Story I keep a gun on me in case I ever have an episode

[Isaaccove]

Have y'all ever seen that episode of family guy where Stewie and Brian were trapped in the vault together? Stewie discovers Brian has a gun and in an uncanny few minutes the show takes a very serious turn as Brian explains he carrys it around in case he ever wants to commit suicide… That's exactly what this is- but different

Context: I had an extremely dark childhood to say the least. Without getting into too much detail, I had a long history of suicidal ideation that just kinda became normal over time. But during a few months when I was 16, I had become so entrouched in psychosis for a time that my "normal" suicidal ideation turned into something else. I had thought about suicide so often throughout my life at this point that it has mutated my mind and became "part" of who I am. I had developed Suicidal OCD- an unofficial subtype of harm OCD- this is my *second* darkest secret (Only my therapist knows about me having suicidal OCD). But there is something even she doesn't know.

Now this plagued me for a long while but… in a weird way- I had come to accept it- but that didn't mean it stopped bothering me. Therapy had helped me realize that it was related to control. I had so little control over so much of my life that suicide ended up looking like the best most powerful way to gain control back- which is ultimately why I developed "it". Now here's what I didn't tell anyone… I managed to get a gun (yeah- bad gun laws for my state definitely).

Now I realize this is a horrible thing and I'm not exactly happy about it- BUT I had suspicions that this would be oddly therapeutic. To my amazement… it is. It helps me keep myself in check and if I'm ever having an "episode" I'm able to reassure myself that I can go another day since I have the option to off myself whenever I want. Obviously I haven't told anyone this and maybe never will…

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that for many people it can be comforting having the option of a method right there as they don't feel trapped in this world anymore. Wanting to keep a method by your side is perfectly understandable. I do think that suicide is the best way to die as I would rather exit at a time of my own choosing rather than a time out of my control. Death is inevitable for us all, after all so to me it's better to exit when the time is right. Best wishes.

 

[Fabioben]

Have y'all ever seen that episode of family guy where Stewie and Brian were trapped in the vault together? Stewie discovers Brian has a gun and in an uncanny few minutes the show takes a very serious turn as Brian explains he carrys it around in case he ever wants to commit suicide… That's exactly what this is- but different

Context: I had an extremely dark childhood to say the least. Without getting into too much detail, I had a long history of suicidal ideation that just kinda became normal over time. But during a few months when I was 16, I had become so entrouched in psychosis for a time that my "normal" suicidal ideation turned into something else. I had thought about suicide so often throughout my life at this point that it has mutated my mind and became "part" of who I am. I had developed Suicidal OCD- an unofficial subtype of harm OCD- this is my *second* darkest secret (Only my therapist knows about me having suicidal OCD). But there is something even she doesn't know.

Now this plagued me for a long while but… in a weird way- I had come to accept it- but that didn't mean it stopped bothering me. Therapy had helped me realize that it was related to control. I had so little control over so much of my life that suicide ended up looking like the best most powerful way to gain control back- which is ultimately why I developed "it". Now here's what I didn't tell anyone… I managed to get a gun (yeah- bad gun laws for my state definitely).

Now I realize this is a horrible thing and I'm not exactly happy about it- BUT I had suspicions that this would be oddly therapeutic. To my amazement… it is. It helps me keep myself in check and if I'm ever having an "episode" I'm able to reassure myself that I can go another day since I have the option to off myself whenever I want. Obviously I haven't told anyone this and maybe never will…

What state are you from? I would rather live there than my gun control obsessed state.

 

[actual_fox]

Now I realize this is a horrible thing and I'm not exactly happy about it- BUT I had suspicions that this would be oddly therapeutic. To my amazement… it is. It helps me keep myself in check and if I'm ever having an "episode" I'm able to reassure myself that I can go another day since I have the option to off myself whenever I want. Obviously I haven't told anyone this and maybe never will…

Please be careful to use vpn in case some pro lifer wants to find you and "save you" by putting you in mental institution.

What state are you from? I would rather live there than my gun control obsessed state.

Why do you even need to know where he from? Just use google. Please be careful of what info you ask for. It is a big no no to ask those things on here

 

[Ashmedai]

I'm incredibly lucky to live in a country where buying a gun is that easy. If I only had this opportunity I would have done long before.

