Venting I'm envious of happy people

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

In the past, I've being in chat rooms and other online places where everyone seemed so fine with everything, and that made me desperate to fit in, like it was not normal to be unhappy. I often become envious of people that are healthy and happy, even if I do nothing to make myself healthy and happy. It just seems they had it handled to them on a silver platter. Even here in the forums, often I feel envy over others. I feel terrible for that, like I should just stop interacting with people so I don't get envious of how other people are.

Sometimes I also feel like people stop interacting with me because I'm just not happy, and they don't want someone unhappy in their lives. That just furthers me into isolation...oh my sweet puppets, I cannot envy you, for I am you, and you are me...Maybe that's the self love people talk so much...heheh...

 

[Crow_88]

I'm a downer and people can tell. And they don't want anything to do with me because of it.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I'm a downer and people can tell. And they don't want anything to do with me because of it.

That's why we are all here on SaSu. If everyone's a downer, nobody's a downer! Come here fellow downer, have a bear hug!

 

[Crow_88]

That's why we are all here on SaSu. If everyone's a downer, nobody's a downer! Come here fellow downer, have a bear hug!

Lol. Well put together. If the average is downer, than that's okay! And thanks for the big ol' hug buddy!

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I may be a downer when by myself, but when you guys need it I'm an upper! For some reason I just love caring for people other than myself, much like a mother or brother.

But still, a few months earlier I joined a community on Revolt. Seemed ok people, but they just constantly ignored me, and when I was like "please talk to me" they just showed me the exit. I mean, it was their community, but it really felt like they didn't want someone like me around.

 

[LastNite]

Same I constantly envy my therapist. She's always smiling. Feels like Im the only one who isnt in this world.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

Same I constantly envy my therapist. She's always smiling. Feels like Im the only one who isnt in this world.

Well, you're in SaSu. There's enough of us to at least make you feel like you're not alone. I'm not happy, maybe not as sad some in this site, but I'm not happy, and I'm not afraid of saying it.

 

[waitin2go]

where everyone seemed so fine with everything, and that made me desperate to fit in

News flash: a lot of people only appear to be fine with everything. Source: my past self (I still do it a lot too, old habits die hard after all. I don't know if I have an "authentic self", the buzzword that won't die)

Masking is real, and a lot of people either were forced to mask early on at life or managed to do it somehow because of the incessant "fake it till you make it" rhetoric.

Of course, there would be people who are genuinely happy and smiley all the time, but, coming from a former high masker myself, you wouldn't know unless you face another high masker - even then, it's hard to tell apart

I'm a downer and people can tell. And they don't want anything to do with me because of it.

So sorry you're going through this.

(Also source: past self) they don't want anything to do with it because they have to face their own inner downer that's reflected onto them when around someone who isn't masking their downer.

I avoided/faded from a good friend because I couldn't hold space for her down side (looking back, I still can't tell if it was because I wasnt strong enough to hold space for her or if it was actual trauma-dumping - I most definitely felt utterly depleted every time I forced myself to "be a listening ear" to return the favour because outside of those, she always encouraged me to go out and live life; without her I'd have been way more of a hermit/recluse at the time)

I don't know if sharing that helped... it doesn't make me feel better lol, just that I was a crap friend (except, she's doing better now at least that's what I get from her social media so I'm at least comforted by that) - just hope you could have a little bit of understanding that it's not all you but yet your envy is justified, because though lots of people are masking, there most definitely are people out there who are genuinely happy

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm one of those people that is always smiling. Sometimes it's genuine, sometimes it's not (I work in retail). Honestly, the more I smile, the less I have nosy people asking questions.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

News flash: a lot of people only appear to be fine with everything. Source: my past self (I still do it a lot too, old habits die hard after all. I don't know if I have an "authentic self", the buzzword that won't die)

Masking is real, and a lot of people either were forced to mask early on at life or managed to do it somehow because of the incessant "fake it till you make it" rhetoric.

