"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[ConfusedClouds]

Thanks @HighFlight I am in a bit of paperwork limbo. But that's kept my brain super distracted and busy with logistics and problem solving (which is a good thing, though maybe a little OTT). Have finally started going through the local gyms for tours and maxing out all their free trial sessions before I commit to one, but means I have got the physical stuff accounted for again as well as exploring the area by foot and bike and am meeting my new manager for a tour on Tuesday (don't actually start for another 2 weeks assuming the last bits of paperwork iron out in time which they really should given the progress I've made so far)

I do have to remind myself that my sense of time is warped. Feels like months (both since arriving and until starting). But I finished my previous summer jobs on last day of Sept (a Mon), signed the new contract Fri, left my old place Sun, by fri I moved into an actual houseshare/local address and I've only been in this room just over a week. Thankfully its en suite and a large quite transient but quiet house so can stay in my room and only really acknowledge others in passing which has helped me settle a lot better. Feel like a puppy with their cage as their safe space they can go and hide in, away from everything and come out as/when things interest them or need doing!

I'm super happy with how both tattoos turned out. One of the tattoos is in an area that a lot of people consider super painful but tbh it was not that bad. However, everything is relative. I have 2 tattoos on my chest already and those were actually painful.

I'm intrigued by peoples ideas behind tattoo designs. Obviously don't reveal details/specifics. Are yours specific images/symbols/words that resonate to smaller individual parts of you. Or more something thats a bigger meaning?

I have only one but its a bigger one. A SH cover up but was just one (larger) scar so the design could incorporate it quite well. Kinda limited by the scar but the artist was amazing and built more of a 'scene' which incorporated a bunch of smaller aspects that were/are significant to me and parts of my life. Can't tell the scar is there at all now (unless you know).

Kinda wish for more, but just hesitant because I just freeze with knowing what design I actually want. The one I got ended up being out of function with the scar which meant the artist had quite a bit of free reign with me just throwing random ideas around.

Getting the 2 sessions made me go super overkill about self care - couldn't bare the thought of getting it infected or damaged or ruining the artists work. Especially after the first session when I didn't know what to expect and knew I was going back to the same artist for second session so they would see how it healed/looked.

 

[lita-lassi]

i havent caught up all the way but im still here. missed you guys. didnt intend to drop off so long, life gets weird. hope everyone had an amazing weekend

 

[SweetItalianS]

I won't get detailed about my life struggles(I've had depression for many years and right now due to life circumstances I live very far from my family) but I wanted to say that I started running after witnessing a major marathon in person and now I do it consistently - running day - rest day - running day - it makes me feel much better both physically and mentally, I didn't have any suicidal thoughts for a few weeks now and it feels great. I hope that it's a start of a white line in my life.

 

[lita-lassi]

therapy today was a lot of crying and feeling redundant

 

[HighFlight]

therapy today was a lot of crying and feeling redundant

But is it helping any?

For me, therapy seems to be an hour when I can go and have an adult discussion with someone on a variety of topics. My therapist is good about asking good and tough questions; most of which I don't have any answer for. But overall, I'm not sure it's helping. And now the wife wants to start couples therapy. :/

 

[Demi-Fiend]

Hell, I'll give this posting a shot, I have nothing to lose!

Originally joined this site with the intent of recovering, and now it seems like I'm going into a more positive direction.
I'm starting to gain acceptance from some of the emotional hurdles I've been facing lately.
The process starts with stopping the process of feeling sorry for myself and starting to see the lesson of things; same can be said with not putting my happiness out there, somewhere. For all is mind and all is attitude.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Thought things were under control but now got full permission to beat myself up because I made a mess of some of the relocation paperwork. Combination of me jumping ahead and trying to be efficient and smart for the future, but then missing/messing up a step that has royally screwed me. But also the mismatch between timings of things. Need patience to wait for some stuff to be sorted/come through in the post. But just can't seemingly deal with patience. Made worse by the fact some stuff can be researched and actioned online 24/7 and gets processed immediately. Which then stitched me up when I realised I should have waited for postal paperwork to come through (could be tomorrow, could be weeks), but now I've done the online steps, they can't be undone.

This restarts my typical spiralling of getting annoyed with myself and the situation. But making it even worse for myself because I objectively know this is such small/insignificant/fixable stuff that is totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of the world, yet there I am beating myself up over it. And then I'm fully caught up in beating myself up over beating myself up over nothing. Which can't be explained to external parties without them focussing on the original 'objective' problem, which I have moved past. Urgh.

In some ways I wish I had started work already so that all this 'sorting out' admin was limited and controlled around office hours with plenty of valid distractions. Rather than giving me 'permission' to sit in bed all day refreshing emails and waiting and also scrolling/researching way too much and feeling broadly crap. Sorry. Rambling again.

