Venting I thinknIve fucked my plan. Fucking Idiot!!

[Jodes]

I'm such a fucking moron. How could I possibly think I'd get my girlfriend to understand enough to just let me go. I'm not strong enough to "help" her through any more grief, its cruel on her andveveryone else, and that's about it. So they might now try to get me in hospital, since I said it's "nearly that time". But they know it wont happen. I should just leave my gf first but she knows my tricks. Besides, I'm too much of a coward. Why am I throwing away the only good thing I ever had. Was I literally delusional? If so, will meds help me leave things in a better way? I can't even think

 

[Letmego. Please]

I am so sorry you are struggling so much, here if you want a chat. Hugs

 

[NotWorthLiving]

How have you f'd your plan?

About the medication, I'm not sure, sometimes medication can make things worse before it gets better.

It's going to be okay Jodes. I feel like you were freaking out a bit or stressing or a little upset when you write this.

Here if you need someone to talk to...

 

[Jodes]

How have you f'd your plan?

About the medication, I'm not sure, sometimes medication can make things worse before it gets better.

It's going to be okay Jodes. I feel like you were freaking out a bit or stressing or a little upset when you write this.

Here if you need someone to talk to...

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Everyone's eyes are on me now so if I want to CTB I'll have to wait a while. I guess I can do one more stretch. But everyone's reactions made me really feel the hurt I'd be causing as well. Truly back to CTB square one. "All" I have is the equipment now. Cioran was right. I should have done this a long time ago. That dark poet said suicide is always too late.

Edit: also apologies for my language. Trying to cut down