i want to die

[billie]

i have accepted that i have no future and will die by suicide

 

[Adûnâi]

i'm the loneliest person in the entire universe because i have no one to talk to and this loneliness will kill me

Feel free to message me and talk whenever you please, I have literally only 2 online friends.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Hey @billie
For what it's worth I certainly don't hate you -I relate to your feelings a lot. I remember the first time I saw you in chat. Your were a shy, friendly, interesting & cool new user named bookgirl. After a few days your username changed to Bookie. Then, after a few months to billie. I recall seeing that you were 'main character of sasu'. Initially I was confused about that. However I soon realized you were not implying that you were the most important character/user on the forum, but rather it was just an allusion to your fondness for books & the fact most books have a main character. I thought that was very clever.

You have always been kind to me & to all the others here who are often at their lowest. You might not know, but you have made me smile many times & laugh as well. Some of those instances it was the first time I'd smiled or laughed in days or weeks. Thank you for that. I've always admired how you don't compromise your own beliefs or feelings for others, simply to fit in / not make any waves. You're a good person who deserves to be happy & loved. The fact that so many users here (and we're quite picky) like you is a testament to the fact that you are indeed a good person who is likable & has many good, admirable personality traits.

You can always msg me if you want someone to chat with. I respect whatever decision & choice you make, but I can assure you that you will be missed by myself and many others.

 

[plan c]

beloved billie (: you're not alone

 

[billie]

Hey @billie
For what it's worth I certainly don't hate you -I relate to your feelings a lot. I remember the first time I saw you in chat. Your were a shy, friendly, interesting & cool new user named bookgirl. After a few days your username changed to Bookie. Then, after a few months to billie. I recall seeing that you were 'main character of sasu'. Initially I was confused about that. However I soon realized you were not implying that you were the most important character/user on the forum, but rather it was just an allusion to your fondness for books & the fact most books have a main character. I thought that was very clever.

You have always been kind to me & to all the others here who are often at their lowest. You might not know, but you have made me smile many times & laugh as well. Some of those instances it was the first time I'd smiled or laughed in days or weeks. Thank you for that. I've always admired how you don't compromise your own beliefs or feelings for others, simply to fit in / not make any waves. You're a good person who deserves to be happy & loved. The fact that so many users here (and we're quite picky) like you is a testament to the fact that you are indeed a good person who is likable & has many good, admirable personality traits.

You can always msg me if you want someone to chat with. I respect whatever decision & choice you make, but I can assure you that you will be missed by myself and many others.

 

[Zyntkalla]

i'm done with this bullshit called life

I feel yeah. My reason is I ended up getting sick. Not sure if it's covid or the flu. But it is really bad. So I ended up going to work yesterday even though I felt sick. But at that time, it just felt mild. I ended up going to work for three. Then around four forty it got so bad, I could even stand. And I felt a little light headed.

But the worst part for me was, they ended up giving me a taxi home. And i'm one of those people, if I have to do a job, I would like to finish it. The only time if I would stop something like this situation. If I was throwing up, or blacking out. And to be honest, it didn't really seem that bad to me.

When I got home, I was really upset, and I felt the same way you felt. I do have other more severe issues for my reason to leave. But in that moment, I felt so ashamed because how I acted at work. It literally felt like I couldn't go on anymore. I even feel ashamed to have to go to work on sunday. This probably isn't the same thing as what you're going through. But the feelings are there.

 

[billie]

i want to sleep forever

 

[billie]

i'm so tired of being tired

 

[billie]

i don't even know why i'm venting here and maybe i should stop because i just get on everyone's nerves with it anyway

 

[plan c]

i like how u are emotional and sensitive. I like your venting too, bc it's a relief knowing u could feel better somehow

 

[Death Diviner]

Howdie, stranger!

 

[Sando_1737]

i don't even know why i'm venting here and maybe i should stop because i just get on everyone's nerves with it anyway

I care about you, albeit yes those words I said may seem empty. I'm sorry that everything has been difficult. Are you still here Billie?

 

[billie]

i think about killing myself with sn all the time every day

 

[billie]

i'm ready to die

 

[HopeIsALie]

i'm ready to die

I really wish I could join you billie <3 if you're truly ready, I wish you so much luck, and I'm happy for you that you'll find some peace, I think I speak for all of us when I say we're just, sad for us. I may be kinda new here but, I really care about you, and reading this thread was heart wrenching, but relatable, as unfortunately I'm sure it is for many. I'm so, so sorry for how things have turned out, but I do genuinely have love in my heart for you, and I care about you, and I hope things finally become peaceful for you in one way or another, whatever you choose <3

 

[billie]

when i die i'll go to heaven because i've already been through hell

 

[billie]

i'm actually just waiting until i can finally drink sn and i hope my attempt works

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

i don't even know why i'm venting here and maybe i should stop because i just get on everyone's nerves with it anyway

Vent away, you aren't annoying us. I can hear from your thread just how much pain you're in and wish I could wave a magic wand for you. We know there's nothing we can do to take your pain away, but SaSu care and we're happy to bear witness to your pain and send you support from afar

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

i want to sleep forever

Without dreams or nightmares, and without having to open our eyes again every day. We only deserve eternal peace, not suffering.

 

[plan c]

billie! bookie! beloved bookgirl and cookiegirl are u still with us? everybody loves u. sasu isn't the same without the main character here ~

 

[Sando_1737]

Holy fuck, Billie I actually hope you're still here.

I was suicidal but seeing you actually going through with it just makes me really sad, I'm so sorry.

If you'd like we could chat about why you feel horrible, I'll just be here to listen. Even if you don't want to chat, I just hope that you could at least drink some water and eat your favorite food. I hope you're still here.

Here's a hug. I'm so sorry.

 

[plan c]

goodbye billie~ as u decide to take a break, rest well on this side or the other! i'll be glad if im lucky enough to see u around again!

btw, dont burden yourself for the venting. what u share about yourself is meaningful and useful, and is always appreciated

also u dont need to "ctb bc u have made a promise" or "ctb bc u've posted a goodbye thread" at all. just listen to what u genuinely feel

I'll do some research whilst u're away... on what to drink tonight lol. im somehow doing kinda better lately so don't worry about me, except maybe i lack motivation a bit. I'm here for u whenever im available

I'm gonna miss u anyway.

 

[TotalEclipse]

You're valid. There are even studies that show severe loneliness actually causes physical harm. We're designed to be social and cooperative creatures.

 

[billie]

i'll be dead soon and nothing can stop me

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Billie, how r u today?

 

[billie]

Billie, how r u today?

i want to die

 

[plan c]

it's gonna be alright dear.
It won't keep u waiting too long
if things ever go sideways u could always, have a rest, fall asleep. forever and ever

 

[billie]

it's gonna be alright dear.
It won't keep u waiting too long
if things ever go sideways u could always, have a rest, fall asleep. forever and ever

i like the gif lol

 

[billie]

i'll definitely do it

 

[billie]

i'm not far away from ctb