Story Incel-Manchild Adventures pt 3: LMFAO Edition

[BeansOfRequirement]

I go to my usual partial spot, some guy is sitting there. I try exploring the surrounding area and run into a bunch of people, when I have time to myself I am unable to find any trees. I decide to go to a spot that might be ok-ish to jump from and just check things out, get a feel for if it's lethal or not. I find the spot, it's not high enough so I drink some of my remaining whiskey and sing to myself whilst getting attacked by my thoughts and seeing couples on the streets beneath me. Pain.

I decide to try partial and start looking for a good branch, takes a while as usual. Eventually I find a branch in a secluded area, I set up a bowline + slipknot. I try out placing the knot in different positions, I never get close to closing any blood vessels but always have a hard time breathing or swallowing. It seems that the only thing I can close is the trachea.

I keep at it and try different body positions along with different knot positions. During my last attempt I look up and see some guy that walked up to me without me noticing. I don't have any reaction since I'm so dead inside, I just look up at him like nothing is happening (because to me nothing is really happening) and ask him "What's up?". I untie the bowline and tell him that I'm doing it for "sexual purposes" and ask him if he usually walks around here. I acknowledge that the act is dangerous and agree with him that we "surely don't want people actually killing themselves around here" when he spouts some pro-life rubbish. He obviously isn't buying my story and asks me some questions about me that I give false answers to.

Guy is thankfully very chill and and I say goodbye to him and walk home, if it was a Karen I might be admitted right now haha. I consider this a win since I got some partial practice in, I'm not sure how I am supposed to actually be able to crash into the rope and hold it for ten seconds, the pain and SI kicks in immediately for me. If I had a gun I would be dead by now, it's ridiculous how hard society makes suicide.

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

Absolutely loled
Something between Dazai from Bungo stray dogs and Sensei from Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Absolutely loled

Forgot to mention that the guy also felt the need to mention having had a girlfriend in the past as to clarify that he's not gay since he tried to establish rapport by claiming to also have jacked off in the woods.

 

[yive]

If I had a gun I would be dead by now, it's ridiculous how hard society makes suicide.

same... i'm so tired. it's fucking torture... i just need a fucking gun to end this hell asap.
thank you for sharing your experience

 

[SweetDreams500]

lol maybe the dude was into it or something

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

Forgot to mention that the guy also felt the need to mention having had a girlfriend in the past as to clarify that he's not gay since he tried to establish rapport by claiming to also have jacked off in the woods.

kek think I'll left note on my body "say no homo or very homo before you'll try to safe me"

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

JFL. I love these stories so much. "Sexual purposes"

 

[BrokenArrow]

I lost it when you said "What's up?" to that guy while hanging urself...hope you're doing ok bro, but that was a good laugh

 

[Symbiote]

Forgot to mention that the guy also felt the need to mention having had a girlfriend in the past as to clarify that he's not gay since he tried to establish rapport by claiming to also have jacked off in the woods.

You're probably at his favorite jack off spot in the woods. Suicide just inconveniences people like a person that needed a good wank, but would've found a dead guy hanging at his spot. Instant buzzkill....or new kink?

 

[Celerity]

Forgot to mention that the guy also felt the need to mention having had a girlfriend in the past as to clarify that he's not gay since he tried to establish rapport by claiming to also have jacked off in the woods.

Lol, this story just gets better and better.

 

[Carrotcake]

Thank you for letting us in on your adventures. My adventures consist of doing nothing. "What's up" great assertion of dominance.

 

[Saki]

necrophilia kink hitting the dude

Instant buzzkill....or new kink?

 

[BandAddict]

This series needs a budget, for real. Favourite part so far.

"What's up", and "sexual purposes" XD

I'm glad he didn't give you any trouble. You handled that really well. I would have probably shit myself, ngl.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

GenesAndEnvironment: Is in the woods

The other man:

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I'm glad he didn't give you any trouble. You handled that really well. I would have probably shit myself, ngl.

Thanks, I was socially anxious before all of this suicidal depression and life-failures tbh. I guess nerves of steel in certain situations is something good that came out of it.

I lost it when you said "What's up?" to that guy while hanging urself...hope you're doing ok bro, but that was a good laugh

I'm always smiling.

 

[Makko]

necrophilia kink hitting the dude

According to reports, goes especially well with pegging.

 

[hahabye]

Are there no forests not full of people where you are from? Just curious.

 

[Makko]

Are there no forests not full of people where you are from? Just curious.

There are plenty of such forests but you need to get a bit away from town. The "local" forests are basically parks, which is his problem.

 

[Celerity]

There are plenty of such forests but you need to get a bit away from town. The "local" forests are basically parks, which is his problem.

Yeah, man. My area is too populated. I know I have to go out in the middle of nowhere to CTB undisturbed.

 

[hahabye]

There are plenty of such forests but you need to get a bit away from town. The "local" forests are basically parks, which is his problem.

Ah alright. It is so strange to me that one would choose to attempt to ctb where there's even a slight chance of being seen. I don't even feel that comfortable seeing people during my regular walks at the park. So I'd definitely make the additional effort to go out of town.

But at least OP gets "funny" stories out of it...

 

[Celerity]

Ah alright. It is so strange to me that one would choose to attempt to ctb where there's even a slight chance of being seen. I don't even feel that comfortable seeing people during my regular walks at the park. So I'd definitely make the additional effort to go out of town.