 

[lita-lassi]

But is it helping any?

For me, therapy seems to be an hour when I can go and have an adult discussion with someone on a variety of topics. My therapist is good about asking good and tough questions; most of which I don't have any answer for. But overall, I'm not sure it's helping. And now the wife wants to start couples therapy. :/

the honesty and cathersis seems to help in the moment a bit, someone to cry to repeatedly does feel nice, but they generally cant tell patients what steps to take with life which is what i need more than anything so im still often left flailing in the wind feeling all alone despite her obviously rooting for me and wanting to help. therapy is a tool but i feel at times some of us are too handicapped in certain ways to use it effectively. im glad youre still around

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I'm stepping away from the forum. I promised myself last night that after I find out about the outcome for someone on here, I would log off. It could be anywhere from a short break to being permanent. No news would be good news.

I'm so grateful for all the cool peeps I've met on here, but it sucks that we met under circumstances like this. If you liked me then be happy that I'm going in the right direction with my mental health and have a gin and tonic in my honor. If you didn't like me then consider me dead to you if that makes you feel better, and have a gin and tonic to celebrate. I hope that as many as possible of you guys are able to weather the storm and eventually reach a point where life is worth living.

With that in mind, peace out (for at least the next little while).

 

[Demi-Fiend]

I'm stepping away from the forum. I promised myself last night that after I find out about the outcome for someone on here, I would log off. It could be anywhere from a short break to being permanent. No news would be good news.

I'm so grateful for all the cool peeps I've met on here, but it sucks that we met under circumstances like this. If you liked me then be happy that I'm going in the right direction with my mental health and have a gin and tonic in my honor. If you didn't like me then consider me dead to you if that makes you feel better, and have a gin and tonic to celebrate. I hope that as many as possible of you guys are able to weather the storm and eventually reach a point where life is worth living.

With that in mind, peace out (for at least the next little while).

Good luck, @Lady Laudanum, you've made great strides of stability and accomplishment from the few months I've been here lurking. No really, I wish you all the best with your endeavors.

 

[Cloud Busting]

@HighFlight I'm a legend? Aha thanks

Since graduating from an intensive outpatient program I've experienced an increase in cravings. I'm working on staying diligent. I don't want to relapse after 4 1/2 months of sobriety.

 

[HighFlight]

Hell, I'll give this posting a shot, I have nothing to lose!

Welcome to the thread. (Sound like you might have been lurking for awhile, but that's OK.) I'm glad that things are going well with your recovery.

I'm stepping away from the forum. I promised myself last night that after I find out about the outcome for someone on here, I would log off. It could be anywhere from a short break to being permanent. No news would be good news.

I wish you all the best on your journey, and hope that you can find some peace and happiness along the way.

I'm a legend?

Of course you are :)

so im still often left flailing in the wind feeling all alone despite her obviously rooting for me and wanting to help

^^^ So relatable! I've flat out told her that I need assignments, homework, something to focus on between sessions. It never really happens. And then she told be a few weeks back that she didn't think I was able to be helped, until I make an impossible decision - abandon wife and two adult children, or accept being miserable. She not wrong. But still :/

 

[lita-lassi]

^^^ So relatable! I've flat out told her that I need assignments, homework, something to focus on between sessions. It never really happens. And then she told be a few weeks back that she didn't think I was able to be helped, until I make an impossible decision - abandon wife and two adult children, or accept being miserable. She not wrong. But still :/

damn :/ im so sorry to hear that

i decorated my room with led strip lights i can turn any color i want and i feel cool much more comfortable at home now

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Weirdly chilled today. Normally drive myself insane without anything planned but have been in my room all day and not really done much, but the times I started doubting anything I had weird waves of productivity doing some odd tasks that I had already accepted with myself not doing today and added to my plans for the next couple of days.

Maybe something to do with my bike nearly being stolen yesterday and that really upsetting me. The D-lock saved it, but there was damage to the frame from them attempting to break it. Able to bodge/adjust the wheel to run a bit wonky but make it rideable. Had a big cry on the bike ride home. But I'm all or nothing with emotions so was possibly quite good to get a ton out and maybe why I'm more calm today.

Still got to be patient all this week to 'wait out' and hope various paperwork bits come through in the post and that the initial teething problems of settling in start to iron themselves out.

Ok just realised it was only 2 days ago I last posted. Feels like a week, dammit! But Fri PM I did find out my job paperwork is all sorted so I am now on the system and 100% confirmed to start, so I have a roof and a (career-type) job to start. So really can't complain about anything else!!

