Sarros
Student
- Sep 2, 2021
- 114
It's been awhile since I've visited the site, maybe a year or two. The last time was to find a partner in the megathread. It took awhile to get someone I was able to keep in constant communication with. The last time I reached out I thought to myself, 'this is the last time'. If I didn't find anyone this time, I would just suck it up and do it on my own.
To be absolutely transparent, we both 100% met on the basis that at some point, this person and I would come to an arrangment that we could be there for the other person in the event of our suicide in some physical capacity. Whether that be we take our own life ourselves or we take our own life together.
As we started getting to know each other to get comfortable with the idea, we talked a lot about what it meant for us and why we wanted it. She was in a particularly dark part of her life and I wanted to make sure she was in the correct headspace to make as rational of a decision as they could regarding suicide.
Months passed and their outlook on life improved. We would talk infrequently about relationships, dating, life and suicide. She mostly talked about the men in her life and experiences with meeting men online. We planned to meet sometime in April or March? earlier this year just as friends to spend some time together.
A week before the trip she tells me that she met two men online that wanted to fly her out and had interest being her boyfriend. She cancelled our trip. I continued to support her and told her to be careful even though it devastated me. She told me that she would be forever grateful that I saved her life.
I check up on her to make sure shes safe and shes been complaining about their struggles communicating with the two guys and how its much easier to talk to me. Months later she tells me shes been crying about how they wanted sex and that was the reason they wanted her there in the first place. A week after that she tells me everything is fine and they're 'together' now.
I don't believe this relationship will last but its none of my business. I had no interest in her romantically but it hurts. I feel as though I gave her a part of myself that I can't get back now. The part that said, 'I'll be there for you when you want to leave.' I think, an interest in the well-being of your partner is antithetical to whole idea. It sounds obvious now that I've said it out loud. But in general, I want other, good people, to live happy and healthy lives if they have the capacity.
Maybe I was, truly, meant to die alone.
To be absolutely transparent, we both 100% met on the basis that at some point, this person and I would come to an arrangment that we could be there for the other person in the event of our suicide in some physical capacity. Whether that be we take our own life ourselves or we take our own life together.
As we started getting to know each other to get comfortable with the idea, we talked a lot about what it meant for us and why we wanted it. She was in a particularly dark part of her life and I wanted to make sure she was in the correct headspace to make as rational of a decision as they could regarding suicide.
Months passed and their outlook on life improved. We would talk infrequently about relationships, dating, life and suicide. She mostly talked about the men in her life and experiences with meeting men online. We planned to meet sometime in April or March? earlier this year just as friends to spend some time together.
A week before the trip she tells me that she met two men online that wanted to fly her out and had interest being her boyfriend. She cancelled our trip. I continued to support her and told her to be careful even though it devastated me. She told me that she would be forever grateful that I saved her life.
I check up on her to make sure shes safe and shes been complaining about their struggles communicating with the two guys and how its much easier to talk to me. Months later she tells me shes been crying about how they wanted sex and that was the reason they wanted her there in the first place. A week after that she tells me everything is fine and they're 'together' now.
I don't believe this relationship will last but its none of my business. I had no interest in her romantically but it hurts. I feel as though I gave her a part of myself that I can't get back now. The part that said, 'I'll be there for you when you want to leave.' I think, an interest in the well-being of your partner is antithetical to whole idea. It sounds obvious now that I've said it out loud. But in general, I want other, good people, to live happy and healthy lives if they have the capacity.
Maybe I was, truly, meant to die alone.
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