Unbearable Mr. Bear
Sometimes, all I need is a hug...
- May 9, 2025
- 131
Reading words meant to make me better, they make me worse and pull me into a hole. Am I a porn addict? Why do I care? Why is there a 50 page guide on quitting porn, that ends on a freaking "semen saving" website? Why? WHY?
Why do I feel like everything I do is wrong? Everything is wrong, the way I sleep, the way I play, the way I fucking masturbate, the things I like...one word against me and I'm questioning my entire life! Why can't I have a modicum of confidence? Why do I need so much support. Why don't I feel anything when people help?
I don't wanna die. No, I wanna be happy in this life, I want to force myself to be happy. That's why I masturbate. Why, why does nothing else work? Why do I have to drug myself? Why am I even complaining, it feels great...unless people tell me I should stop.
Like a frail fortress on a muddy hill, any opposition will crumble me. I'm just a little idiot searching for a way to be happy forever and all I'm finding is porn. I wasted myself so much, and yet, if I didn't, would it matter? Why do I even care anymore, I just want to stop doing things and let myself rot in my bed. Shit myself, piss myself, until I just die. Or maybe not, maybe I think I just deserve the punishment.
Maybe that's why I still live. I want to punish myself, to leash my body until blood bleeds out. I deserve pain, I must learn to love it, to want it. It's the only way I can enjoy this life. Is that it? Maybe it's just what I feel, punishment and pain, and I'm trying desperately to transform it into pleasure. To rewire my brain to like my mediocre existence.
And yet, despite all that, I crave so much attention and love. I crave the soft smile, the firm hug. Like a crazy dual-minded freak, I want both, and neither, and yet I have it. Inside my mind palace, where everything Is in my control. I go there so much...it's so comfortable, so nice. The only place I feel good about.
Reality was a mistake.
Why do I feel like everything I do is wrong? Everything is wrong, the way I sleep, the way I play, the way I fucking masturbate, the things I like...one word against me and I'm questioning my entire life! Why can't I have a modicum of confidence? Why do I need so much support. Why don't I feel anything when people help?
I don't wanna die. No, I wanna be happy in this life, I want to force myself to be happy. That's why I masturbate. Why, why does nothing else work? Why do I have to drug myself? Why am I even complaining, it feels great...unless people tell me I should stop.
Like a frail fortress on a muddy hill, any opposition will crumble me. I'm just a little idiot searching for a way to be happy forever and all I'm finding is porn. I wasted myself so much, and yet, if I didn't, would it matter? Why do I even care anymore, I just want to stop doing things and let myself rot in my bed. Shit myself, piss myself, until I just die. Or maybe not, maybe I think I just deserve the punishment.
Maybe that's why I still live. I want to punish myself, to leash my body until blood bleeds out. I deserve pain, I must learn to love it, to want it. It's the only way I can enjoy this life. Is that it? Maybe it's just what I feel, punishment and pain, and I'm trying desperately to transform it into pleasure. To rewire my brain to like my mediocre existence.
And yet, despite all that, I crave so much attention and love. I crave the soft smile, the firm hug. Like a crazy dual-minded freak, I want both, and neither, and yet I have it. Inside my mind palace, where everything Is in my control. I go there so much...it's so comfortable, so nice. The only place I feel good about.
Reality was a mistake.
