If you die today...

[DyingisHard93]

I would and wouldnt be proud , id be proud of how much i loved and helped people.. I wouldnt be proud of how much i couldnt love or help myself .

 

[rebelsue]

I guess I could say that no matter how many people turn their backs on me, no matter how often I am misunderstood, and now matter how tired I am and how badly I want to die, I keep on going forward. i find a way.

Eventually this story will end though. There's only so many rounds of this a person can take.

 

[ritsulover]

I dont really like the concept of pride

 

[a.n.kirillov]

What would you be proud of?

I'm proud I didn't have a baby, I don't have a criminal record despite self destructive choices, that I lived somewhere besides my home town and I never got married and divorced.

Same things you are proud of. I didn't sell out and rather went down with my own ship. It may sound weird, but I felt good despite alienating people around simply by speaking my truth, even though I knew it was a death sentence. I can have some respect for myself.

 

[Vanity]

I'd be proud of my attitude towards people that don't deserve niceness

 

[Squiddy]

I'd be proud I at least completed my associate's degree, even if I didn't get to my bachelor's (if something like a meteor could kill me now, that'd be nice)

 

[The Dark Chaos]

I'd b be proud of myself for being able to survive in this world..

 

[StillWaiting]

Don't have anything I can be proud of sadly

 

[WinterFaust]

I'm proud of the very things that make want to CTB because I ruined it all but... I'm proud of getting my degree in the major I wanted. I'm proud of managing to escape my childhood home albeit belatedly for a few years and live with someone I loved. I'm proud of holding a few jobs for a while before having a breakdown. I'm proud of the creative writing I've done. I'm proud of the fact that I worked hard to be a good, non-toxic friend and partner and tried to create a safe space for those I loved even if I failed in the end. Even if it wasn't good enough, I did my best. Even if it doesn't feel like it, I tried.

 

[Donk]

ive always been someone who's afriad of expressing my thoughts. im proud that ive been able to share my thoughts and feelings on this forum. it helps that members are so supportive and nonjudgemental.

 

[whitetea]

I'm proud I have always stood up against injustice, abuse and inequality - I've always stuck to my principles no matter what is on the line. It's cost me a lot but every one of us owe it it to those without a voice to speak up.

I'm proud I've always fought for my son. I've never given up on him even when the rest of the world did. I kept pushing and fighting his corner. I always pushed and pushed to get him any help he needed. I have spent months having sleepless nights making sure I secured his future - so he has a chance at normality.

And similar to @Vanity i'm proud of my attitude towards people that do not deserve my kindness. I'm proud Ive been nothing but kind to those that have hurt me, abused me, broke my trust and damaged me.

 

[oneess]

If I die this moment I will probably be proud of the fact that I honestly after many years acknowledges myself as a survivor and not a victim. It's one of my biggest achievements, doesn't help me much with the covid situation but before that it really helped my recovery.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I wouldn't be proud of anything, I'd be dead.

 

[Vault of Memories]

I think I'd be proud that I'm finally dead, can't really think of anything else. Maybe I left some good memories for others, during my time here.

 

[LadyApple]

I would be proud that even though I'm really good looking but I never fucked around. I kept my body and spirit clean.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

What would you be proud of?

I'm proud I didn't have a baby, I don't have a criminal record despite self destructive choices, that I lived somewhere besides my home town and I never got married and divorced.

Why are you proud of never having children? If you don't mind me asking. I've struggled to have children and infertility has always been a sore spot for myself personally. It's difficult to understand how someone could be proud of not having kids when i feel shame.

 

[Oyoy]

Why are you proud of never having children? If you don't mind me asking. I've struggled to have children and infertility has always been a sore spot for myself personally. It's difficult to understand how someone could be proud of not having kids when i feel shame.

I'm so sorry you have not consieved.
I am not fit to be a mom. I don't like this world. I am way too selfish. I have done too many drugs and have sexual ptsd. I wouldn't want to be my baby.
Do you crave giving birth? Would you adopt.?

 

[Quinlor]

Actually there isn't nothing to be proud in relation to me... Nothing that come to my mind easily. Maybe I will be proud of take the right decision, to disappear to not hurt emotionally anymore the people around me or that one day were close to me...

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I'm so sorry you have not consieved.
I am not fit to be a mom. I don't like this world. I am way too selfish. I have done too many drugs and have sexual ptsd. I wouldn't want to be my baby.
Do you crave giving birth? Would you adopt.?

