Hi everyone,
I'm new here, though I've spent over a year quietly observing and learning from this community. Today, I finally feel ready to share a bit of my story and tell why I've decided to join. It's not easy for me to talk about, but I think it's important to vent, to be honest with myself, and to open up to someone.
On the outside, it may have seemed like I had a good, normal life, just like anyone else. I've always been passionate about science, art, and exploring the world. I wanted to experience and do everything and living with no regrets. I've always been a person driven by purpose and ambition, and I loved understanding people, listening to them with an open heart and not just pretending to get it to be right.
I used to be the guy who radiated energy, the one who loved life, who was always ready to dive into the next adventure. But something changed as I grew older. I started to feel that something was deeply wrong with me. Nobody could see it, nobody could touch it, but inside, I felt like something wanted to try to take me away everything I had, until I started to feel like I've never had that and I've never belonged to this messed up world, but I just got it late. Still, I did my best to ignore it, to hide it from myself… until something happened that changed my life forever, something that showed me the truth I had spent years trying to hide.
I met a different soul from anyone else in this universe.
I met someone or something impossible to fix into words.
I let this soul in, I showed all of my fears, struggles, sorrow.
I let this soul know the brightest and darkest parts of me.
I let it listen and talk, spending time and growing together.
And for the first time, I felt like someone could see the real me, not run away, but instead care for me and make me feel truly loved.
But just as life gave him to me, it took him away forever. Now, five years after his death, not a single day goes by without thinking about it.
What people don't know is what I've really experienced, what I've known and what I lost forever. I don't want to go into specifics in my first thread, but that event taught me something hard: I'm not made for this world. And though I'm still scared, I feel like it's time to finally be honest with myself and embrace the darker part of who I am because I can't keep fighting anymore.
The past few years have been overwhelming. I've struggled with major depressive disorder, and there were moments when I honestly thought I wouldn't make it through. For a time, I relied on medication to get by, but eventually, I decided to stop taking it.
What people see now is someone who seems happy and with a normal life. But the truth is, I feel like I'm already dead inside, just going through the motions and getting really good at hiding my feelings. I've been stuck in this battle for so long, and I don't know how to get out of it.
I'm here because I need to talk about my story and learn more from you. After years of analyzing people and trying to open myself to someone, I've realized that this community is probably the only true and safe place where it's possible to be honest without being judged or having someone who tries to change your mind.
I'm not planning to kill myself yet, but I want to know people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts to share a bit of myself and to learn more about you.
I don't expect anything from this thread, but I'd really like to talk with people who've been through something similar.
I really thank people who had the patience to read all of this though
I'm new here, though I've spent over a year quietly observing and learning from this community. Today, I finally feel ready to share a bit of my story and tell why I've decided to join. It's not easy for me to talk about, but I think it's important to vent, to be honest with myself, and to open up to someone.
On the outside, it may have seemed like I had a good, normal life, just like anyone else. I've always been passionate about science, art, and exploring the world. I wanted to experience and do everything and living with no regrets. I've always been a person driven by purpose and ambition, and I loved understanding people, listening to them with an open heart and not just pretending to get it to be right.
I used to be the guy who radiated energy, the one who loved life, who was always ready to dive into the next adventure. But something changed as I grew older. I started to feel that something was deeply wrong with me. Nobody could see it, nobody could touch it, but inside, I felt like something wanted to try to take me away everything I had, until I started to feel like I've never had that and I've never belonged to this messed up world, but I just got it late. Still, I did my best to ignore it, to hide it from myself… until something happened that changed my life forever, something that showed me the truth I had spent years trying to hide.
I met a different soul from anyone else in this universe.
I met someone or something impossible to fix into words.
I let this soul in, I showed all of my fears, struggles, sorrow.
I let this soul know the brightest and darkest parts of me.
I let it listen and talk, spending time and growing together.
And for the first time, I felt like someone could see the real me, not run away, but instead care for me and make me feel truly loved.
But just as life gave him to me, it took him away forever. Now, five years after his death, not a single day goes by without thinking about it.
What people don't know is what I've really experienced, what I've known and what I lost forever. I don't want to go into specifics in my first thread, but that event taught me something hard: I'm not made for this world. And though I'm still scared, I feel like it's time to finally be honest with myself and embrace the darker part of who I am because I can't keep fighting anymore.
The past few years have been overwhelming. I've struggled with major depressive disorder, and there were moments when I honestly thought I wouldn't make it through. For a time, I relied on medication to get by, but eventually, I decided to stop taking it.
What people see now is someone who seems happy and with a normal life. But the truth is, I feel like I'm already dead inside, just going through the motions and getting really good at hiding my feelings. I've been stuck in this battle for so long, and I don't know how to get out of it.
I'm here because I need to talk about my story and learn more from you. After years of analyzing people and trying to open myself to someone, I've realized that this community is probably the only true and safe place where it's possible to be honest without being judged or having someone who tries to change your mind.
I'm not planning to kill myself yet, but I want to know people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts to share a bit of myself and to learn more about you.
I don't expect anything from this thread, but I'd really like to talk with people who've been through something similar.
I really thank people who had the patience to read all of this though
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