But at least OP gets "funny" stories out of it...

"Funny"? These are comedy gold. Funny doesn't cover it. Somebody should make a dark comedy with some of these scenes.

 

[hahabye]

"Funny"? These are comedy gold. Funny doesn't cover it. Somebody should make a dark comedy with some of these scenes.

Haha well I put funny in quotes since to me the stories resemble tragicomedy way more than pure comedy

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

In the event you do manage to succeed one of these days, I'm gonna miss ya Genes, especially for great stories like these. Also in the event you do find a nice spot I hope you at least leave some goodbyes first only if you want to though.

 

[HenryHobkins]

I untie the bowline and tell him that I'm doing it for "sexual purposes"

haha thats hilarious and genius at the same time. Make him uncomfortable so he pisses off

 

[BandAddict]

In the event you do manage to succeed one of these days, I'm gonna miss ya Genes, especially for great stories like these. In the event you do find a nice spot I hope you at least leave some goodbyes first only if you want to though.

I second this ^^^

 

[Celerity]

Haha well I put funny in quotes since to me the stories resemble tragicomedy way more than pure comedy

I mean, that's fair, but that's almost all I laugh at now.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

There are plenty of such forests but you need to get a bit away from town. The "local" forests are basically parks, which is his problem.

Ah alright. It is so strange to me that one would choose to attempt to ctb where there's even a slight chance of being seen. I don't even feel that comfortable seeing people during my regular walks at the park. So I'd definitely make the additional effort to go out of town.

But at least OP gets "funny" stories out of it...

Well, just yesterday I sat alone at a good spot with a very strong branch for several hours. I am still in the stage of learning partial. If I get lucky and start fading out I might abort it or not, depending on my motivation at that second. But so far I can either crush the windpipe (knot in the back) or just hang and not feel any passing out (knot at the front).

I am very, very, very lazy and do not want to expend physical or mental energy on this shit tbh. If I managed to feel myself pass out and abort the attempt then I could see myself somehow travelling to a real forest or at least using these forest-parks during night-time for a real attempt.

I am not desperate to die and I am not afraid of getting admitted or whatever, my life is already over and it's always the same high level of pain that I can actually deal with. I'm like a fat cat pawing at the toy of death lethargically. If I had a gun or SN/N or a good gas rig then I'd be toast. But I don't have the wherewithal to acquire that shit tbh.

If you don't find it funny the ignore button is an option :=)

In the event you do manage to succeed one of these days, I'm gonna miss ya Genes, especially for great stories like these. Also in the event you do find a nice spot I hope you at least leave some goodbyes first only if you want to though.

I second this ^^^

Lol, it looks like I'm going to be here semi-involuntarily for a while longer. I suck at partial and my neck is made of steel or something. Thanks for the love guys!

 

[hahabye]

Well, just yesterday I sat alone at a good spot with a very strong branch for several hours. I am still in the stage of learning partial. If I get lucky and start fading out I might abort it or not, depending on my motivation at that second. But so far I can either crush the windpipe (knot in the back) or just hang and not feel any passing out (knot at the front).

I am very, very, very lazy and do not want to expend physical or mental energy on this shit tbh. If I managed to feel myself pass out and abort the attempt then I could see myself somehow travelling to a real forest or at least using these forest-parks during night-time for a real attempt.

I am not desperate to die and I am not afraid of getting admitted or whatever, my life is already over and it's always the same high level of pain that I can actually deal with. I'm like a fat cat pawing at the toy of death lethargically. If I had a gun or SN/N or a good gas rig then I'd be toast. But I don't have the wherewithal to acquire that shit tbh.

If you don't find it funny the ignore button is an option :=)


Lol, it looks like I'm going to be here semi-involuntarily for a while longer. I suck at partial and my neck is made of steel or something. Thanks for the love guys!

Hey, I did not in any way mean to attack you with that question. I'm sorry if it felt like I did. I was honestly just curious, since like I said above, I would never be able to attempt anything where there are people around. I just wanted to understand your perspective, so thanks for the explanation.

And again, I put funny in quotes since these stories seem to have a hint of tragedy in them, so funny is not the perfect word I'd use to describe them.

I get the laziness part... I sometimes create these grandiose plans of going away where nobody could find me. But then reality hits me and a realise I definitely won't have enough energy for that.

And that being said, I do admire your courage of being "cold-blooded" enough to be able to handle situations like these (cool-blooded is in quotes because I mean it as a positive thing, just so we're clear). I'd get startled by a leaf if I was trying to ctb out in the open, let alone a person.

 

[bea1974]

I'm like a fat cat pawing at the toy of death lethargically.

This is such a good line, it's perfect.
Poetry.
You really have a talent with words.
Thank you for sharing them with us, you are a real pleasure to read.
Have you ever done any creative writing? I mean apart from on here ;)

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

This is such a good line, it's perfect.
Poetry.
You really have a talent with words.
Thank you for sharing them with us, you are a real pleasure to read.
Have you ever done any creative writing? I mean apart from on here ;)

Thanks fam, I have not done any creative writing. I did stand-up comedy a couple of times before realizing that it was also a normie-or-bust business (like creative writing, painting, regular writing and 99% of all jobs).