I’m trying to hold on

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

I'm trying so hard to hold on for my friends. I know I got friends who will miss me and I should feel grateful since plenty don't. But the escape is consuming my thoughts. I don't know how long I can keep fighting. I'm tired. I'm hoping the meds will help. But I'm seriously thinking of finding a way to cut tonight just to relieve some of it. Problem is my friend took all my sharps away so I got nothing. I don't want to be a burden and reach out. I'm plus they think I'm one of the strongest person they know. They think I'm doing better. And they have begged me to not go through it. I'm just a failure. My disability got worse so I can't walk right and can't climb or hike anymore. It was the one thing that gave me joy.