So why do y'all Self Harm

[yellowsouled]

Because it's addictive. I don't do it nearly as much as I used to, but a decade plus of any self destructive behavior creates a pattern it's easy to fall into and hard to claw your way out of.

Usually nowadays only do it under extreme, prolonged stress when the typical escapism or whatever fails me. Sometimes just because the urges pop up. But it's nowhere near the daily ritual it was for me for years. Albeit it tends to be "worse" now (read: drawing blood, once hitting dermis because I forgot New Knife Sharp).

 

[ignorableaurochs]

I actually quit for many years (despite still suffering in other ways) and have relapsed in the last two - including tonight. Even though my ideation is higher now, I don't find it as easy as I used to for some reason.

It's difficult to explain why I am drawn to it. I think there is a physical calming component, but very often I am quite calm when I do it, so I don't think it is to alleviate distress. There is some magical thinking thrown in there around the act itself (I have OCD - hard to explain). The easiest way to explain is that I feel that I 'have' to. I know that is probably not a very satisfactory answer.

 

[rotten]

I do it because it temporarily snaps me out of my thoughts. Usually cutting, but if I'm concerned about hiding it then I'll do needle jabs.

 

[imsotired005]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

Im clean from cutting not necessarily by choice theres some outside factors. I just crave the feeling because its a temporary escape of numbness, it makes me feel something else than the immediate thing that triggered the urges. Doesnt mean I dont SH in other ways I just went from carving my skin to using substances for the same reasons.

 

[3ngel]

U don't have to read all of this post to respond just the next paragraph.

So I'm curious as to why other people self harm. Doesn't matter how u do it. Burn Cut Punch Scratch or bang your head into walls. Why do u do it and how did it start?


Me personally I'm not suicidal any more. I have things that have to happen first before I can die or if certain things happen then it wont matter and I can just die.

But I do cut. I cut a ton. And I have tried other means of SH but I prefer cutting. I do it mostly to release stress or to break out of dissociation. It could also be to just feel something. But I do notice the worse any of those problems are the deeper I go. Also I'm terrified of not having my blades on me. I will always have like at least 2 knives on me.

I don't really remember when it started. My memory is not the greatest furthest I can remember is like 5 months ago. Anything past that is glimpse and pieces of memory. What's even stranger is my memories don't feel like me. Like if u go play a game on some else computer u load up their save and your just there no idea how or why.

This is also why I have a chat log of just me yelling at my future self (who is me) he is rude me. Tells me to kill myself. I know it was me who type all of it but. I can remember it and it doesn't feel like its just my old messages.

I'm rambling any how bye for now.

If you want me to be honest, i usually use self harm as a way to relive my stress or usually when im dissociating. I have a lot of self-image problems and sometimes when I do look myself at the mirror i just feel so fucking ugly that i just want to harm myself. People usually call me beautiful and pretty names like that but i can't see that in myself. Also, I do it for attention too, if u want me to be honest.

 

[Liammm]

Depends. Most of the time, when I cut or pinch etc. it's to disassociate. I don't like being alive and i don't like thinking about being alive, so when I start to remember that I'm real I s/h so that it goes away.

And another... It distracts me. It makes me feel... Alive, in control. Specifically when I give my body away. To be fair, I was sexually assaulted and that might have an effect on it. I don't get to control my life, or my body because of the circumstances I let myself get trapped in (my marriage), so I live for the panic, the guilt, the self hatred-- it's too intoxicating. and I love it.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

It was originally me punishing myself for the wrong I believe I did , now it's more so to relieve stress and to just feel something .
It was originally me punishing myself for the wrong I believe I did , now it's more so to relieve stress and to just feel something .

 

[BulletsOfMercy]

I have BPD and I struggle a lot with sudden, intense feelings of anger, grief, betrayal or self-hate. It feels like so much I can't contain it, but part of me doesn't want to scream or break things or do anything that will let others know I'm struggling. I don't want to feel like a burden. I've been clean from self-harming for a little over a year now but I still deal with the urge frequently. I guess for me it feels like a way or letting my feelings exist outside of just my head so I don't go completely crazy from what I feel

 

[billie]

i don't know what else i can do to deal with my problems

 

[cali22♡]

I can only talk about myself here but I cut myself to release pressure and to feel my body I also want to feel something other than psychological pain

 

[human909]

To stop myself from hurting other or doing anything stupid

 

[TessaMocha]

Ive been cutting since I was 14, first with scissors, then with knives, eventually I went to box cutters and now single/double edge razor blades. I'm 24 and every few months still I end up with a new checkerboard somewhere on my upper arm/thigh. I haven't put scars in show-off places in 5-6 years, most people think I've stopped and my gf is the only one who gets an occasional glance before promptly trying to forget. I just need the release every once in a while.

 

[veinofether]

I cut a lot more when I was younger, now it's less frequent but there are a few causes. Sometimes I feel so numb I want to just feel something. Sometimes I feel too much and I feel like my own brain is a burning building except there's no way to escape your own brain. So I guess as a distraction in times of extreme emotional distress.

A more recent development is punching myself in the head, or headbutting a wall. This one is a lot more embarrassing because I feel like a total fucking nutjob afterwards, especially if someone witnessed it. This feels more dangerous than the cutting for me because of how much RAGE comes out. It's probably giving me mini TBIs.

 

[FoxSauce]

Mostly cutting , hair pulling to the point i have a ball of hair on my desk (idk if thats self harm) pinching myself

I do it for a few reasons
.extreme emotions (helps me reagulate)
. Punishment
.stress
.depression or thoughts insulting me (makes my thoughts shut up)

 

[chandxoxo]

i have recently started self harming by cutting.... been suicidal ever since elementary, had failed attempts in middle school...now in uni and I want to ctb by the end of this semester so the answer to your question is I'm self harming and being on this website to survive the next three months, then I'll order my SN. i need to escape from this

 

[JesiBel]

For me it is a way to release negative emotions, sadness, anger, self-hatred, and remind myself that this world is not worth living in...

 

[death_bed221]

I use to cut myself to feel something. I never had that many friends or partners so I never felt anything. Cutting myself made me feel a part of this world. Yes it was pain, but its was a real feeling.

 

[CutToRelease]

I use to cut myself to feel something. I never had that many friends or partners so I never felt anything. Cutting myself made me feel a part of this world. Yes it was pain, but its was a real feeling.

Same sadly some times I just stop feeling anything at all. Pain is a constant tho. Its a good reminder that I'm still here that when it feels like im out side of my body. That it is still me. I'm still real. Suck but its just how I work.

 

[deikol]

Self Harm Support Thread

I see self harm mentioned a lot on this forum, but never one set area for it. So I wanted to do a thread where people can come and talk freely, seek support, Share images, {but please spoilers first} Self harm goes unnoticed, but its a path many of us walk. Share your story, support and more...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I always wondered why us depressed people SH so I cut my self to see what would happen but it didn't make me feel anything except for the pain of course.

I continued the cut because I liked the way the blood looks and how it flows down. I stopped SH after seeing my body one day in the mirror before a shower, I was so disgusted of myself.