
BridgeJumper
The Arsonist
- Apr 7, 2019
- 1,193
Since I cant get treatment because 'this is in my head', I decided to freeze to death. It was a random idea. I came to the bridge, stood there crying and throwing up but couldnt bring myself to jump. My hands and feet started to loose feeling and then it dawned on me, I should lay down and let myself freeze. I went behind the bridge, into the snow and sat down near some hill. It was -13 degrees. Took out some of my art because I wanted to hold something I love.
My skin burned, turned red with pale nailbeds. I thought about frostbite and amputations and started freaking out. My teeth clattered and my jaw seized up. At this point I called my father, spun him a story about going on a walk and missing the bus. Its freezing, I feel weak, can you get me etc.
I felt electric sparks trying to move my fingers and toes. Tried to get out of the snow and onto the road to wait for him and as I walked, I started feeling warm, numb and heavy. My tongue grew loose and my heart was pounding. Suddenly I started having visions. I was convinced Im in Germany, in the city of my tall bridge. Memories of sleeping under it and shivering. Then various flashbacks of what I did there, good and bad. How I met in there with my bridge friend. I imagined my bridge friend hugging me and telling me it will be alright, and it almost felt real. Got in the car somehow, twitching and shivering, thought headlights were the heavenly lights or someshit. He blew hot air inside the car and I was Frozen and it felt really weird. I threw up two more times on myself but it was just clear liquid. Kept asking how are we supposed to go back to our hometown, were in Germany. The rest was a blur, road bending, out of it. It hurt but not as badly as I expected. Somehow Im alive and can already feel the lung and bladder infections.
Note to self: next time dont take my phone.
My skin burned, turned red with pale nailbeds. I thought about frostbite and amputations and started freaking out. My teeth clattered and my jaw seized up. At this point I called my father, spun him a story about going on a walk and missing the bus. Its freezing, I feel weak, can you get me etc.
I felt electric sparks trying to move my fingers and toes. Tried to get out of the snow and onto the road to wait for him and as I walked, I started feeling warm, numb and heavy. My tongue grew loose and my heart was pounding. Suddenly I started having visions. I was convinced Im in Germany, in the city of my tall bridge. Memories of sleeping under it and shivering. Then various flashbacks of what I did there, good and bad. How I met in there with my bridge friend. I imagined my bridge friend hugging me and telling me it will be alright, and it almost felt real. Got in the car somehow, twitching and shivering, thought headlights were the heavenly lights or someshit. He blew hot air inside the car and I was Frozen and it felt really weird. I threw up two more times on myself but it was just clear liquid. Kept asking how are we supposed to go back to our hometown, were in Germany. The rest was a blur, road bending, out of it. It hurt but not as badly as I expected. Somehow Im alive and can already feel the lung and bladder infections.
Note to self: next time dont take my phone.
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