a mountain if you know how you got up in the first place. Don't know how one would find out said reason but I'm sure someone much smarter than me can give advice in the replies.

 

[nuva]

damn, this feeling is so familiar.
It always makes me feel disconnected from everyone else and the world in general.
everyone is enjoying their life, making plans for the future, they don't have to force themselves to shower. And here I am, who just decided one day that going outside is too hard and it's better to stay in bed 24/7.
what's worse is that I have no idea if there's something wrong with me or if this is normal for people and they're just masking their condition.

 

[ravenx]

Only problem i have is my stupid face. Im so horrid.

 

[TBONTB]

I've never gone through any serious trauma.
I have an objectively good life.
I got into the top school for my program.
I always go out and have fun when I want.
I have loving friends and family.
But I wish I didn't so I could at least have a reason for being the way I am.
Every single day I want to die. I can't remember a single time in my life I've ever wanted to live. Even when nothings wrong, I've just never had a will to live at all. Because what's the point?
I wish I didn't have any friends or family who cared about me so that I could just die in peace.
I hate that my death would hurt so many people.
I wish everybody could just forget about me

Do normal people really have a will to live? They really go through every single day and every daily inconvenience and still truly genuinely want to live? I can't even imagine it. Aren't we all just living because we have to? But if we're all just living because we have to then wouldn't it be best to all just give up

That's a lot of pain. Sorry you are having it. I'm sure this isn't a new idea but you didnt mention a psychiatrist or medication? Can they help you answer that question, or decide what to do about it better than we can? Since you've deciddd to try to stick around, if someone can lessen your misery?

I don't at all mean to be dismissive about the depth of your pain, I know it's just as real as someone who is having all the bad things happen. And I don't mean to be a cheerleader. Sending wishes for kindnesss

 

[Defenestration]

Je n'ai jamais vécu de traumatisme grave.
J'ai une vie objectivement bonne.
J'ai été admis dans la meilleure école pour mon programme.
Je sors toujours et je m'amuse quand je le souhaite.
J'ai des amis et une famille aimants.
Mais j'aurais préféré ne pas le faire pour avoir au moins une raison d'être comme je suis.
Chaque jour, je veux mourir. Je ne me souviens pas d'un seul moment de ma vie où j'ai voulu vivre. Même quand tout va bien, je n'ai jamais eu envie de vivre. Parce que, à quoi bon ?
J'aurais aimé ne pas avoir d'amis ou de famille qui se soucient de moi pour pouvoir mourir en paix.
Je déteste que ma mort puisse blesser autant de personnes.
J'aimerais que tout le monde puisse m'oublier

Les gens normaux ont-ils vraiment envie de vivre ? Ils traversent chaque jour et chaque épreuve et pourtant, ils veulent vraiment vivre ? Je n'arrive même pas à l'imaginer. Ne vivons-nous pas tous simplement parce qu'il le faut ? Mais si nous vivons tous simplement parce qu'il le faut, ne serait-il pas préférable d'abandonner ?

Same

 

[plast1c_sk1n]

damn, this feeling is so familiar.
It always makes me feel disconnected from everyone else and the world in general.
everyone is enjoying their life, making plans for the future, they don't have to force themselves to shower. And here I am, who just decided one day that going outside is too hard and it's better to stay in bed 24/7.
what's worse is that I have no idea if there's something wrong with me or if this is normal for people and they're just masking their condition.

right?? i wonder if maybe everyone feels this way. but then why do we all continue to go on? i cant understand it at all
i always think abt it when watching zombie apocalypse movies or smt like that. its insane that the characters want to live so badly even in that situation. are there real people who actually have a will to live so strong that theyd fight to survive no matter what?

That's a lot of pain. Sorry you are having it. I'm sure this isn't a new idea but you didnt mention a psychiatrist or medication? Can they help you answer that question, or decide what to do about it better than we can? Since you've deciddd to try to stick around, if someone can lessen your misery?

