
SomewhatLoved
I now know the depths I reach are limitless
- Apr 12, 2023
- 433
I've seen a lot of people online have this rhetoric towards depression, mental illness, substance abuse, etc, that everything is ok "as long as you're alive". For example, if someone falls back on bad habits like self-isolation, laying in bed all day, not doing house chores, bad hygiene, or if someone relapses into substance abuse, etc, they will be told "it's ok, you're still alive". Almost as if life is this thing that's just always positive and valuable. It feels irrational. Why does it matter if we're alive when we are completely dissatisfied in every way with our lives, and despite putting in effort each day, we still fail and don't live up to our goals?
It feels almost irrational to me. It is my belief that there are circumstances in which it is genuinely a bad thing to be alive, and that sometimes it would be better to be dead. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, and a lot of people here probably feel similarly and are held back only because suicide is difficult/inaccessible, or other similar reasons.
I have been struggling with some of the same issues since I was like 8 or 9 years old, and I'm tired of it. I've tried. I think if someone offered me a pill that would kill me peacefully or the guarantee that if I kept working I could be happy, I would honestly prefer the pill. I've been through a lot of shit that I wish I didn't have to, and I carry scars with me that will forever affect the extent to which I can live the rest of my life how I want to. Trauma is permanent and all you can do is cope with it. I don't really want to cope with this shit for another 10, 20, 40, or more years.
It feels almost irrational to me. It is my belief that there are circumstances in which it is genuinely a bad thing to be alive, and that sometimes it would be better to be dead. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, and a lot of people here probably feel similarly and are held back only because suicide is difficult/inaccessible, or other similar reasons.
I have been struggling with some of the same issues since I was like 8 or 9 years old, and I'm tired of it. I've tried. I think if someone offered me a pill that would kill me peacefully or the guarantee that if I kept working I could be happy, I would honestly prefer the pill. I've been through a lot of shit that I wish I didn't have to, and I carry scars with me that will forever affect the extent to which I can live the rest of my life how I want to. Trauma is permanent and all you can do is cope with it. I don't really want to cope with this shit for another 10, 20, 40, or more years.