Apologies for the self-indulgent running commentary. Trying to use it to improve summarising things and persuading myself to see the bigger picture rather than getting caught up in over analysing and over reacting to tiny irrelevant specifics.


Edit...... That was NOT a summary in any way

 

[cheese.out]

Hey guys, havent been here in quite a while, so yeah Im still alive. Opioid addiction is still kicking my ass but Im still fighting.
My depression is acutally very mild, no suicidal thoughts for many months now, so after an extrem long and heavy down Im actually
doing better now but as I said the addiction is ass.
I hope yall good and life isnt too harsh, much love <3

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

It's been a while since I've posted on SS. This time I gravitated towards the recovery side of the forum so in that regard my mental health has improved I guess. Just feeling a lot of pressure from uni and incredibly lonely. I generally like hanging out with my friends but I don't think anyone really cares about my presence or me as a person and frankly neither do I. However I'm grateful these are my most pressing issues. No addiction, no poverty, no chronic pain, a relatively supportive family. The stories I read on here are devastating. Makes me feel more like a POS for being so stuck up in my own issues while I could be out there volunteering, studying harder or at least helping to support my family. But man, I'm so tired.

Just shouting into the void here, you're welcome to call me a privileged brat. Best of luck to your recovery, whoever reads this

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Im still fighting.

Just shouting into the void here, you're welcome to call me a privileged brat. Best of luck to your recovery, whoever reads this

I relate so much to this feeling - 'could always do/have done more'. But we are where we are. In some ways a shame you're back, but welcome to the recovery side of things! It's great to hear that objectively things are more stable/settled for you at the moment. Doesn't stop our brains wandering off to find plenty else to get 'upset' about. If your friends are hanging out with you then they definitely value your presence. Have you got a lot of deadlines coming up with uni, or just the general overall ongoing process of studying?



***********

I'm awkwardly over-positive this evening. Some of my relocation paperwork appointments happened today. Went different to expected, some forward steps, some backwards steps, some sideways. But the big thing is the weight of the pressure of the 'deadline' is gone. I have done all my side of things, I am 'in the system', the pressure is off me. Yes, there's delays but they're not my fault so out of my control but also zero blame nor fines can come my way now. And don't need to 'force' any extra appts tomorrow in my last weekday off for a while (job training starts on Monday). So having a bit of a treat evening - pizza and whisky! Will feel shit tomorrow but I can allow that, gotta roll with allowing it sometimes! And if I get twitchy there's plenty of activity/gym/exercise options - or I can stay in bed snuggled with my giant teddy bear. Get it all out the system before 'ordinary' and 'worker' life kicks back in next week!

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

Have you got a lot of deadlines coming up with uni, or just the general overall ongoing process of studying?

Mostly the studying. I reapplied to a psychology bachelor after dropping out last year. I'm trying my best to keep up with everything but I've never been proficient at studying or keeping a schedule so there's still a lot of trial-and-error involved. It makes me doubt my capabilities a lot, especially keeping up with reading material and regularly rehearsing. I've made massive strides compared to last year, but it's not enough. I don't want to fail my future clients like my therapists and psychologists have failed me and countless others like online anecdotes would suggest. I know I can't perform at my best if I keep berating myself for not having everything figured out from the get-go, but discipline has always been a tight rope for me to cross, and most of my self-worth hangs on trying my best to the point of burn-out. And now I feel guilty for burning out so early, whoop-de-doo.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Have fun with your treat evening!

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Mostly the studying. I reapplied to a psychology bachelor after dropping out last year. I'm trying my best to keep up with everything but I've never been proficient at studying or keeping a schedule so there's still a lot of trial-and-error involved. It makes me doubt my capabilities a lot, especially keeping up with reading material and regularly rehearsing. I've made massive strides compared to last year, but it's not enough. I don't want to fail my future clients like my therapists and psychologists have failed me and countless others like online anecdotes would suggest. I know I can't perform at my best if I keep berating myself for not having everything figured out from the get-go, but discipline has always been a tight rope for me to cross, and most of my self-worth hangs on trying my best to the point of burn-out. And now I feel guilty for burning out so early, whoop-de-doo.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Have fun with your treat evening!

Its so frustrating how the world seems to require you to get a piece of paper/certificate when 90%+ of being good at a job is life experience in the sense of knowing that leaving school is the start not the end of learning. Similar to learning to drive. Theoretically you might be ok at it, and not be stalling at every junction any more. But its only once you've been cut up in traffic or driven through a storm not being able to see anything or enjoyed long summer drives that you really know where your weaknesses are and how you react and adapt to them.

I hope this week's lectures go smoothly for you.

