I need to make a thread, if thats oright

[Ashpac]

Hay

I used to be a regular poster.

I have now been in a job for 4 weeks, my longest in quite a while.

Im shocked myself.

I have bought a car, paid for the insurance.

I have the money for my A Level, that I will study in April all through a loan because i have good credit.

My point is, my life seems to be getting better, and i dont understand how. I wanted to kill myself for 15 years. Im confused, is there a higher force or is it just down to me? i dont know. I do miss this community, alot.

I know people on here can frown on here about people recovering, which is fine i suppose.

Im still waiting for that dark day to come, i have my sodium nitrite in my draw for when this all fails.

Ive learned alot about people while trying to recover, people are so fake and lie alot. why is that?

Anyways, how are you lot doing?

 

[Johnnythefox]

Glad to hear things are on the up for you.

 

[TiredHorse]

You've made my evening, to hear that someone's life is improving enough that suicide isn't their prefered option. I am so very happy for you!

Im confused, is there a higher force or is it just down to me? i dont know.

Don't worry about it too much, just soak in the change and enjoy smiling.

Life threw you a curveball... and you hit it out of the park.

 

[Smilla]

Hey there,

Congrats on your achievements, and I hope you have continued hope and good fortune.

I'm still planning my demise.

 

[Ashpac]

Thanks people. Im trying my best. Its my last hope. If this fails, im fucked, i took a £5500 loan out, the interest rate was not the best, dont ask me how since i have good credit lol.

But anyways, Hows everyone on here?

 

[Ashpac]

Hey there,

Congrats on your achievements, and I hope you have continued hope and good fortune.

I'm still planning my demise.

Hay smilla. I remember us talking a while ago.

I dont wanna get personal, but im sorry things have not worked out for you.

I liked you and the other regulars.

 

[Chinaski]

Ive learned alot about people while trying to recover, people are so fake and lie alot. why is that?

Yup. I really wish l knew the answer to that myself tbh.

I'm very glad to read that you're feeling good after so long wishing to ctb. Recovery posts are generally good imo, l envy folks in recovery but l must admit I'm never going to be unhappy to read that things are going well for folks who've had it rough for such a long time, l hope it continues for you.

 

[Mrs.O'Leary'sCow]

Good on 'ya. Don't know why anyone would frown on another's recovery. I mean it's not a death cult, just a place where the choice of self-deliverance isn't anathema.

 

[Ashpac]

Good on 'ya. Don't know why anyone would frown on another's recovery. I mean it's not a death cult, just a place where the choice of self-deliverance isn't anathema.

Thanks, i appreciate that. Its a hard journey. Im stressed everyday but im trying.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I'm so glad things have picked up for you. You kinda give me a little hope in this dark dark place. I hope your future gets better and better.

 

[Ashpac]

I'm so glad things have picked up for you. You kinda give me a little hope in this dark dark place. I hope your future gets better and better.

Im still scared everyday.

Everyday when i go to work, i can feel that dark voice in my head saying ''quit'' ''fuck your job'' ''just kill yourself''

Its so hard.

Thanks though, it means alot.

Im still pro choice. Fuck pro lifers!

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Yeah, I get the voices in the head thing but at least you have a job and youre not thinking about ctb that often? I don't really know what to say. I'm proud that you've been able to rebuild this so far and I hope that it keeps getting better for you. I would say to look for the positives to battle that dark voice but I'm not sure what works for you. If you wanna talk though, I'm here.

 

[Ashpac]

Yeah, I get the voices in the head thing but at least you have a job and youre not thinking about ctb that often? I don't really know what to say. I'm proud that you've been able to rebuild this so far and I hope that it keeps getting better for you. I would say to look for the positives to battle that dark voice but I'm not sure what works for you. If you wanna talk though, I'm here.

thanks for them words.

my life is getting better.

but my mams health is getting seriously worse.

ive always said this house is cursed. ive had paranormal experiences in this shit hole, which i will never talk about.

after watching my mam tonight, i think she will die later this year, im so heart broken by it.

i can never have peace in my life no matter how hard i try and it pisses me off.

anyways, thanks for the kind words.

if anyone wants a talk, im still happy to talk to anyone about anything.

bye 4 now.

 

[15dec]

Hey, glad your life has been improving! I hope it continues to do so. Hugs

 

[TAW122]

I'm glad to hear about your recovery in life as well as things getting better for you. As far as why people are fake, well I'm not an expert on people psychology but I guess it could be part of human nature perhaps? Also, as of now, from being on this forum for a bit over 4 months, I'd have to say that this place has made my life a bit more tolerable. It is a safe place for me to gather with like-minded individuals who share similar sentiments as me and doesn't shove pro-life rhetoric or try to censor anyone and are just honest. I have also recently obtained my method (a firearm) which brings me a lot of peace since I know that I have the ability to check out at any given time if my life gets worse or becomes unbearable for me.

 

[Ashpac]

I'm glad to hear about your recovery in life as well as things getting better for you. As far as why people are fake, well I'm not an expert on people psychology but I guess it could be part of human nature perhaps? Also, as of now, from being on this forum for a bit over 4 months, I'd have to say that this place has made my life a bit more tolerable. It is a safe place for me to gather with like-minded individuals who share similar sentiments as me and doesn't shove pro-life rhetoric or try to censor anyone and are just honest. I have also recently obtained my method (a firearm) which brings me a lot of peace since I know that I have the ability to check out at any given time if my life gets worse or becomes unbearable for me.

Yeah the people on this forum are more real than the people outside of this forum. I wish you luck with your method though. Sorry that life has screwed all of us on here.