I might actually try to finally live

[Dliena]

Nice to see OP! I hope all is still going well for you and sending out some lovin.

 

[moshimoshi]

PROUD OF U!!!!!!!!!

 

[Dot]

Hey Regen,

I loved reading your post, it resonated a lot with me. Many things you shared here I could say right back at ya :-)

It's good to hear you're still fighting though! Much better then haven given up, no matter how tough it is. Something that really helped me lately was the thought of taking the smallest possible steps I could take. Nothing overwhelmingly big, just tiny, baby steps.

Radical acceptance is great. Yet at times it comes and at other times I find I'm very far removed from it. I feel it's nothing something to be forced, or that needs to be done. It's also okay to be deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with our own lives.

I'm glad you found a community of people with whom you can share each other struggles! Would you mind sharing the community (via PM). I've been looking for something like this! If you don't want to share it's all good :-)

Wishing you and anyone who reads this lots of happiness, strength and power!
Keep on fighting, one tiny step at a time :-)

Hpe ok

Jst an FYI tht thre = collectn of onlne spport grps on thred b-low

Thy wre chosn as majrty of thm hve onlne vdeo-cll grps etc fr bettr cmmuncatn & spport - thre r lts of dffrnt 1nes s/ hpeflly thre wll b sme tht intrst u

Online Support and Recovery Meeting Groups

Many people who cannot access or afford standard therapy might find some help in video meetings and classes with online support groups and organisations. This information is not designed to be a replacement for professional therapy but for many will also be much better than nothng. Some of...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Congrats on finding hope and good luck.
I need to try meditation too ive been hearing it everywhere lately.

Thre r free guidd medtatn clsses on th/ follwng lnk if thy wld hlp

Live Online Meditations | Oxford Mindfulness

www.oxfordmindfulness.org

 

[beyondthestars]

Hpe ok

Jst an FYI tht thre = collectn of onlne spport grps on thred b-low

Thy wre chosn as majrty of thm hve onlne vdeo-cll grps etc fr bettr cmmuncatn & spport - thre r lts of dffrnt 1nes s/ hpeflly thre wll b sme tht intrst u

Online Support and Recovery Meeting Groups

Many people who cannot access or afford standard therapy might find some help in video meetings and classes with online support groups and organisations. This information is not designed to be a replacement for professional therapy but for many will also be much better than nothng. Some of...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thanks, I didn't see that before! It's quite a list and I'll go through to see if there's something that suits me.

 

[Dot]

Thanks, I didn't see that before! It's quite a list and I'll go through to see if there's something that suits me.

Yh recvry upd8ts hve only bn happnng fr a fw mnths bt thy br regulrly addd 2 atm

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[dogbreath]

!!!congrats and good luck on the road ahead :D!!! Ur story gives me hope

 

[sussshiroll]

There is always hope! And remember when it's the worst it's only get's better!

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Glad to see you do better, even if it slightly. How does the mdma treatment work?

 

[Regen]

I'm glad you found a community of people with whom you can share each other struggles! Would you mind sharing the community (via PM). I've been looking for something like this! If you don't want to share it's all good :-)

Wishing you and anyone who reads this lots of happiness, strength and power!
Keep on fighting, one tiny step at a time :-)

Dear beyondthestars,

Sorry for my late reply, I'm not here often, I love this community but it also feeds my dark side.

(Do you know this story about the two wolves in your heart? Grandmother sits by the fire and talks to her grandchild. She said: "In your heart there are two wolves, the good and the bad, and they are always fighting. The child asks his grandmother: Which wolf will be the winner? And the grandmother answered: The one you feed.)



I visit Emotions Anonymous and Codependents Anonymous. Meetings take place all over the world. Don't be afraid of the 12 steps and this God thing... It's not a religious group! You can come by and take a look, maybe you need to try out different groups to see if it's for you, every group is a little different because of the people and every single meeting is always different in terms of mood and what you can take with you for yourself. It is anonymous, without obligations, free of charge, purely self-help, so there are no leaders or therapists. It doesn't replace therapy, but it is a really great addition for me personally. Of course I don't know if it's something for you, as everyone is different.

For me it works and it open my mind for other ways. Especially I re-found my hope. That was the best.

I wish you the strength to going on, inner peace and the feeling of being loved!