 

[Adûnâi]

I've been feeling rather terrible because my future gf of the vegetable variety has finally rejected me in a narcissistic and low-IQ way after 8 months of everyday texting for 6 hours. Now I officially will never have a handholding experience with a female. Disgusting. And I don't even have anyone to talk to.

 

[HighFlight]

I've been feeling rather terrible because my future gf of the vegetable variety has finally rejected me in a narcissistic and low-IQ way after 8 months of everyday texting for 6 hours. Now I officially will never have a handholding experience with a female. Disgusting. And I don't even have anyone to talk to.

We're here for you. I'm not female, and probably not going to hold your hand, but am always willing to talk. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

 

[lita-lassi]

the lack of motivation is strong recently. ive been hiding from the world, drinking a bit, not going to the gym as often as i wanted to, not getting enough sleep to feel good enough to want to do anything. i even slept through therapy today because i felt too shitty to get up. i dont know what to do anymore to feel accomplished or motivated to keep going. not much works without also overwhelming me. i feel like i should focus on small tasks like reading some books or cooking but im in the mental hole rn where even eating feels like its too much

 

[consider]

I failed three times with SSRIs. so yesterday I bought some supplements as a placebo for the antidepressants. I hope they can help.

 

[eepymumu8]

I've just been struggling with depression for years... I have too much to do lol
But these days, I feel like I'm not the only one struggling. Everyone around me is moving forward, and I feel like I can't just stay where I am...
Am I doing this right? Sorry, it's my first time using this site.

Anyway I hope everyone here finds their own happiness.
I really want to survive this month!! I'll do my best...

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Welcome @eepymumu8 ! I'm new too.

Guys, a few things.

1. I'm too scared of a shotgun in my mouth. I know it's painless, but man. You're not supposed to do that to your head. It's too disrespectful, I guess. Everything else has a survival with brain damage risk or is jumping off a bridge, which fuck no. I could drink N, but that's a dream.

2. Exercise stops the pain. I am in constant anguish but if I push through and wrestle...it's fine for a few hours.

3. Got pills today. Maybe they'll work.

So I'm looking for recovery friends. Sorry I haven't gone through the thread and volunteered to help anyone else yet.

 

[eepymumu8]

Welcome @eepymumu8 ! I'm new too.

Guys, a few things.

1. I'm too scared of a shotgun in my mouth. I know it's painless, but man. You're not supposed to do that to your head. It's too disrespectful, I guess. Everything else has a survival with brain damage risk or is jumping off a bridge, which fuck no. I could drink N, but that's a dream.

2. Exercise stops the pain. I am in constant anguish but if I push through and wrestle...it's fine for a few hours.

3. Got pills today. Maybe they'll work.

So I'm looking for recovery friends. Sorry I haven't gone through the thread and volunteered to help anyone else yet.

Hi onmylastlegs. Yeah, I agree, a gun is a scary method. Anyone would think that... Well, I'm cautious about how to talk about this.

I also enjoy exercising sometimes, though it's just running for me.

I'm glad to hear you're receiving medication treatment! Keep it up.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome @eepymumu8 and @OnMyLast Legs and everyone who joined recently.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

oh boy. doesn't feel like last night. at least I'm about to work out again

 

[HighFlight]

Welcome @eepymumu8 and @OnMyLast Legs and everyone who joined recently.

Agreed, it's been nice to see several new names in the thread. Welcome everyone.

Regarding last night in the US, I know that many of you may be feeling some fear and uncertainty right now, and that's completely valid. It's important to remember that you're not alone—there's a vast community of people who care about you and stand with you. Together, we will continue to advocate for justice, equality, and safety for everyone.

Your identity is valid, your existence is powerful, and your courage in facing these challenges is inspiring. In moments like this, leaning on one another can help us find strength. We can't control everything that happens, but we can control how we support and uplift each other.

Please take care of yourselves and remember that your feelings matter. If you need to talk, please feel free to send me a direct message.

Peace

 

[parader]

I think it's been almost a year since I last posted here, I hope you're all feeling better now than when I last saw you, if just a little bit. <3

Life's been tough lately, I feel like I'm doing so much better mentally that if I had to deal with the things I'm going through now back at 2018 I'd absolutely lose it. Or maybe I'm just deluding myself with the concept of progress to justify how badly I'm still coping with life today. Grief is the absolute worst, nothing compares to it, I thought I knew it all of how messed up and dark emotions could get but nothing could ever prepare me for it. Still, I think I should be dealing better with it all, not drinking as much, not bed rotting all day.

The hardest thing is that right now I feel like I know how to get better, things that work for me and things that doesn't, I just don't feel like I have the energy to put the work into it right now which feels like a cruel joke. So, for now I just wait, I just hold on, I survive. It's all I can afford.