Everyday I feel a bit angry at myself for very small things ngl. I don't want to let that anger control me and ruin my life. I also don't want people to notice. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just not ready for it? I just want to immediately be hospilatized or taken away or something. I don't my friends to ask me stupid questions about it. I don't care anymore. Just take me. I want to help people so bad. It takes my life away. I want to escape. I love my friends. I don't want them to see the monster I sometimes am; Sorry for sounding edgy.
moonlightbeach
close your eyes and you'll leave this dream
- Jul 14, 2025
- 91
not edgy at all. i had these thoughts before my attempt actually. so i will proceed with caution. maybe do call the hospital if you're not ready that it might become worse in a month or two.
Cowboy_Kid
Member
- Feb 18, 2023
- 63
It's not edgy. I also struggle a lot with anger. Something that helps me is kind of gaslighting myself into thinking good thoughts, lol.
Something I do is focus, and I mean really focus on actively going out of your way to think and to act good - you see a homeless person on the street? Go out of your way to find an ATM, withdraw some cash, come back to the man. You see a person struggling with carrying heavy stuff? Offer help. You hear a group of teenagers being loud and annoying? Try to be happy for them, and hope they will grow out of the loud immature phase (well...not all do, but oh well).
I find that doing things helps my brain to stay focused in the moment and not drift into some very, very dark thoughts I'm not even comfortable sharing even on a forum like this. And, even though you can really help the thoughts...you can help somebody with your actions. Making a difference, one small act of kindness at a time.
Also, I don't think you are a monster, I don't think monsters exist. Also, i think it's very good that you are so aware and you clearly care about your friends and you want to help people.
Something I do is focus, and I mean really focus on actively going out of your way to think and to act good - you see a homeless person on the street? Go out of your way to find an ATM, withdraw some cash, come back to the man. You see a person struggling with carrying heavy stuff? Offer help. You hear a group of teenagers being loud and annoying? Try to be happy for them, and hope they will grow out of the loud immature phase (well...not all do, but oh well).
I find that doing things helps my brain to stay focused in the moment and not drift into some very, very dark thoughts I'm not even comfortable sharing even on a forum like this. And, even though you can really help the thoughts...you can help somebody with your actions. Making a difference, one small act of kindness at a time.
Also, I don't think you are a monster, I don't think monsters exist. Also, i think it's very good that you are so aware and you clearly care about your friends and you want to help people.
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