i want to die

[billie]

i picked up my sn from the post office today and i've already decided when i'll attempt again
this time i won't say goodbye
i'll just disappear forever and never come back
everyone will think i'm offline but i'm actually dead
i'm sorry

 

[billie]

everyone is better off without me

 

[real human being]

I'm really sorry it's come to this for you book girl

 

[billie]

i'm a bad person and i think everyone hates me

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

Sending you a big virtual hug (if you want one)

 

[deadbidaylight]

Oh this hurts. I am so very sorry you feel this way towards yourself. It's clear that you have many people on here that really love and admire you, and I believe it's likely that way irl too. Depression lies to us. It fills our head with thoughts and wants to take us all down. It's always sad to see it win the fight.

I hope that you're able to find the peace you're searching for when you leave, because you deserve it. And wherever you end up, that you never have to feel pain or suffering again.

 

[Mary Janex]

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I really hope you find your peace whatever happens. Sending you a big hug.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

I'm sorry that you are so broken, no need for apologise. We love you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish to be gone, to not exist is all I personally hope for but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the peace you search for.

 

[DeadSet]

Hope you find the peace you search for and be free from this cruel world

 

[divinemistress36]

We like you <3

 

[Esc9434]

Billie, Cali said she wants to speak with you.

 

[billie]

ctb is the only solution to my problems

 

[Alias Pluto]

Why the hell isn't there a peaceful and humane way to leave this world

 

[billie]

i'm a worthless piece of shit

 

[plan c]

You're well heard, billie dear.
There's no reason anyone would judge u like this
Your existence is loved and cherished. u bring a unique shade of color to this community and this world. Things will never be the same without u, and u'll be missed terribly either you pass away or you're simply offline for a few days. but for the latter case i hope u're using that time away from the forum to embrace the not-yet-so-fucked-up part of your life

everyone is better off without me

It must be your bpd that keeps telling u that

i'm a bad person and i think everyone hates me

i'm a worthless piece of shit

we love u. and i love u my dear

ctb is the only solution to my problems

it can be a solution but it's likely the intrusive voice of your bpd is talking u into thinking it's the only way.
ofc im not judging u bc of that. u're not doing anything wrong. who would judge a depressed girl in desperate need of love and company?

 

[plan c]

update (90mins later)

it hurts to see u hating urself so much. billie dear. there are times u're self aware and can tell the intrusive thoughts apart from what u really decide. i respect your choices but i must ask u let the hatred drag u into a messy and unwilling demise.

Yet it's good to see how u're open about your thoughts, and how u let those go explicit instead of covering them up. it gives me a reassuring hint that u could be accepting your self-hatred and letting it coexist with u. it also shows how much u trust this community and potentially, ppl around u, indicating in ur subcon u somehow sense u're loved and is being heard.

Your inner voices aren't sth to be ashamed of. I feel im constantly connected with u when u think out loud. it induces unique and complicated feelings that i cannot hide away. just how much i wanna let u know u're cared and not casted aside.
it really makes my day seeing u again here! even though u wont stay for long. i know u're dying. i know somehow, you're already dead inside. but i also know, you're loved to the last moment of your life.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've just seen your thread now.

I'm sorry you have to go through this and you hate yourself so much. We are here for you and you're not worthless!

You will be missed here

 

[billie]

nobody loves me or cares about me and if i were dead nobody would miss me or think of me but i want to die

 

[billie]

i can't wait to kill myself with sn

 

[billie]

i want to be free from my pain and my suffering and find peace but for that i must die

 

[deadstillwalking]

nobody loves me or cares about me and if i were dead nobody would miss me or think of me but i want to die

oh I wish you were aware of how loved you are by people here, they were literally sobbing for you when you didn't respond in your ctb thread

 

[billie]

i feel so lonely

 

[billie]

i'm such an unlovable person why do i still wonder why nobody loves me or cares about me?

 

[Ferreter]

What you're feeling is very common and I understand that you're in a great deal of pain and hurt. I know this forum is against advising people what they should or should not do in regards to how they feel and it takes a lot in me to not, but all I can say is I hope everything turns out okay for you, the people in this community seem to cherish you a whole lot, and to some that might not count for anything but I think that counts for something.

 

[plan c]

Hey Billie Jean lol. how are u doing?

srry i cant do much for u other than keeping in touch online. it breaks my heart seeing u suffer. perhaps i could make u feel less lonely.
(edit:grammar)

 

[plan c]

 

[billie]

i'm the loneliest person in the entire universe because i have no one to talk to and this loneliness will kill me

 

[billie]

i'll die soon anyway so nothing matters anymore

 

[billie]

i'm done with this bullshit called life