 

[beyondthestars]

Refinding hope sounds beautiful! Thank you for your reply, it's not late at all. Sometimes I check back here more often, sometimes it takes weeks or months.

I'll have a look at codependents anonymous, and see if they're active here. Thanks.

I'll keep this message short as I'm in quite a bad mood right now. Catch you later!

 

[beyondthestars]

I'm looking at this old post of mine 1,5 years later. I thought it would have been longer. So much shit has happened between then and now. I feel like throwing in the towel. Got coercive controlled in a relationship, amongst others. Absolutely devasting psychological abuse. The going can be so rough at times

 

[Regen]

I'm so sorry. I was in a devastating relationship for a very, very long time. It's hell. I hope you've been able to get out of this relationship by now. Ending my destroying relationship was the worst thing I ever feel. I send you love and security!

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I'm trying a recovery route after a rough 2 years road (of a lifetime of suffering and some failed attempts on the way) which led me to this thread. I was so very moved by your testimony… so sorry to hear about your relationship… it's so heartbreaking to be abused for someone you trusted and loved… I've always had a fragile mental health, but I felt so much worse after some really terrible relationships I've had… felt so much worse because I felt that the love and trust I've felt was used against me, they used my secrets and vulnerabilities to make me weaker…. I really hope you find yourself in a new path of recovery and hope!

 

[beyondthestars]

I'm so sorry. I was in a devastating relationship for a very, very long time. It's hell. I hope you've been able to get out of this relationship by now. Ending my destroying relationship was the worst thing I ever feel. I send you love and security!

I'm glad you got out! Getting out is hard. For a while I lived in fear that they might come to my house, or that they would wait for me on the street. After blocking them completely the worst passed in about 1,5 weeks. Of course there's still a lot of healing work to do. I know many others who've been in such relationships much longer. For you guys it's often much harder and the wounds even deeper.

I'm so so sorry. I hope you find strength and healing!

I'm trying a recovery route after a rough 2 years road (of a lifetime of suffering and some failed attempts on the way) which led me to this thread. I was so very moved by your testimony… so sorry to hear about your relationship… it's so heartbreaking to be abused for someone you trusted and loved… I've always had a fragile mental health, but I felt so much worse after some really terrible relationships I've had… felt so much worse because I felt that the love and trust I've felt was used against me, they used my secrets and vulnerabilities to make me weaker…. I really hope you find yourself in a new path of recovery and hope!

Yes, that's exactly how it is! They use your secrets and vulnerabilities against you!

In my last so-called 'relationship' I was trying to built something, in the mean time their efforts were never genuine. They played only for manipulation and control. You think you trust this person, but unknowningly you're in a psychological warzone, where everything can be used for abuse. Even most loving and vulnerable moments...

How are you trying to recover now?

I'm trying to recover as well. It's still early days for me. First recover from this relationship, then also work on healing my trauma, anxiety and everything else. I've also been fragile most of my life.

It's lonely right now. Even with the endless abuse, I was sharing my day to day with someone. Once again there's no one who even pretends care. I'll try to find safety and hapiness in myself first for now.

I really hope all the best for you! Good luck! I hope you find strength and love.


Thank you both for your kind words.

 

[Electra]

It's so heartwarming to read this. All the best to you and everyone else who reads this

 

[beyondthestars]

Strange how quick these things pass. I've been talking to some people here and on other forums. Sharing and talking to others who understand is so powerful. Today I feel so much better. Much more calm, and empowered. Much love to all

 

[alltoomuch2]

I'm glad you got out! Getting out is hard. For a while I lived in fear that they might come to my house, or that they would wait for me on the street. After blocking them completely the worst passed in about 1,5 weeks. Of course there's still a lot of healing work to do. I know many others who've been in such relationships much longer. For you guys it's often much harder and the wounds even deeper.

I'm so so sorry. I hope you find strength and healing!




Yes, that's exactly how it is! They use your secrets and vulnerabilities against you!

In my last so-called 'relationship' I was trying to built something, in the mean time their efforts were never genuine. They played only for manipulation and control. You think you trust this person, but unknowningly you're in a psychological warzone, where everything can be used for abuse. Even most loving and vulnerable moments...

How are you trying to recover now?

I'm trying to recover as well. It's still early days for me. First recover from this relationship, then also work on healing my trauma, anxiety and everything else. I've also been fragile most of my life.