Of course, there would be people who are genuinely happy and smiley all the time, but, coming from a former high masker myself, you wouldn't know unless you face another high masker - even then, it's hard to tell apart


So sorry you're going through this.

(Also source: past self) they don't want anything to do with it because they have to face their own inner downer that's reflected onto them when around someone who isn't masking their downer.

I avoided/faded from a good friend because I couldn't hold space for her down side (looking back, I still can't tell if it was because I wasnt strong enough to hold space for her or if it was actual trauma-dumping - I most definitely felt utterly depleted every time I forced myself to "be a listening ear" to return the favour because outside of those, she always encouraged me to go out and live life; without her I'd have been way more of a hermit/recluse at the time)

I don't know if sharing that helped... it doesn't make me feel better lol, just that I was a crap friend (except, she's doing better now at least that's what I get from her social media so I'm at least comforted by that) - just hope you could have a little bit of understanding that it's not all you but yet your envy is justified, because though lots of people are masking, there most definitely are people out there who are genuinely happy

I understand the fact that a lot of people mask, but wouldn't it be better if less people masked? That way everyone would feel like they fit in more because they can see everyone's flawed. I know peer pressure is real and very strong but what if the peer pressure was against masking? Hmm...

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Yup, can relate

Well, you're in SaSu. There's enough of us to at least make you feel like you're not alone. I'm not happy, maybe not as sad some in this site, but I'm not happy, and I'm not afraid of saying it.

I can relate. I'm SO thankful for SaSu - it has made the past 6 months livable and think this is the only place on the planet I feel authentic to be me, and not a lot of judgment.

I have no friends, and very few family, and so having 'this' as a space has been good. I don't have community so it feels nice to feel like there are people who get it. I wish I had one of them in person but no way to find them in a big city. Still, it's good to feel like people 'get' it. This will be one of the few places I'll be sad to not see when I am gone.

 

[anonymouswebuser]

In the past, I've being in chat rooms and other online places where everyone seemed so fine with everything, and that made me desperate to fit in, like it was not normal to be unhappy. I often become envious of people that are healthy and happy, even if I do nothing to make myself healthy and happy. It just seems they had it handled to them on a silver platter. Even here in the forums, often I feel envy over others. I feel terrible for that, like I should just stop interacting with people so I don't get envious of how other people are.

Sometimes I also feel like people stop interacting with me because I'm just not happy, and they don't want someone unhappy in their lives. That just furthers me into isolation...oh my sweet puppets, I cannot envy you, for I am you, and you are me...Maybe that's the self love people talk so much...heheh...

God, I feel every word here because this is what I've been experiencing for the past 2 years and it's the number one thing that makes me miserable

it's just an infinite loop: I see people happy when I'm not, I feel envious and even more depressed, they isolate themselves from me because I'm a negative individual, I slowly start talking to them again in a desperate attempt to fit in then it all repeats over and over again
it just became a hobby to find flaws in my own life and the blessings in others' lives

I've been trying to practise gratitude and journaling so I can find blessings in my own life as well but I can't say it's easy, some days i'll run out of things to say

either way you're not alone, i hope you, myself and others who relate can find a way to break free from this toxic pattern

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

God, I feel every word here because this is what I've been experiencing for the past 2 years and it's the number one thing that makes me miserable

it's just an infinite loop: I see people happy when I'm not, I feel envious and even more depressed, they isolate themselves from me because I'm a negative individual, I slowly start talking to them again in a desperate attempt to fit in then it all repeats over and over again
it just became a hobby to find flaws in my own life and the blessings in others' lives

I've been trying to practise gratitude and journaling so I can find blessings in my own life as well but I can't say it's easy, some days i'll run out of things to say

either way you're not alone, i hope you, myself and others who relate can find a way to break free from this toxic pattern

Thanks for your testimony. Yeah, it's a desperation to just have attention because you felt so lonely for so long you just NEED attention NOW!

If you ever need some attention, you can count on me to give you. I know how it feels to be ignored, and I wish that on nobody.