I don't at all mean to be dismissive about the depth of your pain, I know it's just as real as someone who is having all the bad things happen. And I don't mean to be a cheerleader. Sending wishes for kindnesss

I've tried therapy and medication before, unfortunately nothing's really worked at all. i worry that maybe it didn't work bcus theres not actually anything wrong with me. like if you gave a healthy person cold medicine nothing would happen because they didnt have a cold in the first place. maybe thats why the antidepressants didnt work? because im actually fine?
i do want to try therapy again though. i think that last time i went to therapy i was too stubborn and had too much going on. maybe now that ive had a slight shift in mentality things will work out better? i think i'll try talking to the school counsellor when i go to college this year

 

[StupidCat]

I can help by making it worse.

 

[nuva]

right?? i wonder if maybe everyone feels this way. but then why do we all continue to go on? i cant understand it at all
i always think abt it when watching zombie apocalypse movies or smt like that. its insane that the characters want to live so badly even in that situation. are there real people who actually have a will to live so strong that theyd fight to survive no matter what?

RIGHT
like, if this is what most normal people experience, then what's the point of living like this?? It sounds more like torture.

If it were a zombie apocalypse, the terrifying prospect of becoming a real walking dead would motivate me to keep running. Like, no peace even after death... Sucks

 

[TBONTB]

right?? i wonder if maybe everyone feels this way. but then why do we all continue to go on? i cant understand it at all
i always think abt it when watching zombie apocalypse movies or smt like that. its insane that the characters want to live so badly even in that situation. are there real people who actually have a will to live so strong that theyd fight to survive no matter what?

I've tried therapy and medication before, unfortunately nothing's really worked at all. i worry that maybe it didn't work bcus theres not actually anything wrong with me. like if you gave a healthy person cold medicine nothing would happen because they didnt have a cold in the first place. maybe thats why the antidepressants didnt work? because im actually fine?
i do want to try therapy again though. i think that last time i went to therapy i was too stubborn and had too much going on. maybe now that ive had a slight shift in mentality things will work out better? i think i'll try talking to the school counsellor when i go to college this year

Sounds like a good thing to try.

 

[plast1c_sk1n]

RIGHT
like, if this is what most normal people experience, then what's the point of living like this?? It sounds more like torture.

If it were a zombie apocalypse, the terrifying prospect of becoming a real walking dead would motivate me to keep running. Like, no peace even after death... Sucks

frfr, why are we forcing ourselves every day to go through life when we all agree that it's hard? even for people who have good lives. having to think about what to eat every day, having to go to work and make money and pay taxes, having to clean your house and mow your lawn, having to wash your hair and brush your teeth. even tiny things like that make life not worth it to me. how can people genuinely want to live? and i don't understand people who say "life is worth living bcus of the things u enjoy" or "if i die ill never get to do this or that or watch this or listen to that" bcus... i mean if im dead i wont know?? so why does it matter?? i cant have any regrets once im dead anyway

and abt the zombie apocalypse, i see it as "id rather kms instead of die a gruesome death at the hands of a zombie" maybe id go die somewhere in the ocean where im unlikely to be infected

 

[nuva]

It's a little frustrating and annoying that people are constantly trying to motivate you to live, then u don't want this. Because I understand why someone might be grateful for their life. And it's so unfair that they can't do the same and understand that someone doesn't want to live. Like, I often hear from others how hard it is to live right now. So why are they still judging those who don't want to live in these difficult times?

Back to the zombie topic.. I would be willing to go through a long journey of survival only if at the end I could get to a perfect place where I can find peace although if the zombie type is anything other than those slow dudes from "The Walking Dead", i'll probably just kill myself with the first thing that comes to hand. i'm not going to do the hardcore level.

