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symphony

symphony

surving hour-by-hour
Mar 12, 2022
779
I rely on self-harm a lot for coping but I've reached a point where I'm cutting so much that it's starting to become a real problem. I hate how much time and energy it takes. I hate having to do first-aid and replacing bandages every day even if I'm not cutting that day. I'm burning up my first-aid supplies too fast. And the more bandages I have on at a time, the more annoying it is when they keep falling off. I have like 6 bandages on right now. I don't want to have to keep doing this, at least not at this scale.

So after I cut tonight (whoops) I made the impulsive decision that I'm going to try to somehow not cut at all until all my current cuts are well-healed and don't need to be bandaged anymore - probably about a week or so. And then I can re-evaluate, and if I want to continue cutting I can make a plan to do it in a more measured, reserved way so it doesn't spiral out of control so easily. Part of the reason I'm making this post is so I can have somewhat more accountability with following through.

So I guess I'd welcome any support, feedback, or advice. Thanks for reading.
 
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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
You could try hurting yourself safely by licking hot sauces instead. You don't have to swallow. I always do, but we're married. Wait, what was I talking about again?
 
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T

timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,248
Cutting can sometimes provide relief by giving a sense of control. Some people are able to cold turkey, but you may want to augment your attempt by also finding something you can do that also promotes a sense of control. Some find getting a pet (even a goldfish) can help create an environment with an increased sense of control and a proportional reduction of anxiety.
 
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Cathy Ames

Cathy Ames

Cautionary Tale
Mar 11, 2022
2,108
So I guess I'd welcome any support, feedback, or advice. Thanks for reading.
I agree that it would be a very good idea to have some kind of replacement "behavior" that you can do when you experience the desire to cut or at the times/events that tend to habitually trigger the desire to cut. I would guess that (as with smoking) it would be good if the replacement behavior kept your hands occupied. In addition to playing with hot sauce, maybe knitting, drawing, journaling, or something like that?
 
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goofy

goofy

Chicago's goofiest shooter
Apr 9, 2022
57
Only way to break a habit is to
make it impossible.

If its possible go to a mental hospital and just hang out for a week.
 
symphony

symphony

surving hour-by-hour
Mar 12, 2022
779
Only way to break a habit is to
make it impossible.

If its possible go to a mental hospital and just hang out for a week.
Oh god lol. Never, never again. As long as I can avoid it.

Besides, I've self-harmed in those places more than just a few times.
 
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Crazy4u

Crazy4u

Enlightened
Sep 29, 2021
1,318
Does it help you to hit something instead of cutting? Like punch a pillow or throw a newspaper?
 
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N

noaccount

Enlightened
Oct 26, 2019
1,099
Jfc I'm sorry someone suggested getting yourself locked in a violent abusive institution what the hell. Good luck to you symphony I hope you can get a break from this.
 
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G

Glowarm

F*ck everyone and everything
Apr 8, 2022
673
Just wanted to say that I support you. Whether you make the week or not, at least you are trying.
Speaking from past experience, it took me over a year to be able to get to 1 full week SH free. Now I've haven't in a long time.
 
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lili

lili

Specialist
Feb 17, 2022
319
Yes I support you as well. And if you end up doing it again don't beat yourself over.

I used to cut myself before for many years all over my body. Specifically my arms and all over my chest. I would cut my face too sometimes so it would give me an excuse to not see people.

I think what timf says resonates a lot with me about control. I felt I had no control and I viewed cutting to heal pain or to punish myself. It was a way to regain control of myself and settle down my intense feelings. I'm not sure how it stopped for one week or two, but I think what made me stop for four years it to see how when the cuts healed, they turned into scars. So now I have scars all over my arm and my chest.

At first I felt even worse to realize it was permanent, and really bad that people might see this. But for me now if feels as if it's sort of warrior scars, and as a reminder of what I went through.

Of course I still feel very suicidal and fluctuate through periods of really bad depression. I'm still struggling a lot but not with cutting. I think seeing how permanent it was maybe helped me stop.

I don't really have a specific answer with this story, I can't tell you how to stop, but I hope this is somehow helpful.

I know how hard and tempting it can be to do it so I understand and connect with this a lot.
 
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stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,919
I rely on self-harm a lot for coping but I've reached a point where I'm cutting so much that it's starting to become a real problem. I hate how much time and energy it takes. I hate having to do first-aid and replacing bandages every day even if I'm not cutting that day. I'm burning up my first-aid supplies too fast. And the more bandages I have on at a time, the more annoying it is when they keep falling off. I have like 6 bandages on right now. I don't want to have to keep doing this, at least not at this scale.

So after I cut tonight (whoops) I made the impulsive decision that I'm going to try to somehow not cut at all until all my current cuts are well-healed and don't need to be bandaged anymore - probably about a week or so. And then I can re-evaluate, and if I want to continue cutting I can make a plan to do it in a more measured, reserved way so it doesn't spiral out of control so easily. Part of the reason I'm making this post is so I can have somewhat more accountability with following through.

So I guess I'd welcome any support, feedback, or advice. Thanks for reading.
Stop. For the simple fact of not worth it.

I know the urge and impulse, I shifted from picking skin in childhood to cutting my feet in early grade school using nail clippers and ripping the skin back. Later on I started cutting with an art knife, hell, I even used an eraser once (causes a burn and then a wound as a result.) - to then cutting using shavers, and then using razor blades. All over my body. It's very fuckin devastating. Not worth it. It's not worth the scarring or the labels of "mentally ill".

I still feel the urge to cut. I am all fucked up in the head all the time, it's bad. Tell you just don't bother with it and move along.
 
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us_1999

us_1999

Fragments of myself
Feb 1, 2021
53
Do you like ear piercing? Or facial piercing? They look good and take time to heal, so in the meanwhile they might distract you from cutting...
 

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