Story I’m so sorry

[lostintheloop]

I know an apology isn't enough, nor anywhere near it, but here goes. I'm really sorry for everyone who has wasted time and energy on me. I'm sorry for all the moaning and crap. I can never forgive myself for any bad things that have happened to anyone because of me . I'm sorry things are already getting messed up because of me.
I can't apologise enough if the world now falls apart because of me. I've had so much time to fix the glitch by ctb.
I will do it this time. I have to. I promise.
I hope it works. I hope I save the world.
But please know I tried. If it's too late and it still all goes to shit I'm sorry .

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Non matter what you my friend, you know the World still need your light

 

[Hvergelmir]

It's not too late. There's no time limit.
Your actions have not had any significant effect on the world at large. Mind control by technological means does not exist. Mind control by other means is very imprecise and unreliable.

You've proven yourself capable of reasoning in the past, but you're flailing back and fourth between high level reasoning and delusion.
The glitches are neurological. Either something is weirdly wired, or some biochemical conditions is shorting some connection, or causing neurons to misfire.
Your observations and conclusions simply doesn't align with the consensus of other independent actors. Please have some faith in the overwhelming consensus of others.

I wish you the very best. Even if you choose to disregard my conclusions, know that it's well meant.
I think you should consult a psychiatrist, and possibly get a neurologist in on it.

 

[Adûnâi]

I don't know the lore, but the world might keep on existing regardless of your actions, with all its imperfections.

 

[SVEN]

It's all good with you and us, TtD.
I get how concerned you are about any imagined consequences to us unintentionally caused by yourself; but, honest, most of us are just as worried about you.
Please be kind to yourself and don't be a stranger on here.
Best wishes.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I know an apology isn't enough, nor anywhere near it, but here goes. I'm really sorry for everyone who has wasted time and energy on me. I'm sorry for all the moaning and crap. I can never forgive myself for any bad things that have happened to anyone because of me . I'm sorry things are already getting messed up because of me.
I can't apologise enough if the world now falls apart because of me. I've had so much time to fix the glitch by ctb.

Thank you for staying here for so long despite repeated attempts "who control the world" have made to force you to CTB. And I'm so sorry you've endured this crushing guilt. You don't need to feel sorry, we're grateful to you for not CTB'ing.

Note: about "who control the world":

Not ready to die

As the deadline approaches (I have no choice as have to save the world from disaster), I realise I’m not ready. I have no idea why as I really don’t want to be alive, I have no desire for any of life, and I’ve attempted before. But some pathetic part of me is holding on. I’m scared and not ready...

sanctioned-suicide.net

As the deadline approaches (I have no choice as have to save the world from disaster), I realise I'm not ready. I have no idea why as I really don't want to be alive, I have no desire for any of life, and I've attempted before. But some pathetic part of me is holding on. I'm scared and not ready to go but I don't have a choice. I've tried but professionals can't help (yes i've been getting help for 'psychosis' so dont bother suggesting that).

And i'm so scared for others getting caught up in my method but it's the way it is already set by those who control the world and nothing I can do.

You're very strong, not pathetic, I think.
(Sorry for quoting what the OP wrote on another thread.)

I will do it this time. I have to. I promise.
I hope it works. I hope I save the world.
But please know I tried. If it's too late and it still all goes to shit I'm sorry .

I still have hope that "who control the world" go away before you're gone, but I don't know exactly what you're experiencing.
Please don't surrender to them if you can.
(I know many people here pointed out the OP is likely to have psychosis, and I agree, but I don't discuss about it for now.)

I'm so sorry you're still in great pain, but thank you again for staying alive, at least for now

 

[lostintheloop]

Thank you all so much
You are all too kind and understanding.
I don't deserve it .
I am really extremely sorry

I think this is it for me

 

[opheliaoveragain]

we are here with you no matter what.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hey don't be sorry everything is gonna be alright I promise and I really hope you can stay with us, the world needs you and wants you to be here.

 

[Whale_bones]

Our interactions have been nothing but positive for me. On a personal level, my life has remained at the same level in terms of events, no new bad news, since I've been interacting with you. And quite a few people here have reported the same; I know we don't account for everyone, but I figure it's just good to let you know that you don't have to worry about the people on this site atleast.

I would be sad to see you go, because you've expressed that you don't feel this is the right time for you. I know you deal with a lot of conflicts because of the system, and you're trying to work out a difficult balancing act to do what's right. Just know that many of us are happy to have you as a member here, and will gladly keep chatting with you whenever you're here.

 

[lostintheloop]

Thank you everyone so much, truly you are a wonderful, compassionate bunch of people .

I feel sick thinking about it, too numb to cry, it doesn't feel real but I think tomorrow is the day. No more fucking around. I keep treating this like some game when the whole world is going to fall apart. No more being in denial.
I wish it could end on my terms, but sadly it can't and that's life. I'm really afraid but tomorrow it has to be.