I have conceived but only with great difficulty and many months of disappointment. I have secondary infertility. I also have a past involving drug use etc but I've matured and haven't done drugs in a long time, other than smoking weed. Sexual ptsd sounds like a trip. I'm sorry if you were abused and that prevents you from having sex. Yes I do crave giving birth. I find that desire very overwhelming. And the inability to easily fulfill that desire I find depressing. I don't think I'm a candidate to adopt, since I'm not wealthy and don't necessarily have a great look on paper with regard to my personal situation. Thanks for your reply i find it helpful to learn about others perspectives.

 

[Oyoy]

I have conceived but only with great difficulty and many months of disappointment. I have secondary infertility. I also have a past involving drug use etc but I've matured and haven't done drugs in a long time, other than smoking weed. Sexual ptsd sounds like a trip. I'm sorry if you were abused and that prevents you from having sex. Yes I do crave giving birth. I find that desire very overwhelming. And the inability to easily fulfill that desire I find depressing. I don't think I'm a candidate to adopt, since I'm not wealthy and don't necessarily have a great look on paper with regard to my personal situation. Thanks for your reply i find it helpful to learn about others perspectives.

Thanks for your reply too. I still have sex. My past just sucks!

 

[Dead.Marilyn.Sad]

I don't know... it doesn't matter how many cool things I have done I never feel satisfied

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I have conceived but only with great difficulty and many months of disappointment. I have secondary infertility. I also have a past involving drug use etc but I've matured and haven't done drugs in a long time, other than smoking weed. Sexual ptsd sounds like a trip. I'm sorry if you were abused and that prevents you from having sex. Yes I do crave giving birth. I find that desire very overwhelming. And the inability to easily fulfill that desire I find depressing. I don't think I'm a candidate to adopt, since I'm not wealthy and don't necessarily have a great look on paper with regard to my personal situation. Thanks for your reply i find it helpful to learn about others perspectives.

Just try to think about how you are evaluating this act of creating a new person. Nowhere have you wrote about the person themselves, their welfare, what good they could potentially do in the world one day, that they could be well educated by you and nourished into a healthy person, who enjoys his life, etc.. all you say is "I want". If you don't fullfil the requirements for adoption, then you should not create a new person in my opinion. These requirements are there for a reason: they evaluate whether you are fit to enable this child to grow into a healthy human being.

Having children (eventual person's) simply out of desire (sexual desire, loneliness, being afraid of dying alone, etc) is instrumentalizing the fate and welfare of another human being for your own welfare, which most likely won't improve very much through having children anyway. We as need-machines aren't designed to be fulfilled. Your baseline of happiness will most likely drop after an initial high to exactly where it was before, while your worries and stress will increase significantly.

This is only my opinion, but you should be mentally prepared to let go of this child (person), which means being ready for it to become independant, sever ties with you and most importantly die, before even thinking about having it. If you use it to fill a void in your life—as my mother did—you will fuck this person up. So maybe meditate for a while on all the things that could happen to it and w i l l happen to it. Imagine the child as an autistic child, a child born blind, without limbs; the child having an accident or having a stroke at thirty years old; the grown up child as homeless, a drug addict, a rape victim; the child as an old person suffering through ten years of Alzheimer's or four rounds of chemotherapy. Don't just see cute baby socks and strollers in your mind beforehand, because that will be a very small part of it and only a brief period of your relationship with it.

Good luck
.
Imagine your child browsing SS, just as you are doing right now, and having several failed suicide attempts. This is not unlikely.

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

Saving a life.

 

[Oyoy]

I admire that your a hero. Are you in the medical field?

 

[HeartbrokenViking1]

No. I just helped someone get through suicide, anorexia and a bunch of other stuff over a few years and she thanked me very much for saving her life. And I am glad I at least can put that on my list of positive impacts in this world.
Hopefully I can help more people once I have managed to save my own life...
And I want to make clear, she said I did, I am not trying to take praise or something... But it does feel good knowing that shes happy now.

 

[itsamadworld]

I don't know... it doesn't matter how many cool things I have done I never feel satisfied

I feel the same..

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I'd be proud of... Finally being true to myself having left my narcissistic parents and coming out and just being myself.

I'd be proud of having lived this long.. Sort of.

I'd be proud of having died on my own terms.

 

[Dead.Marilyn.Sad]

I feel the same..

I never know if I am: ambitious, ungrateful, perfectionist or insecure... And about you?

 

[maru.]

I wouldn't be proud of anything, only ashamed tbh.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Proud that I never destroyed anyone's life. That I never had a baby. That I never fell for anyone's bullshit. That I'm not even one percent as bad as I'm portrayed, even tho I could have become. And proud that I learnt to love and respect myself most of the time, even tho I have a lot of reasons to not do so.