It's lonely right now. Even with the endless abuse, I was sharing my day to day with someone. Once again there's no one who even pretends care. I'll try to find safety and hapiness in myself first for now.

I really hope all the best for you! Good luck! I hope you find strength and love.


Thank you both for your kind words.

I'm just about to start psychotherapy for c-ptsd/DID and I also came out of a 13year abusive relationship. So I'll be following your thread if that's ok. I'm not going to name the therapy as I'm very hopeful it will help a lot but if someone on here said they'd tried it and it didn't work it would wound me to my core and really affect my hope. I know that when I asked chatgpt about it it said that particular therapy was "highly suitable" for my problems. Here's to both of us keeping that little bit of hope alive and keeping going against the odds. Xxx

 

[beyondthestars]

I'm just about to start psychotherapy for c-ptsd/DID and I also came out of a 13year abusive relationship. So I'll be following your thread if that's ok. I'm not going to name the therapy as I'm very hopeful it will help a lot but if someone on here said they'd tried it and it didn't work it would wound me to my core and really affect my hope. I know that when I asked chatgpt about it it said that particular therapy was "highly suitable" for my problems. Here's to both of us keeping that little bit of hope alive and keeping going against the odds. Xxx

Oh shit! A 13 year abusive relationship sounds like hell! Glad you made it out!

I hope the psychotherapy will work great for you :-)

I wouldn't worry to much about others experiences, even if that's easier said then done of course. What works great for some people, doesn't do anything for others. I've seen people turn their life around with practices that do nothing for me. I can understand though that it's still disheartening if others say it didn't work for them.

Of course you're most welcome to follow this thread.

Personally I'm currently doing the following stuff for my SI, CPTSD, anxiety, etc:

1. For calming down the continuous stressed nervous system:
Polyvagal excercises like 4-7-8 breathing, safe place visualisation etc. I do this usually 5 minutes in the morning and evening, and as needed. It calms me down so much!

2. For releasing all the trauma and tension in the body:
Trauma release (TRE) and simiilar excercises. (Can be done alone or with therapist.) I love releasing trauma this way, it feels so good! I aim for 15 minutes in the morning a few times a week.

3. For emotional regulation:
Emotional scans, and just staying with the emotions without judgement. (Compassionate inquiry in Gabor Mathé's way can also help. I use an AI therapist for this)

4. For body awarenes:
Body scans, (optional: Somatic Experiencing, another AI therapy I've got defined)

5. For relation and attachment healing:
Still looking for a therapist who's present without an agenda. (e.g. therapy according to Carl Rogers) In the meantime, you might have guessed it: AI therapist.

6. Inner child work / reparenting
I mostly do this intuitively as needed. There are many methods one could use though.

7. Most important of all I find my all arounded AI therapist!
I've got different modes programmed, which I can start with a short command. I also have an "integrative therapist", which combines various methods. I use chatgpt. Free mode works, but I have the $20 usd/month subscription.

I tried various psychotherapists. It's so important to find a good one, one that you really feel safe and comfortable with! Some of them are just rattling off their program without truly listening.

For now I'm doing good work with AI, without them I'd be nowhere. (I know it's faulty and all that. I accept and work around the risks.)

The other stuff I mentioned at the beginning of this thread (meditation, mdma therapy), it's not so prominent right now. Maybe another time. Currently I feel very comfortable with the tools I have :-)

Best of luck to all of us!

 

[Regen]

I'm just about to start psychotherapy for c-ptsd/DID and I also came out of a 13year abusive relationship. So I'll be following your thread if that's ok. I'm not going to name the therapy as I'm very hopeful it will help a lot but if someone on here said they'd tried it and it didn't work it would wound me to my core and really affect my hope. I know that when I asked chatgpt about it it said that particular therapy was "highly suitable" for my problems. Here's to both of us keeping that little bit of hope alive and keeping going against the odds. Xxx

I'm very glad to hear that you were able to escape.

I was also trapped in the toxic relationship for a very long time. I'm still amazed today that after such a long time and endless attempts to escape, I finally managed to be free. I didn't think I would ever be able to get out of there. It feels so incredibly good to be free of these people. It's good to tell myself that every now and then, because sometimes I still miss the feeling of love even though it was a long time ago.

CoDA in particular has given me an incredible amount regarding the abusive relationship (besides therapy). Hearing that others felt the same way and why was and is very healing.