 

[oatmeal.n]

I've never gone through any serious trauma.
I have an objectively good life.
I got into the top school for my program.
I always go out and have fun when I want.
I have loving friends and family.
But I wish I didn't so I could at least have a reason for being the way I am.
Every single day I want to die. I can't remember a single time in my life I've ever wanted to live. Even when nothings wrong, I've just never had a will to live at all. Because what's the point?
I wish I didn't have any friends or family who cared about me so that I could just die in peace.
I hate that my death would hurt so many people.
I wish everybody could just forget about me

Do normal people really have a will to live? They really go through every single day and every daily inconvenience and still truly genuinely want to live? I can't even imagine it. Aren't we all just living because we have to? But if we're all just living because we have to then wouldn't it be best to all just give up

i have similar struggles. ive never gone through any traumatic incidents that changed my life, even in the slightest. ive been suicidal since i was a teen. meds as well. i developed horrible derealization and its only gotten worse. it seems to get better, then 180°s and destroys me. i have no will to do anything. im just waiting for my ctb date to arrive, planning and all that bs.

this to say that i understand. SI is horrible. depression is horrible. mental illness is horrible. i dont know if you've tried mental health services, meds, or anything like that, but it could improve your life a little. reach out if you need anything. i really enjoy these posts because they hit close to home.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

My life has had a lot of good experiences, I wish I didn't have friends and that my family hated me just so it would be easier for me to ctb

 

[plast1c_sk1n]

It's a little frustrating and annoying that people are constantly trying to motivate you to live, then u don't want this. Because I understand why someone might be grateful for their life. And it's so unfair that they can't do the same and understand that someone doesn't want to live. Like, I often hear from others how hard it is to live right now. So why are they still judging those who don't want to live in these difficult times?

Back to the zombie topic.. I would be willing to go through a long journey of survival only if at the end I could get to a perfect place where I can find peace although if the zombie type is anything other than those slow dudes from "The Walking Dead", i'll probably just kill myself with the first thing that comes to hand. i'm not going to do the hardcore level.

Agree, I can't stand when people say suicide is selfish because I think forcing someone to stay alive for your own sake is just as selfish.

And fair point with the zombie apocalypse thing. It's true that peace might be easier to find in an apocalypse if you manage to get somewhere with nobody else. Apocalypse means no more taxes or responsibilities of any kind!

i have similar struggles. ive never gone through any traumatic incidents that changed my life, even in the slightest. ive been suicidal since i was a teen. meds as well. i developed horrible derealization and its only gotten worse. it seems to get better, then 180°s and destroys me. i have no will to do anything. im just waiting for my ctb date to arrive, planning and all that bs.

this to say that i understand. SI is horrible. depression is horrible. mental illness is horrible. i dont know if you've tried mental health services, meds, or anything like that, but it could improve your life a little. reach out if you need anything. i really enjoy these posts because they hit close to home.

Completely feel you. I've tried therapy & medication in the past but nothing's really worked. Going to keep trying though, I think I've had a slight shift in mentality since my last time talking to a therapist so maybe things will go better this time. I hope things get better for you too

 

[zardoz]

Humans are biologically evolved to think like that; to want to live despite all the logic and evidence shouting out that it's pointless.
We can't help it. It just they way the genes and chemicals that make us and our brains up work.

It's how evolution works; it is self propagating - it causes us to live on (albeit in blind ignorance) and go on to produce more of itself through the process of natural selection (evolution).
The alternative, a random departure in genetic makeup and thinking that causes us to feel like the way you describe, or to truly see the pointless of it all, is not so successful in evolutionary terms, ie. it does not go on to make more of itself compared to the "normal" people and their makeup. Simply because it does not produce the same level of drive to want to live.

Maybe this departure from the norm could be thought of as a form of enlightenment; maybe we are the ones who truly "get it".
The pointlessness of life and the blinkered ignorance of this by the mass population is something I feel all the time too.
We are not alone though, many people do feel like this, it's just the mainstream world doesn't get it, or us. I try not to despair over this, and try to be proud that I see the truth.

Evolutionists also apply this same logic to belief in religion. The well known evolutionist Richard Dawkins famously describes religious belief as a form of mental illness caused by self-propagating faulty genes.

 

[plast1c_sk1n]

Humans are biologically evolved to think like that; to want to live despite all the logic and evidence shouting out that it's pointless.
We can't help it. It just they way the genes and chemicals that make us and our brains up work.