 

[Fabioben]

Please be careful to use vpn in case some pro lifer wants to find you and "save you" by putting you in mental institution.

Why do you even need to know where he from? Just use google. Please be careful of what info you ask for. It is a big no no to ask those things on hereaimply becaus

Please be careful to use vpn in case some pro lifer wants to find you and "save you" by putting you in mental institution.

Why do you even need to know where he from? Just use google. Please be careful of what info you ask for. It is a big no no to ask those things on here

You're so funny. It was just a simple question given that I also bought a gun and unfortunately I'm from a very hardline gun control state. I don't need to do research on that matter because I'm not planning to move anytime soon and I'm dying soon anyway. I just wanted to relate to someone who is also planning to ctb the same way. Don't get so triggered for no reason. Are you even from the US? If not, then what's it to you? If you're paranoid, be relieved most Americans don't even know your country. What site have you been on this whole time? A lot of users have asked me where I'm from and I've seen no issue with telling them. Likewise there are so many threads where people ask each other where they're from. There's probably hundreds. Go harass them as well.
Pro lifers can't put me in an institution unless I tell them I actually intend to do something against myself. They're less competent than you give them credit for. We're not that important. Get over yourself. If they are able to ignore you for months when seeking basic therapy, trust me they'll not be bothering to check what you post.

 

[actual_fox]

You're so funny.

Because of all the things you could relate to you choose location for no reason. You having no problem telling people where you live, doesn't mean others should feel about It the same way as you do. Now you telling me I am triggered yet I am calm and you tell me I am "funny" and to "get over myself". Maybe you are not pro lifer but It does not mean you can get sensitive information from people.

 

[FrozenMango]

I don't recommend having a loaded gun on you or near to you when you are not ready to do it. CTB requires planning especially if you use a gun because the consequences of failure are severe. I have a gun and feel comfortable keeping it unloaded in a gun safe

I deeply relate to what you said about having little control. It drives me crazy. I plan my life around my circumstances and unexpected problems. I rarely get a break

 

[Fabioben]

Because of all the things you could relate to you choose location for no reason. You having no problem telling people where you live, doesn't mean others should feel about It the same way as you do. Now you telling me I am triggered yet I am calm and you tell me I am "funny" and to "get over myself". Maybe you are not pro lifer but It does not mean you can get sensitive information from people.

Honestly, I never asked for sensitive information so you need to chill. And also, my reply wasn't even directed to you so you're the only one who probably considered it sensitive to begin with. And if the original author found it so, then they can just not answer (as they have) and that's ok.
You're the one who made this a big deal for no fucking reason and assumed the worst of my conversation (again) for no damn reason.
So unless you're the original author of this post and are using a different account (which is also against the guidelines), I don't see what any of this has to do with you.
So do yourself a favor and maybe go monitor and censor some other threads where people are openly discussing their nationalities and what not (it's called socializing it you didn't know btw) and then come back to this one.

 

[makethepainstop]

Why I strongly recommend doing this. I have a carry permit so I keep a delightful 45cal Derringer with me. I prefer sn as it doesn't leave quite the mess that blowing out brains does! But if something happens that I can't handle or deal with...... BANG! Always have a backup plan B and C if your serious.

 

[actual_fox]

Honestly, I never asked for sensitive information so you need to chill. And also, my reply wasn't even directed to you so you're the only one who probably considered it sensitive to begin with. And if the original author found it so, then they can just not answer (as they have) and that's ok.
You're the one who made this a big deal for no fucking reason and assumed the worst of my conversation (again) for no damn reason.
So unless you're the original author of this post and are using a different account (which is also against the guidelines), I don't see what any of this has to do with you.
So do yourself a favor and maybe go monitor and censor some other threads where people are openly discussing their nationalities and what not (it's called socializing it you didn't know btw) and then come back to this one.

stay mad

 

[Fabioben]

stay mad

Haha lol I'm chill. i think the only one who's mad and making a big deal about everything is you I'm going away soon one way or another while you'll still be stuck here bitter and suffering. So to that I can only say that I pity you and feel sorry for you. bye.