Discussion Is anyone else really scared?

[failedmind]

I plan to CTB in the next few months after I get everything together. I will be using SN. But tbh, I'm fucking terrified. I know I need to do this because I cannot handle suffering any longer, but I'm scared. I'm scared of hurting my family, I'm scared of the way SN will make me feel, I'm scared I'll call emergency services after I drink it, I'm scared of death.

Does anyone else deal with these thoughts? I am going to do it regardless of these thoughts, but still. They cause me so much anxiety.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

You're not the only one, hopefully when the day comes I'm ready

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

You're certainly not alone. I'm going through the same thing. Was supposed to be gone last Sunday, chickened out.

 

[Michelstaedter]

It's normal, it's human. Fear is the basic instinct in animals to flee from danger and naturally as humans it becomes a rational force where we analyze everything, in this case death, unfortunately, is taught to us as a "mysterious door", something that religions sought to frighten with the idea of heaven and hell.
If you are afraid it is because you are not yet ready and I invite you to read "A Note to a Certain Old Friend" so that you can discover that this fear is something that we will have along the way, until we are finally ready and understand that death is more than what we were taught.

 

[darksouls2kicksass]

I'm in exactly the same boat. One step at a time

 

[needinghelp]

Another post I can identify with too. I know I want to ctb but there are still fears attached to it. The biggest one is failing (again). A month ago I tried to ctb by cutting wrists and with alcohol (before I found this forum). I basically passed out with the alcohol I had ingested before I could even cut my wrists properly which I now learn is a failed method too. I woke up a couple of days later in intensive care much to my regret having been on a ventilator. All I have been able to think about since is a successful ctb next time BUT at the same time I have the fear you describe.

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

I think we are all terrified to some degree. It's one of the main reasons we are all here seeking comfort by talking about it with others.

 

[Peter Skellern]

I'm in exactly the same boat. One step at a time

Summed it up nicely.

 

[Silmaril]

My fear isn't for myself, I'm at peace with my decision, but there is still fear there.

My mother took her life, she did so with a massive prescription overdose, it will have been rough on her, I won't go into details of how she was found or what she consumed. I knew she would take her life and I tried to encourage her to do some reading first, not to discourage but to make it peaceful for her and to prepare her family.

Anyway, we fell out over something financial and she chose her time when we weren't talking, she left notes for everyone but me, and left me and my kids with nothing to remember her by at all.

I know how it feels to lose someone to suicide, well three people actually - two close friends and my mother now - and it is devastating, even when I knew it would happen.

I have kids, 6 and 9. I fear that no matter what steps I take to secure their future financially, and the beyond the grave letters and cards to be sent to them throughout their lives I just fear that they could become as despondent as I have become through all my trauma, and that some cycle would form.

 

[Peter Skellern]

I have kids, 6 and 9. I fear that no matter what steps I take to secure their future financially, and the beyond the grave letters and cards to be sent to them throughout their lives I just fear that they could become as despondent as I have become through all my trauma, and that some cycle would form.

Quite possibly.

 

[timorousTruant]

I'm in the same place you are. I have SN and meto but just can't get over SI. I'm honestly intensely terrified of the process of dying. I wish I just had a terminal illness. At least then I'd have the support of family and people would comfort me as I die and I'd be less afraid.

It's terrifying because I know I'm going to die scared and alone.

 

[failedmind]

I'm in the same place you are. I have SN and meto but just can't get over SI. I'm honestly intensely terrified of the process of dying. I wish I just had a terminal illness. At least then I'd have the support of family and people would comfort me as I die and I'd be less afraid.

It's terrifying because I know I'm going to die scared and alone.

I feel the exact same way. I wish I could die with my mom holding me but that's impossible. I'm going to die alone in my bed and that makes me feel sad honestly :( But I have to do what I have to do I guess

 

[RadiantNumber]

I wouldn't use SN but I am scared too, this is one ticket way, but screw me I am scared it would hurt others near me so if I would do it somewhere in the future I need to be left alone

 

[failedmind]

I wouldn't use SN but I am scared too, this is one ticket way, but screw me I am scared it would hurt others near me so if I would do it somewhere in the future I need to be left alone

Whats your method of choice if you dont mind me asking?

 

[Dak]

Anyone ever see the movie Bulworth? I want to do that, might help with the nerves. Hell I'm laying in bed right now wondering why I don't load my shotgun and end it right the fuck now.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Whats your method of choice if you dont mind me asking?

idk yet, I am looking for options