Thank you and wish you all well. I truly hope you all find some peace in some way

 

[Tesha]

Hi @timetodie24

I have to admit, I'm selfishly quite sad reading your last message. I know it's not what you want, but I understand you feel that it's the best course of action to protect the majority.

I just wanted to remind you that as a community we're not going anywhere. We're here to listen and support. We generally don't judge. We understand that choice is important and changing your mind is all part of the process.

I don't have constant access to the internet at the moment, so I just wanted to pass on my gratitude for the conversations we've had while I'm able.

And for what it's worth… nothing bad has happened to me recently; in many respects it's been quite the opposite.

 

[Alabaster]

Hello again. I don't share your beliefs and I don't want to stick my nose in, but I wonder if you've considered the possibility that the glitch you're worried about can be patched around? Maybe that's why nothing bad has happened yet. And maybe you can take part in the patching, by doing good things in your life... I hope you can consider the possibility that you're about to act on outdated information. Even if there was a glitch, maybe there isn't any more. Designers of systems can usually debug them, or maybe this one can debug itself. Anyway, I wish you well and hope you can find a way through, not to death but to life.

 

[lostintheloop]

Hi @timetodie24

I have to admit, I'm selfishly quite sad reading your last message. I know it's not what you want, but I understand you feel that it's the best course of action to protect the majority.

I just wanted to remind you that as a community we're not going anywhere. We're here to listen and support. We generally don't judge. We understand that choice is important and changing your mind is all part of the process.

I don't have constant access to the internet at the moment, so I just wanted to pass on my gratitude for the conversations we've had while I'm able.

And for what it's worth… nothing bad has happened to me recently; in many respects it's been quite the opposite.

Thank you so much for all your kindness and support on here. I really do appreciate it .
I really hope the trauma clinic is helping you.
Take care

 

[lostintheloop]

I really am grateful for so many people on here . Who have taken the time to understand, empathise and try to help . It's horrible that such selfless, kind people are in so much pain.
And i'm very sorry for any pain i have caused and if my ctb doesnt put it right.

I'm terrible with words and writing things takes a lot of effort atm so sorry. I wish i could express this better.

I'm scared and confused. It is both nervewracking and relieving that I could be already gone by this time tomorrow. I hope this won't be a false alarm this time.


Much Gratitude and peace to all

 

[Hvergelmir]

I hope this won't be a false alarm this time.

I hope it is. It seems misguided and tragic to let those voices coerce you to throwing your life away.
You'd do much better if you somehow managed to completely disregard them. They're no threat to anyone but yourself, and they have no real power without you acting for them.

 

[Whale_bones]

I really am grateful for so many people on here . Who have taken the time to understand, empathise and try to help . It's horrible that such selfless, kind people are in so much pain.
And i'm very sorry for any pain i have caused and if my ctb doesnt put it right.

I'm terrible with words and writing things takes a lot of effort atm so sorry. I wish i could express this better.

I'm scared and confused. It is both nervewracking and relieving that I could be already gone by this time tomorrow. I hope this won't be a false alarm this time.


Much Gratitude and peace to all

I feel the same sad yearning knowing that a compassionate and thoughtful person like yourself has to struggle with the burdens you do. You've already fought through so much, all the while considering others' well being, and my wish for you would be to have this choice be 100% yours, with no outside pressures.

Fate and destiny are a confusing, twisting road for even the wisest people in this world, and if it turns out to be a false alarm, you know we'll welcome you with open arms. Sending the gratitude and peace right back at you

 

[lostintheloop]

I hope it is. It seems misguided and tragic to let those voices coerce you to throwing your life away.
You'd do much better if you somehow managed to completely disregard them. They're no threat to anyone but yourself, and they have no real power without you acting for them.

It's not misguided or tragic. I have no life to throw away and I'm not even real so it's not like I really die when don't exist in the first place.
They are a threat and have already hurt people I care about and saved people when I obeyed them. So I trust them.
But thank you for your kindness and I wish you well

I feel the same sad yearning knowing that a compassionate and thoughtful person like yourself has to struggle with the burdens you do. You've already fought through so much, all the while considering others' well being, and my wish for you would be to have this choice be 100% yours, with no outside pressures.

Fate and destiny are a confusing, twisting road for even the wisest people in this world, and if it turns out to be a false alarm, you know we'll welcome you with open arms. Sending the gratitude and peace right back at you

thank you for all the kindness and understanding you've shown me . It has meant a lot to me. I wish you well

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I hope to keep seeing you around. Maybe its selfish. But like many have said, and I too before, if you aren't ready, don't do it

What did you think of the patch idea like software designers indeed use?
I don't think you are a glitch. But I know you do.. I hope you'll find peace if you go through with it