It's how evolution works; it is self propagating - it causes us to live on (albeit in blind ignorance) and go on to produce more of itself through the process of natural selection (evolution).
The alternative, a random departure in genetic makeup and thinking that causes us to feel like the way you describe, to truly see the pointless of it all, is not so successful in evolutionary terms, ie. it does not go on to make more of itself compared to the "normal" people and their makeup. Simply because it does not produce the same level of drive to want to live, despite the pointlessness of it.

Maybe this departure from the norm could be thought of as a form of enlightenment; maybe we are the ones who truly "get it".
The pointlessness of life and the blinkered ignorance of this by the mass population is something I feel all the time too.
We are not alone though, many people do feel like this, it's just the mainstream world doesn't get it, or us. I try not to despair over this, and try to be proud that I see the truth.

Evolutionists also apply this same logic to belief in religion. The well known evolutionist Richard Dawkins famously describes religious belief as a form of mental illness caused by self-propagating faulty genes.

Ah I think I like that way of thinking. I'm glad you're able to see it as people like us being different in a good way. Unfortunately I do often see stupid people who seem to be having the time of their life and think if only I could be so stupid to never think of any of this.
And for religion, I think it's kind of all just a desperate need for a reason for everything. Because nobody wants to be like us and acknowledge that there's truly not a single point to anything we do. So they have to come up with all sorts of reasons to keep going. It's all just delusion and they call it faith. I'm always shocked when I find out that very intelligent people are religious. It's another thing I can't wrap my mind around.

 

[zardoz]

Humans are biologically evolved to think like that; to want to live despite all the logic and evidence shouting out that it's pointless.
We can't help it. It just they way the genes and chemicals that make us and our brains up work.

It's how evolution works; it is self propagating - it causes us to live on (albeit in blind ignorance) and go on to produce more of itself through the process of natural selection (evolution).
The alternative, a random departure in genetic makeup and thinking that causes us to feel like the way you describe, or to truly see the pointless of it all, is not so successful in evolutionary terms, ie. it does not go on to make more of itself compared to the "normal" people and their makeup. Simply because it does not produce the same level of drive to want to live.

Maybe this departure from the norm could be thought of as a form of enlightenment; maybe we are the ones who truly "get it".
The pointlessness of life and the blinkered ignorance of this by the mass population is something I feel all the time too.
We are not alone though, many people do feel like this, it's just the mainstream world doesn't get it, or us. I try not to despair over this, and try to be proud that I see the truth.

Evolutionists also apply this same logic to belief in religion. The well known evolutionist Richard Dawkins famously describes religious belief as a form of mental illness caused by self-propagating faulty genes.

if you haven't come across his work, many of Richard Dawkins books are worth a read. The Selfish Gene, The Blind Watchmaker, The God Delusion, and lots more. Agree or disagree, he explains a lot of why we think the way we do in evolutionary/biological terms.

Ah I think I like that way of thinking. I'm glad you're able to see it as people like us being different in a good way. Unfortunately I do often see stupid people who seem to be having the time of their life and think if only I could be so stupid to never think of any of this.
And for religion, I think it's kind of all just a desperate need for a reason for everything. Because nobody wants to be like us and acknowledge that there's truly not a single point to anything we do. So they have to come up with all sorts of reasons to keep going. It's all just delusion and they call it faith. I'm always shocked when I find out that very intelligent people are religious. It's another thing I can't wrap my mind around.

I agree. Unfortunately our intelligence/enlightenment whatever you want to call it is also our curse.
I too wish I could live in blissful happy ignorance of it all, like everyone else seems to, but I can't.
Correction; like most people do, many people feel like this way too. Ask around (IRL), you might be surprised!
I don't think I've ever met a very intelligent person with religious belief. The blinkered blind faith they have in a divine creator is something I just can't get my head around either, and for me kind of snuffs out any other traits of intelligence they may exhibit. Just my opinion.